"Coming Out" to Family About Sexuality

  • thelastpainter

    thelastpainter (110)

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    I don't remember when I told my mom about it, probably a couple years ago? She was completely okay with it, but doesn't really say anything.

    The weird thing is my dad is really religious and is against those who are homosexual getting married and is hesitant about them, but seems more accepting of that? He makes jokes sometimes (not bad ones! just kidding around) and actually mentions it. Though when he first found out he said to my mom when I wasn't around, "why do all our kids end up gay?" (which isn't true, though Facepalm I'm the only one who is fully. My brother is bisexual, though.)
    May 3rd, 2013 at 01:25am
  • cosmic pixel

    cosmic pixel (100)

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    I have friends that had difficulty when they came out to their parents. I think it's terribly unfortunate that parents let their child's sexuality interfere with the love they have for the child.
    --
    I am bisexual but I've chosen to keep it to myself as far as family goes. I'm open about it on the internet and with friends, though. I know where my parents stand on homosexuality and I will respect their opinions by staying quiet. Also I know that I'm probably not going to have a lasting relationship with another girl, so why fight about something that eventually isn't going to mean much? It just makes me really sad when they talk about what a 'perversion' it is because they don't know; and I have to wonder if they would love me any less if they knew that sometimes I'm attracted to other girls...
    May 10th, 2013 at 08:40pm
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    I think it would be beneficial if parents went through a parenting course that taught them if they can't love a non-straight, non-cis child then they really won't be a good parent and should just save their child the heartache.
    May 11th, 2013 at 04:20pm
  • cacophony

    cacophony (100)

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    Have you come out to your family (if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transsexual)?
    My household(parent and sibling) know that I am gay, but my Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents don't. I don't think it's necessary until I am in a serious and public relationship.

    How did your family react? Did they accept your sexuality?
    My parent confronted me about it first, and by that time most of my close friends knew I was bisexual. I had been experimenting with a lot of girls at my school. My sibling at first wouldn't talk about it, claiming they didn't want to know about any relationships, male or female. They've both come around and both feel the urge to tell people sometimes.

    Perhaps a sibling of yours came out, how did you react? Do you think it is morally wrong to not be straight? Or is it morally neutral?
    I would be overjoyed, but I love my sibling regardless of who they love. Love is love. Who you love is personal and no one should have a say.
    May 19th, 2013 at 10:16am
  • folie a dru.

    folie a dru. (1270)

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    Coming out is not an issue with my immediate family (mother, stepfather, three siblings). I have a lesbian/trans* sister and I am pansexual and have been engaged to a girl. My other sister identifies as bi and has had girlfriends.

    It was actually harder to convince my parents I like men. They both thought I was gay.

    My extended family has also been a lot more accepting than I thought they would be, including older aunts and grandparents that have accepted my sister for who she is.

    And, after a temporarily pronoun/chosen name scuffle with my stepmom and father, they both seem to have adjusted to my sister being my sister.

    So if any of the grandkids come out, it won't be an issue. It'll be old hat.
    May 20th, 2013 at 04:20pm
  • hangsang.

    hangsang. (210)

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    Ah yes, I remember when I came out to my family. First I came out to my grandma. She wasn't all that happy about it, but she still accepted me and said she loved me. However, when I came out to my mom, she kicked me out for two weeks. Coming out to her was probably the biggest mistake of my life. Currently I'm hiding who I am from her and pretending I'm fully straight. My grandpa just shrugged his shoulders; he doesn't agree with who I am, but he's not going to shit a brick out it. My sister called me a 'stupid faggot', but I could care less what she thought.

    I haven't even attempted to tell them about me wanting to get a sex change when I'm older; I'm absolutely petrified of what they might think of me. I've only told one or two people I'm very close to and that's it.

    At times, I do think it's important to come out to your parents about who you are, as long as you know they'll accept it. As I said, coming out to my mom was the biggest mistake of my life and if I could do it over, I would and I wouldn't have told anyone. Such is life, I suppose.
    May 27th, 2013 at 04:54am
  • AshyMandy

    AshyMandy (150)

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    I have/had to gay brother's Joey and Matt and a bisexual brother Shaun. Their father Erik (my adoptive father) is a very religious guy. He's a true blooded texan.

    I met Joey (he's 27) after he had come out, to his father he is not a member of the family. I knew the moment i met him he was gay. Our other brothers told me growing up it was like having a sister, he wasn't into football like the rest of the family. Every one of joey's and mine brother's and sister's except him. Joey has no relationship with erik

    Shaun came out shortly after meeting him. He did this by bring his boyfriend to one of eriks big work dinners. That was an interesting dinner to say the least. I'd never heard so much yelling. Shaun and erik have an uncomfortable relationship.

    Matt was my younger brother, a year younger. He was different. He came out when he was 15. No one guessed he was gay. He's way of coming out was going straight to our father. Matt himself was very religious, more so the the rest of my siblings. I think it was very hard on Matt thinking the way he thought of himself. I don't know the actually conversation. All i know is it had to be bad. Erik ignored Matt completely. Within two weeks of telling his father, he killed himself. Note said he wished he wasn't a monster.
    June 2nd, 2013 at 09:28am
  • treat02

    treat02 (100)

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    War-Worn Harlot:
    This probably seems like a stupid question but, I'll give it a shot at asking.

    Is it possible for a girl/boy to not have a sexual orientation. Meaning, can you just not have an interest in boys or girls at all? Would that be counted as "undecided"?
    That is called asexuality my friend.
    June 7th, 2013 at 09:09am
  • vanete.

    vanete. (350)

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    I first came out to my parents when I was in 8th grade. I stressed about it a lot, but it turns out my parents were really accepting and entirely fine with it. My mom even posts LGBT pride related stuff on my FaceBook Wall all the time now.

    Since this was already after my sister moved out, I don't remember if I ever really came out to her. But she's always sort of known and I guess I just slipped it into conversation one day or something. She was completely cool with it too.

    I'm not really 'out' to the rest of my family though. I hardly ever see or talk to them on a regular basis. One time when I was visiting my grandpa, it came up in conversation with his wife, Kirsten, so I told her. I'm sure she told my grandpa, but he has never once asked or discussed it. I told my aunt I was planning on joining my college's LGBT club in the fall. She didn't ask either. I just don't really like the idea of making a huge deal out of my sexuality, and figure I'll end up talking about it someday. They've probably already guessed anyways. most people have.

    I don't really talk with my mom's side of the family - they're based in Japan, so we don't usually do long distance calls, and there's also the language barrier. They're the only part of my family I would never ever consider coming out too, they're terribly conservative to the point where my mom hasn't even told them she has tattoos.

    I'm also having the dilemma now of coming out to my non-blood "family", a group of people I've worked with at a haunted attraction called Frightland for a long time now. Some of us are really close, and I consider them my family even though we're not related. While I know a couple of them would be completely fine with it, there are a few people who I'm actually not certain how they would react to it. I definitely don't hide anything, but at the same time there have been moments where I've wanted to mention it or crack a joke before I remember 'wait a minute, I'm not really out yet'. And I'm terrified I'm going to lose some of these people, a few of which have been my support system since I was 11 years old. I don't really know what to do, I kind of just want to get it out there, but like I said before, I really don't like making a huge deal out of my sexuality. I briefly debated the idea of baking a cake and writing in rainbow icing "BTW I'M QUEER" the next time we have a get together. but I just don't really know, and it's kind of killing me whenever I think about it.
    June 8th, 2013 at 09:00am
  • Ktulu

    Ktulu (100)

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    I came out to my mom about my pansexuality and she chalked it up to being a "phase", that it'll be something that I'd grow out of. That was in 2011 and I think she's pretty much accepted it now. I don't really talk about my crushes or things like that and i'm just not a very sexual person so that could've played a part in her thinking that it was a phase. Who knows, my mom is her own awesome person and I can't even predict what she could be thinking, lol.

    That summer, I told my dad that I was bi, just to save myself from a long winded explanation he would deny anyway. After I told him, he threw his hands in the air and said "Like I don't have enough problems as it is!" which led to a complete and total meltdown for me. The next morning, he even had the audacity to show up at the bar that I had worked at at the time and order lunch like nothing had happened. For the next few weeks, he harassed me with rude questions and statements, which have stopped as of late, but nonetheless, I can't bring myself to confide in him with anything ever again. I have never been so disapointed with a person in all my life.

    My sister is a totally different story, though. When I told her, she thought I was going to say I was pregnant, lol. She is the most accepting person in my family and I can't thank her enough.

    As for my brother, he's coming around. He says that the song "Same Love" helped him see his bigoted ways, which is totally awesome: but now I feel a lot of weird gratification towards Macklemore, haha. That song makes me cry every time I hear it
    November 18th, 2013 at 10:54pm
  • solo sunrise

    solo sunrise (260)

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    [Can I please just point out that gender =/= sexuality? But I'm just going to act like it applies to all LGBT people.]

    I don't ever plan on coming out to my dad. Ever. Even though it's painful to be called a 'little girl.'

    But I think my mom might be okay with it? She might even suspect it? I don't think so, but I have my hopes. Although she's pretty sure I'm asexual, which is as accurate label as I can think of.

    I feel so old compared to other trans people who came out at six and nine and here I am, not feeling confident enough even acknowledge that there's a difference until I was twelve (*puberty*). I tried really, really hard to be a girl, but it didn't work. I just feel old. I don't think it would be worth it anymore to ask for hormone blockers.

    But please, parents and friends of LGBT people: don't ever tell them it's just a phase. I don't care if you think it is. What will it accomplish? It'll make that person feel miserable, and they won't suddenly turn straight and/or decide that they're not trans anymore because you think you know more about them than they do.
    November 24th, 2013 at 05:13am
  • wxyz

    wxyz (240)

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    Perhaps aside from my grandparents, I'm hoping to be out to all of my extended family at some point. My parents and brother know, but no one else in terms of my family. I'm hoping I'll be able to do it in the form of telling them I'm in a relationship. I think it'd be a nice way of them knowing.
    December 3rd, 2013 at 07:53pm
  • Gerardina

    Gerardina (100)

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    I am bisexual. But no one knows about it, especially my family. My parents are christians, we visit the lutheran church. My brother is homophobic, so there's no way I gonna tell them about it.
    December 8th, 2013 at 04:59pm
  • TheGreatHendowski-.-

    TheGreatHendowski-.- (100)

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    I came out to my mom that I'm bi and she was really cool with it; she teases me a little bit sometimes but is never serious and she never minds when I check out girls when we're out shopping or something. I told my boyfriend before we started going out and he has no problem with it, but I haven't told my dad or stepmom. I'm not sure what my dad would think but my stepmom would have a fit and toss me out of the house since gay/lesbian/bisexual people are 'unnatural' and such bullshit.
    December 21st, 2013 at 07:42am
  • a mimosa pudica

    a mimosa pudica (2200)

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    @ SteiN
    Mom and boyfriend. Thumb up

    I haven't told any of my family members about my sexuality. They believe that I'm straight, when in fact, I am bi. I've tried to bring up the topic with my mom several times but I can't seem to spill the beans. I don't think she will accept it at first but maybe she will sooner or later.
    December 27th, 2013 at 10:31am
  • awake and alive;

    awake and alive; (100)

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    I want to come out to my family about being transmasculine (I say ftm, but transmasculine is the big mouthful for how I feel).
    But mum's kind of close-minded and my uncle is Buddhist and isn't accepting.
    My aunt and dad aren't very vocal.
    Plus I'm still not, completely, accepting myself. I've known since the middle of 2013, it might as well be a phase. I'm living a lie, I'm really my birth self blah blah blah.

    Mum still thinks I'm lesbian when I've told her I'm bi. But, eh, that's nothing. I love who I love.
    January 4th, 2014 at 10:51am
  • I feel insane

    I feel insane (110)

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    I want to be out to my family, but I just don't know how to do it. My brother and I got the "we'd still love you if you were gay" speech years ago, but I know my parents still won't be happy about it in the slightest. I know I'm going to have to do it someday, because I intend on marrying a woman instead of living my life as a lie just to please my family, yet I'm lying now, and I don't like it.
    January 6th, 2014 at 06:56am
  • redsquare

    redsquare (100)

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    `
    January 7th, 2014 at 09:00pm
  • dombelova

    dombelova (125)

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    I actually came out as gay on April fools day in 2009. I did that so if they weren't excepting, I would just have to say April fools!
    But the excepted me for me thankfully.
    January 17th, 2014 at 08:52pm
  • awaterfairy

    awaterfairy (170)

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    Personally, I'm bisexual, but I'm too scared to tell my parents because of the fact that they like to get into fights about who has to feed the cats, so telling them my sexuality might cause a huge fight..
    January 29th, 2014 at 08:45am