Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Schizophrenia

I have Bipolar Disorder, which was also known as Manic Depressive, so if a dr has told you that you're manic depressive, it means Bipolar Disorder, they are one in the same.

The best thing to do when you have a mental illness is to get a diagnosis so you can be treated for it.
I've lived my life, since I was young, with Bipolar disorder, undiagnosed until I was 16, and untreated the entire time. I'm still not treated and I am a very good example for what happens when someone goes untreated.

I thought I could control it. Control my episodes and just trick people into thinking that I have a very angry disposition and I'm moody. Which is very wrong. My manic episodes have taken a turn for the darker side and I can get very violent. My depressive episodes are not as bad, but they aren't healthy for me either.

Please, if you think you have Bipolar Disorder, what's the harm in going to see a dr to have it checked out? There is none, and it can only help you in the end.

Mental illness runs in my family. I had a great-grandmother who was schizophrenic, and a grandmother and cousin with clinical depression.

I know that I have depression to the point that it's not just an emotion. It sticks with me for days, even weeks. There are days that someone could just look at me funny and I'll start crying. I used to take anti-depressants, but they seemed to make things worse. I would have a few days where I felt like I was on top of the world and nothing could touch me. Then I would drop lower than I ever did without medication. Almost like the meds made me happy, but then all my days that I would normally be unhappy were condensed into one.

Thing is, I'm bad with medication. For one, I tend to forget. I even had one of those pillboxes that has the day of the week on them and still forgot. Two, I feel like a freak for having to be medicated in order to function in proper society.

Mental illness runs in my family.
My mother and older sister are both bipolar, though my mom refuses to admit it.

I've been struggling with depression for years, as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with BPD type 2 two years ago. It sucks. It irks me when people self diagnose themselves and them brag about "being bipolar". Just shut up right now, please.

I went to a psychiatrist for a few sessions, but the price was overwhelming, so I haven't been back. Iv'e known since I was 10 that I was different. Violent, uncontrolable moodswings, suicidal thought/behaviors, extreme guilt/anxiety/paranoia, difficulty maintaining relationships, setting unattainable standards for people close to me, becoming terrified that the people closest to me are abandoning me, difficulty trusting people, intense/paralyzing fear of letting my loved ones down. I am Bipolar, i've known that for a while now. I was put on an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. Neither were effective, so I've been using natural remedies(like herbal teas) and relaxation techniques(like yoga). Ive also regained alot of my spirituality(mind you not religion)
But it isnt all bad:) when im not going out of my mind it helps with my creativity

When I was really young, from about the age of nine or ten until I was twelve, I went through a really deep, inexplicable depression that even the anti-depressants I was on did nothing for. Was just so horribly sad all the time, barely left the house, couldn't even get out of bed most days, weight fluctuated, cried all the time for no reason, etc. I just wanted to die and I had no idea why.

Then, for about a year when I was eleven, I had what my psychiatrist called a psychotic break. I had violent outbursts for no reason, had trouble remembering a lot of things. The worst part is I remember having these vivid and absolutely horrific hallucinations and delusions that resulted in me not leaving my house at all for nearly the entire year (I was homeschooled at the time, which made it easier), not even to do simple things like go to the grocery store with my mom. I lived in fear because I saw things everywhere, and was constantly hearing things. I believed my house was possessed and that the devil was trying to take me away. At one point, I went over two weeks without showering because I was convinced there was a dead man living in the walls of my shower, and my mom even had my shower ripped out and rebuilt because she thought the noises I was describing were maybe a bug infestation. Another time, I refused to leave my room for several days unless my mom was there to escort me in and out, because every time I opened the door, I saw this huge black shadow that looked like a massive salamander, and it hissed at me. These hallucinations were absolutely horrifying, to say the least. I lived in constant fear and depression, which I think contributed to the outbursts and bad memory. I get chills just writing about it, and that wasn't even the tip of the iceberg.

Long story short, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and two of the three psychiatrists I saw at the time were debating a schizophrenia diagnosis, but the symptoms weren't totally consistent, and my mom insisted I wasn't. I'm over the depression, thankfully, but I still get a lot of highs that are very high and a lot of lows that are very low, but I haven't had another psychotic break or any type of hallucination in years. I absolutely do not believe I am schizophrenic at all, and I think the bipolar was a misdiagnosis; I don't think I'm manic depressive at all either.

Sometimes I worry about it though, especially with the schizophrenia, because I know that schizophrenia usually doesn't show signs until adulthood, and I'm only seventeen. Nonetheless, I think I'm perfectly normal mentally and emotionally, and just went through a rough patch as far as my mental health goes. And I'm not one to meticulously research every aspect of every mental disorder, trying to diagnose myself with something and attributing every strange behavior to some type of disorder, and I'm certainly not one of those people who "wants" a mental illness because it's "cool" or whatever it is those people think, because I had a little taste of it and those were the worst years of m entire life. Terrible, terrible memories, but I'm glad it's all over. I just wonder where it all came from, and where it all went..

The only thing "wrong" with me that my brain produces a very insufficient amount of melatonin, resulting in chronic insomnia since the day I was born. I can stay up for a good three or so days before even beginning to feel tired, although the lack of sleep still takes a huge toll as far as my mood, my physical health, and my appearance is concerned. Pisses me off a lot when people bitch about their insomnia; at least your brain produces the fucking the chemical needed to sleep, unlike mine. >_>

anna karenina:

Sometimes I worry about it though, especially with the schizophrenia, because I know that schizophrenia usually doesn't show signs until adulthood, and I'm only seventeen.

It's actually in young adulthood / late teenage years that the symptoms of schizophrenia are most likely to appear; 17 is probably quite within that perimeter. However, schizophrenia can "appear" at any age, it's just more likely in young adulthood.

I first thought about the possibility of me being bipolar after I did a project on mental illnesses in school. I Was always cycling through different moods, and at first I just thought I was a moody teenager, but it was more extreme than it was supposed to be. Sometimes I would have mental adrenaline rushes and think that I could do anything, and other times I would go weeks without wanting to talk to my friends at all and then suddenly I would want to speak to them again. I was so skeptical that I had it and then I heard it was genetic- me aunt was bipolar too. That's when I asked my doctor. He confirmed that I was, much to my parents dismay. My aunt has been in and out of jail forever and cannot keep a job or a house. They just didn't want me to end up like her.

My mom likes to tell me I'm Bipolar because my moods are up and down all the time. I may snap at tiny things but one of my friends was diagnosed with it and our mood swings are nowhere similar from what I can see. I'm almost seventeen; my moods are going to be out of wack. It's a teenage thing that she needs to stop worrying about.

I'm pretty sure I'm depressed.

Due to some circumstances, I'm unable to see a therapist even though I really want to. And I have shitty and/or busy friends so I can't rant to them.

I just wish I could rant to someone, who'd preferably give me some advice.

Sigh.

I'm bipolar, and also have anxiety and explosive personality disorder. My step sister, however, has Schizophrenia. We're both pretty similar, and I guess I'm lucky to be close to her.

I don't know if I was in a depressive bout and slipped into a major depressive episode/bout, but something is absolutely not right. I'm talking to my store manager about whether or not they are official going to make me full time so I can sign up for health insurance and get the free counseling in the meantime.

Last weekend I had to convince myself not to shatter a glass jar in my sink to feel better and I wanted nothing more than to throw myself off the walls. But instead I went for a mile walk at ten at night.

And I can't stand for anything to go wrong. Any little thing just ... end of the fucking world. My poor boyfriend. But I can't really talk to him about it because he really just doesn't understand. I try to explain it, but he thinks that medicine for mental illnesses isn't necessary and he doesn't understand it.

I got diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder about a month ago and I'm on a mood stabilizer to keep me from going nuts.

I used to do huge damage to myself especially when I went into manic episodes, I cut off a bunch of my hair last week because I just didn't like it and I forgot to take my medication and before that I put a fork through my hand over the idea of it would make me feel better and the time before that I made a makeshift garrote did severe damage to my arm, one of my best friends is also bipolar and I snapped at him awhile ago and i ended up breaking his nose.

I was diagnosed with depression as well as anxiety last year and put on Prozac, which doesn't work at all anymore. It worked for awhile, but now I just take it because I can't just stop since my mom says it isn't healthy.
Nothing really helps.

I also have periods where I feel confident and good about myself and like I'm on top of the world. During this time, I'm a lot more talkative and I stand up for myself and laugh at things that usually get me in trouble because I can't control how good I feel. I'm more social and nothing really gets to me when I'm up. I get a bit reckless with my thinking and just put everything off thinking I can do it whenever and not suffer any consequences. I have the attitude of "who cares?" I talk faster...I feel like I don't need any help with anything and get irritated when people try to assist me...
Then I crash down and I hurt myself worse than I did the last time meaning I lock myself in my room and cut..a lot, or scratch or pull my hair or hit myself...and just get really violent and other things while crying my eyes out. During this time, one tiny look, or even just one word can completely set me off.
I've been this way since I can remember, though...way back in 3rd grade when I was 9 I was having depressive thoughts and wanting to "disappear" by means of falling asleep and never waking up...I was having suicidal thoughts like..hey, my dad's pills are right there, what if I took them? Would they make it better?
I've thought about the possibility that I might be bipolar, because I have a sister who is, but my mom just thinks I'm a hypochondriac and nothing is wrong with me...Sometimes it's like a switch.

I have bad like...hallucinations that show me killing myself and there's so much blood I can smell it and taste it and I feel hollow like I'm just watching and not in my body. They're terrifying and when I come back into myself I'm shaking and I want to cry...I had one on the bus to school this morning...

Update: (4/16/13)
About...2 months ago, I changed medication and got put on Zoloft instead. (I really need to refill and start taking it again >_<)
My doctor asked me if I had suicidal thoughts (yes) and then asked how I thought about ending it all (no answer...she finally moved on. (my mom was in the room, I couldn't do that to her...))

But Tuesday, April 11, I almost tried to kill myself. I had everything put together...but then I stopped after a friend started talking to me. I slept the rest of the day and the day after I just felt horrid.

By Friday, I was completely uncontrollable. I had a ton of energy and I just wanted to keep going and everything was funny and I couldn't understand how i switched up so fast.
I haven't had a hallucination for a few months, though, which is good, because they were extremely traumatic. I started self-harming again, breaking my 2 months without, and I accidentally went way deeper than I usually do. *Cue panic and sitting in the middle of my bed like a moron staring at it like it would make the blood stop...*

I've recently been going through psychological testing for Borderline, because I've just finally realized that I might honestly have something more than the major depressive disorder, which I was diagnosed with at 16, and I've been hospitalized three different times. Within 2011, I was hospitalized twice with suicidal thoughts and tendencies, and within 2012, I was admitted with anorexia.

According to the test results, I might possibly have Bipolar Disorder, which, in a way, doesn't shock me since my maternal grandfather has been diagnosed with Bipolar.

Whatever the diagnosis is, I'm excited to just start taking care of whatever I have because I'm getting sick of feeling the way I do!

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about a month ago when I was admitted to a psych hospital. They've put me on antidepressants that should hopefully be working soon, they said 4 to 6 weeks and it's been about a month since I started so hopefully it'll be very soon that they start working. I'm taking Celexa.

I'm also seeing a temporary therapist every week until May and I'll be seeing a temporary psychiatrist at least once a month until May. All of this is thankfully being covered by my county since I don't have health insurance and I qualify for charity care. The temporary therapist and psychiatrist are being provided to me until May as a "follow up" to the hospital stay, just to make sure I'm actually continuing my treatment. They're supposed to help me find a more permanent therapist and psychiatrist after my follow up is done with them. That is, if I get accepted to Medi-cal by May which I really hope I do.

I don't really know of anyone else in my family who has ever actually been diagnosed with depression and/or anxiety, so it's been a little hard to deal with when you don't really know of anyone else close to you. My mother and her husband are doing their best to try and support me and understand all of what is going on. They're having trouble with it but at least they seem to be trying. My therapist has really been helping too. She's really nice, I know I'm going to be sad when my sessions with her end but I hope my next therapist will be just as nice and helpful as she is. My therapist is a younger one, she's an intern and I think the fact she's younger makes it easier for me to talk with her. She's just more open I think and nicer than the doctors I had in the hospital.

I'm glad for the medication and therapy. I've been dealing with this on my own for years because I didn't want to admit I needed help and when I was ready to admit it, I had lost my insurance and wasn't able to get help anymore. So I'm really glad I'm finally being given the opportunity for help finally.

I was diagnosed with depression years ago, like back in high school. Stupidly, I refused medication for it and due to not receiving some form of help or counselling, I tried to take my own life at the age of 17, four years after I was diagnosed. Now I'm citalopram, which helps with my depression and also helps with my anxiety & panic disorder. I recently had counselling, but I felt still like I was being a burden while spilling out how I felt and how I seen everything. But I guess Ill have to get used to it. The good thing though is that I see my doctor (who I trust about these issues more than anything) every two weeks. She likes to see how I'm doing, if I'm coping et. It's nice.

I'm diagnosed with depression and anxiety, although sometimes I can't explain how I'm feeling...
I feel like there are two sides of me.
Sometimes I go into this complete rage that I repress and I feel out of control.
I hear a voice in my head telling me that nothing is worth it and that I'm a burden and I'm better off dead. (I had told my doctor about the suicidal tendencies, and that was the beginning of my diagnosis of depression). I also get severe delusions of paranoia, the most popular ones being with the medical field, such as being paranoid that the doctor is medicating me for things he's not telling me.
I've also had paranoia of all sorts of things in my life and how other people see me that are ridiculous.
However, when I'm not in my "crazy" phase (as I lovingly call it), I feel stupid about it.
It doesn't seem like a big deal.
But when I'm in that phase, I feel as if my world is crumbling in around me and there's no escape.
I don't know. It's frustrating and I know the only time I'll mention all my symptoms to my doctor is if I'm in a phase, but I've never been in one at the doctor's before.
Like I said, if I'm not in that phase, I act like everything's all chill.
It's frustrating battling with your own mind, you know.

Edited by moderator

I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety two years ago, after my sucide attempt and I had to be two months in psyhiatric hospital. I'm on miansec since then, but my doctor told me that I'm gonna discontinued it soon :).
It all started in middle school, I was bullied and I was too scared to tell it anyone.
Now everything should be ok, I'm in high school with no of my bullies, I've got new friends, and I simply have got a life, but I still feel unhappy. Like I'm not complete. But I think that this feelings will not go away anytime soon.

Mental-illness runs in the family, but I never really realized how so until I was recently diagnosed with anxiety/chronic insomnia.
The symptoms I had had plagued me for most of my childhood, with my high school years nearly unbearable. My mother never believed the mental illness was a thing and assumed that my anti-social behaviors, inability to sleep, and general fear/defiance to do public reports had something to do with me rebelling against her.

It wasn't until my younger cousin - who's only eighteen, suffered from a massive anxiety/violent mood swing and attacked his mother and myself at a family gathering. It was a terrifying experience for all ends and resulted in me suffering for a severe panic attack which had stemmed from my anxiety - forcing me to be rushed to the hospital. I had passed out from my inability to breath.

My diagnosis within the hospital opened doors for my cousin's illness as well. It seemed that we shared many of the same symptoms though, he faired significantly worse. He was diagnosed both with bipolar disorder, as well as schizophrenia.

Our combined diagnosis opened the door to the fact that my brother, my biological father, and several of our aunts/cousins have suffered from similar symptoms their entire lives. It's frightening to think that my condition, or more importantly my cousin's, could be passed down to the next generation. I don't want my children to suffer with even half of what I go through on a daily basis and I'm considered a fairly mild case when you take my cousin/many other more severe illnesses into consideration.

What's more terrifying is reading through this board and seeing how many other people suffer from this illness. I feel as society as a whole often rights off mental illness as someone being weak/unwilling to take control of their minds and body, allowing people to harm themselves and others by trying to self-treat an illness they can't truly identify.