V For Virgin.

@ beedle the bard
It's better to do that than to just do it for the sake of doing it. Everyone has their own idea of what is right/wrong for them, but those ideas don't need to be pushed onto others.

@ for dru's sins.
Yeah that's what I think. Doing it just for the sake of doing it - I don't see the point in that. Yeah, it irks me when people do that, really voicing an opinion is fine but trying to force someone to see the way you do is pointless and annoying.

@ beedle the bard
I do see the point in doing it for the sake of doing it, but only after I lost my virginity and was emotionally ready for it. For some people, sex just isn't emotional. But for a teen, I don't think casual sex is appropriate.

@ for dru's sins
I'm sorry if you felt like I was trying to control anybody's else's beliefs on this subject. I'm not. I wasn't on here to force amyone's opinions on anything. Just to get mine of my chest. I'm not saying anyone is wrong. Everyone has their own opinion. Everyone has their own belief. I don't think anyone is wrong when they say and do what they believe (unless, you know they kill a ton of innocent people). Anyway, it was my own opinion. I'm not out to influence anybody else's. I'm sorry if my words came across that way.

@ River Song
No problem. The wording just threw me off. Glad to hear it.

One of the girls in my theatre department, who is a second mom to me, has told me, "Don't sleep with someone if you think you'll regret it later." It's probably one of the best pieces of advice I've gotten in my high school career. It's the main reason why I'm still a virgin now. Back in April I stupidly went to a guys house and fooled around with said guy. When we asked me if I wanted to have sex with him, I thought about what my second mom said. Not only was I trying to get over a past sexual experience, one that he should've know about, but I knew I'd regret it. I didn't know when, but I knew I would at some point. I now know I'm thrilled that I didn't have sex with him.

@ of dru's being.
its nice to know that not all guys are pigs :)

I lost my virginity at fourteen, I was more or less pressured into it. I'm going to be honest and say at that point, I didn't have a mind of my own. I'd been dating the guy for six months, he was controlling and emotionally abusive. I did everything he told me. Once I regretted my sexual endeavors with him and no longer felt in the mood for it most of the time, he'd resort to sexual abuse. Virginity is sacred, and you really must watch who you let take yours. I encourage both women and men to be smart about it, it's not just something you should throw away. It's one of those things you may definitely regret if you aren't ready.

I think there's a really big difference between regretting a dangerous/unhealthy sexual relationship - especially an explicitly abusive one - and losing your virginity to someone you don't particularly love or see yourself staying with. Particularly if, in the former situation, you are being coerced. In Australia, coercion is one factor that vitiates consent. Which means that the act is technically rape. (And may definitely be rape, depending on that guy's age.)

What do you think makes virginity "sacred"? Why shouldn't you just throw it away?

I probably should've reworded that. I got really sentimental, haha. I meant sacred as in, basically, it's something you should be careful with. If you can just throw it away and not regret it, that's fine. But I know too many people who can't do that.

-nod- I agree about the regret part, but I think it's more about having your first sexual experience be positive, rather than that 'virginity' (however we're defining that; the magic state of having not been penetrated?) is intrinsically special. People seem to forget that we like all sorts of first times to be special - first holiday, first day of school, first date - calling pre-first-sex 'virginity' and then being told for hundreds/thousands of years that sex is bad, dirty, wrong, has, I think, really warped our ideas about (sexual) first times. Having said that, like any other experience in life, I think you should approach it with some degree of maturity and that there will probably be negative consequences if you choose not to. So I'd say, wait until it's someone you trust and care about, but that's only from the position of "why bring yourself unhappiness later?" Not because having sex in some specific/particular circumstances is bad or wrong or whatever.

I posted on this thread when I was like 15 I think and I was a virgin then. I still am(I'm 17 now), but I think I'm more ready then I was back then.
If I lost it to my current boyfriend I don't think I'd regret it. We've been friends for 4 years, but we've only been dating 4 months. I trust and care about him a lot. So I think I'm ready it's just a matter of getting to that point in our relationship, but I don't think that'll be for a while yet.

Edit: Never mind. I don't think that point in our relationship is going to happen. He broke up with me today.

I'm a college freshman who's scratching 20, who's still a virgin, and who's never had a boyfriend in her life, haha. I'm waiting till marriage (that could take a while) because that's what I'm always been taught as a child attending a Jewish school. And besides that, my parents have always told me that it's best to wait until marriage anyways. I don't really know why, but I'm alright with that. I'm in no hurry to lose my virginity in any case; I doubt it'll change my outlook on life and such (as I've heard most of my peers saying).

I say, if you feel that you're mature enough and ready to have sex with a person that loves and cares for you, then it's your perogative to do what you want.

I think that it depends.
People who lose it because of society, or peer pressure, I feel sorry for them, because they had a choice and gave it up to be popular.
And people who lose it because they wanna have sex when their not ready are sluts.
But some people are in stable relationships and are ready.
Even if their not.

I lost mine from a fear of sex, from a personal (not gonna share) experience that caused it when I was 11, and I wanted to get over it. And personally, I regret it, and I'm sure I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life, because it was at the wrong age, with the wrong person, for the wrong reason, and I know that now, and I'm going to tell every young person (or even older people that aren't ready) that I can to just wait for the age, the person, and the reason to all be right.

And as for my current boyfriend, I do have sex with him and even though I'm young, I do see myself being with him for a very long time and that's why I did it. My best friend doesn't see a break up in our future. And I know that we're going on strong because we've had many fights over stupid reasons like him using a different bathroom, yet we haven't left each other. I waited to have sex with him until I knew for sure he wanted to be with me, he saw a future with me, and I knew when he cried our first fight, because how often do guys do that? And how often do guys plan a future with their girlfriends? That's how you know it's serious? He told me we're going to get married and have 5 kids, and he even picked out all the names(: He dated a lot of girls and was barely able to keep a relationship, his longest relationship was a month which was on and off, and now we've been together for 7(:

I really wish I had waited to lose my virginity to him. Since I lost it, I have cried about it, it's not something to be proud of either. Losing your virginity at a young age never is.

MadHouse69:

And people who lose it because they wanna have sex when their not ready are sluts.

---

I lost mine from a fear of sex... I wanted to get over it. And personally, I regret it, and I'm sure I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life.

By your logic, that would make you a slut: you lost it because you wanted to have sex, at the time, and you weren't, it turned out, ready. But you don't describe yourself as a slut - you're someone who made a mistake and regrets it.

I don't think you're a slut. And I don't think it's acceptable for you to use that language to talk about other people who, objectively, could be described as the same as you - young and making a mistake. I definitely agree with your sentiment that (women especially, due to the conflicting social pressures on 'putting out', of being a 'slut' or being 'frigid') people should think through what they're doing and, if they're not sure, wait - but if they are making a 'mistake' (which they will find out, themselves, if they are; and it will only affect them and has no bearing on your life) then how does slut-shaming help them cope with that mistake? It always shocks me when that sort of regulating, dismissive, offensive attitude to sex/sexuality is perpetuated by women who are so often (if not exclusively) the ones subjected to it - why are we still talking about the act being the problem, sex being the problem, women being flawed or damaged or dirtied by their complicity in the problem, instead of looking at what is problematic in young girls having sex, and how to educate them on the matter so they're going to make choices that don't bear those problems - that would be a lot more productive than starting off your comment by patronising women you feel were so lacking agency they were 'forced' by 'society' to have sex and then dismissing all women who 'choose' to have sex (though acknowledging, in "when they're not ready," that it might not be something they can consent to choose; legal consent, based in an understanding of consequences) as "sluts". Both of those assumptions are offensive for different reasons, but the distinction between them is itself disturbing and sort of arbitrary.

And inflammatory reactions to 'slut'-labels aside, it's not a very rigorous examination or interrogation of the matter to try and generalise all sexual youths into the category of people you judge and people you feel sorry for. So, from the position of "this is a discussion board" I think it's appropriate to dig a little deeper, there.

ignore.

@ dr. faustus
I've had those things since I was ten years old because I get stretch marks really easily. They don't really bother me and they never really did. Unless they look like I-just-had-triplets stretch marks, I don't think there's anything to worry about.

I find it easier to stay a virgin and not consider losing your virginity due to peer pressure when most of your friends are virgins. Why? Because from what I've noticed a lot of teenagers who are in sexual relationships seem to only have their mind on that. That means they end up talking about it extensively and if you're a virgin and you're hearing these things, I think it can be influential.

However, most of my close friends are virgins, maybe even all of them. The ones who aren't have other things going on in their life so they don't talk about it a lot. So when I'm around my close friends, the last thing I'm thinking about is sex. But when I was on my softball team (where almost all of them were not virgins and very sexually active) my mind was almost always stuck on sex and that bothered me because I was in no position and/or desired to lose my virginity. Only one time I was slightly pressured to lose my virginity and that was for writing purposes only. Now I'm over that, and I don't want to be around people who only have sex on their mind.

And I know this is slightly straying off topic, but from what I'm reading, some of you seem to think that you should marry if you love someone. Maybe I'm just old school, or weird, but I don't think you should marry someone because you love them. As a matter of a fact, I don't think marriage has anything to do with love. Marriage is about commitment and trusting one another. Marriage is about being there for someone financially. Marriage is about sharing responsibilities. I think that if someone can't do those things for you, you shouldn't marry them, regardless if you love them or not.

Oops, triple post. Sorry.

MadHouse69:

And people who lose it because they wanna have sex when their not ready are sluts.

Wow. Ummm... really? I don't think you have the right to pass such a broad judgment on people.

And you seem to be talking about women here so... way to continue to repress sexuality in women.

Im still a virgin and im almost 17, ive been with my boyfreind 5 years now and we're waiting till marriage, hell yes thats old fashioned but Im somewhat old fashioned when it comes to sex *shrug* i dont judge other people though, ill warn agaisnt it but at the end of the day? It's your body i hav no say(unless of course your 11...then ill smack you upside the head for having sex)