Story Explanations.

Anorexia is Beauty is Terror and Fucking Hypocrites are one in the same. They deal with a period in my life where I allowed the views of others to influence me and I went from about 110 pounds, which was perfectly healthy for my 11 year old body down to about 85. I didn't feel pretty. I felt ugly and terrible and it's something that's just terror and beautiful to see how much control you actually have over your body. Then I realized what I was doing. My teacher, oddly enough, helped since I think she suspected I had an eating disorder. She would force me to eat crackers in her class, make me do things that would make me be awake and get hungry. With her indirect help, I've more or less overcome it. I'm not going to say there aren't days where I feel like shit about my body and I want to fall back into my old routine; that's where those two pieces come into play.

Fucking Hypocrites was the original. It's my venting about what I knew I was doing to myself and how I was just allowing it to happen again. Fucking Hypocrites is directed towards myself, trying to make me understand that I was being so stupid, going against what I about what I did to myself and how I always told them never, ever to allow themselves into that stupid spiral.

Anorexia is Beauty is Terror came out very recently. As I still consider myself recovering - those sorts of things never really go away - I read something written my a friend of mine where she wrote, Callie, a friend from like, elementary school, was blonde and an anorexic cheerleader who did cocaine. that sparked it off. It was a teenage romance fic, but wouldn't you think that if someone knew that a friend was anorexic, after a while they'd do something? That spawned me writing from a point of view I very rarely use because I wanted people to understand.

... yeah, didn't mean for it to get that long.

A Kiss That Bites

I wrote this story to prove to myself that I could write Paranormal Romance and maybe one day getting it published. Seeing as the ideas I had for this novel I had not scene in any "werewolf" love story before and I really want to finish it. I also write my characters a certain way because that is how they react to things in the story. It is not a self insertion. I do not make my characters react in a fashion that I would. Cause then everyone would be at each other's throats and killing every one.

Moon Valley

Probably never will be finished, but I had a cute story idea involving a little girl and her adventures. What brought it on was my own niece. She is still an infant, but I can see myself spinning tales of wonderment for her. Creating worlds of magic and mystery. So, I would write the story based on that.

The Chronicles of Andrainea: Darkness Falls

Andrainea is a character I created years ago and never really could sit down and write her story. Due to the twisted and dark past she has. So, I am writing this from her point of view. From her deranged and almost twisted mind. So, things are not always going to flow perfectly. Cause in her mind and world... things are far from perfect.

A Kiss of Moonlight

I have never written a one shot before and I wrote this just to prove to myself I could. I also made it a "porn without plot" type thing. Just threw two characters together and let it go from there. The couple is not my OTP, but I thought it would be fun to do this pair. There is a lot of people, last I checked, out there that love this pairing. That and I wanted to prove myself I could write a sex scene.

I Will Save You

So basically this story came about when I thought "What if someone from Gerard's past showed up? What if that person was good friends with Bert and did drugs?" I wanted to write a story with someone from Gerard's past, someone who knew Bert, and someone who did drugs. I combined all these ideas into one big story called Take it Away. (I had those ideas floating around in my head for months before it finally all came together) I later decided to change the title a little more than halfway through. The story now has a huge outline for a sequal. This story came out rough because I had to rely on imagination. Jamie has been a difficult character to write because he's so messed up and most of it isn't his fault. He's a good guy and I love him and I really wanted to portray him right so people would love him too. I don't know how well this story turned out but I really hope some people will fall in love with Jamie like I did.

As time went on this story became very close to my heart. And it's not just because I grew to love Jamie as one of my favorite characters ever. I became close to the whole story. When I was writing about Jamie being raped and having nightmares, I started having the same nightmares for a while. I also later realized that writing the story was almost theraputic for me. I never did drugs or anything but I have my own set of problems and Jamie had Gerard to take care of him (Gerard is my hero.) A lot of myself was poured into this story and though it didn't turn out as well as I would have liked it to because it was really a challenge writing I still have hope for the sequal.

The sequal has no name yet but a giant outline. I don't usually have a huge outline, just various notes for stories. I had so many notes left over from I will Save you. I had all these ideas that never got used and all these topics that never got touched on at all. I was in no way ready to get rid of Jamie. Basically, I had this story idea in my head for a long time about one of Gerard's old friends showing up to tour with him and falling in love with him even though he was already engaged to Lyn-Z. Thus, the sequal to I will Save you suddenly came together and I will begin writing it soon. I just love when story ideas finally come together like that.

Zuflucht was started because a substitute teacher was reading through project notes my German teacher had written, and stated that "Katie and Crystal have run off to the Tokio Hotel for their safety." Long story short, I wanted to know what happened after Tokio Hotel got out of the prison in the 'Übers Ende der Welt/Ready Set Go!' videos.

Unclean, whilst it was written for a contest, was also written to prove to myself that I could write in a particular style. The inspiration for it came when I was listening to Beast And The Harlot on repeat and managed to form a story. I was also particularly angry at society that day, and decided to write it as a kind of hate letter to the world, about prostitution and the effects of it.

Another unposted, unfinished story of mine, which also has no name yet, is being written because I have a lot to say, and the voice inside my head won't be quiet about it. By writing it, I want to not only prove to myself that I can complete an entire novel, but to prove a point, give a message, that perhaps the world is going to shambles. It's set in the future, and it's my interpretation of how the world will be like in 2024, and my personal beliefs and thoughts are used within it, as metaphors.

Home Is Where The Heart Is was started because I felt like there needed a story out there to represent Australia at its best. My writing is definitely not there yet, but I do one day want to get it published. I feel like the movie Australia was okay in representing our country but I feel if I took it upon myself to really show the true colours of Australia then I'd do a good job.

This story is also going to prove that I can write a character where she is entirely different from me (because I tend to inject myself into stories subconsciously). In a way, she's a challenge to write because I have to physically restrain myself from making witty/sarcastic comments, as I usually do when writing.

Like A.M. Radio was basically me trying to sort through my love-hate relationship with my particular college and just overall trying to deal with being a freshman in college.

Conversations on a Thursday Afternoon is inspired by Do You Know What I'm Seeing? (a Panic song) and I tried to use that throughout. I included some lyrics, of course.

In the first scene, Brendon mentions a rabbit and then Ryan references the White Rabbit, albeit not by name. This is because the chorus of the song has extremely strong references to the Disney version of AIW.

The reason the story focuses on marijuana use pretty much is because when I was originally given my song for the contest (which I switched), it was for AFYCSO and I didn't realize I'd be writing a Panic song so I went and said something on Tumblr like "very limited options. If it's AFYCSO it'll be I'm in love with Brendon and suffering from teen angst bullshit. And if it's from PO it'll be I'm in love with Brendon and smoke a lot of weed." So I wrote Ryan being in love with Brendon and smoking a lot of weed.

The end of this story references the split.

silk tea. also mentioned my characters hinted at changing and changing and the weather go hand in hand and the song references weather, though this was not intentional. I also didn't include weed because of the Wonderland references because I don't try to put AIW and drugs together.

In When No One Was Looking, the World Heard Everything there's an allusion to "Mad as Rabbits" by Panic! at the Disco. Ryan talks about wanting to fly and then a few paragraphs later he calls Brendon a map. Don't you remember when I was a bird and you were a map?

You Writer, You Liar is crazy weird. I wrote the first lyric thing and then decided to keep going, wouldn't break for longer than a minute so I'd keep that frenzied character in my head. Wrote the thing. Finished it. Then realized Brendon never existed, he was just created by Ryan.

I started to write Reason to live because my English teacher told me to. Obviously not directly, but she suggested that I would write anything, no matter the story content, on a daily basis to improve my creative writing speed in exam conditions. And it worked. I got A's in my final high school exams!
The reason I chose to write about the band KISS is simply because that's my biggest obsession. I'm madly in love with the band and everything they stand for, so writing a story related to them wasn't hard. I scribbled the first few chapters on paper, then found Quizilla. Meeting other KISS fans kept me writing and eventually I ended up here on mibba, completely re-writing my 68 chapter "study tool". I'm still working on it.
The idea of writing about falling in love with Bruce Kulick, the lead guitarist was the result of my growing passion for guitars (he was my hero at the time) and the fact that I was a little love sick. It eventually developed into an epic case of celebrity crushing.
Writing the character of Audrey was a great way to better understand myself as I based her on my own dreams (horrible, I know). Basically, I'm playing out my fantasy through her. Then her bandmates were based a little on people I know. It often became a fun way to vent a frustrating day at school with a particular friend.
The amazing character of Marie is based on a person who has become very close and important to me, and without this story, that friendship wouldn't exist.
In general, writing this story is my way of pretending I'm there in another time, and sometimes that is all I need after a stressful day of work. It's just like watching a movie, except I get to chose what happens.

(Just a note to Dru, I love your theme today. I love that song so much.)

In I Mean This..., the bit in the summary: (Appreciate it 'cause I'll never be able to listen to that song again. Long story, I'l save it for later.)
The story there is that someone almost broke into my house the night I finished the story. I have this weird thing where I associate things with certain events in my life, and I happened to associate "Demolition Lovers" with that night.

What You Took is about virginity. In the drabble, Brendon is a virgin and Ryan is not. Ryan didn't know or realize Brendon was a virgin until after.

What You Thought the Song Meant is an incredibly fractured story that probably doesn't make much sense. But basically I'm just going to break down why the lyrics go with their "segments".

i. the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past

I chose to match this one with Ryan doing the cocaine because it wasn't supposed to be that shocking to Brendon. Ryan did another thing he shouldn't have, Ryan pushed another boundary. It's like everything is the same, but it's not.

ii. 'cause we both know what it's like to be alone

Because Brendon is alone when Ryan's out with other people and Ryan is alone in his head because that's the way he feels.

iii. and there was hope in me that i could take you there

Ryan really believed that moving to California would make everything better. He truly believed he would be able to change and be a good boyfriend and make Brendon happy.

iv. and you don't want to look much closer

This line is more directed at Brendon even though he's not in this scene. Because if he were there, he wouldn't want to look, he wouldn't want to know. It's easier for Brendon if he doesn't know what a struggle it is for Ryan.

v. and if this is what it takes just to lie with my mistakes

Brendon knows he shouldn't be with Ryan but he doesn't care. He'll sacrifice himself to keep Ryan because he doesn't know how to live without him.

vi. it's to dying in another's arms and why i had to try it

Ryan is dying in Z's arms. Figuratively speaking, of course. The dying is more like he's just completely giving up on Brendon and their life and his promises.

vii. if i hurt you then i'm sorry; please don't think that this was easy

This line is pretty much what the whole story is based on. Ryan knows he's hurting Brendon, knows he's hurt Brendon in the past. But he never meant to, he always fought it, and he always ended hurting himself just as badly or worse.

viii. did you know i miss you?

Pretty straight forward. They both missed each other. Brendon missed Ryan more.

ix. but we don't have much room to live

Brendon feels like he's suffocating and he's finally realized what he's gotten himself into. This is when Brendon realizes things will have to change. He still wants to be with Ryan, but he can't have Ryan coming home late smelling like the people he's had sex with. This is when Brendon decides they're going to get separate apartments and he might end up getting a girlfriend.

x. isn't that what you said what you thought this song meant?

Basically this is referring to how love is complicated and it's never the way we'd planned it. Brendon never pictured cheating on his girlfriend that he loves with the guy he loves while the guy he loves has a girlfriend and is screwing other guys on the side. But it's just the way it worked out. And he understands it better now. And the line, specifically, is referencing the way Brendon listens to love songs differently now and how they mean different things to him than they would to the personal with the "typical" monogamous relationship.

It's actually a happy ending, albeit a very twisted one.

Idioglossia Between Strangers [minus the blowjob scene] was written entirely in a private room on Mibba chat with Isa and I alternating paragraphs. We had no intentions of it actually being a story when we started, but it ended up being one without hardly any tweaking.

On the Sixth Day was inspired by two other stories that it doesn't resemble at all.

Reflection

I wrote this because not every story has a damn happy ending. I'm sick and tired of reading stories that have a happily ever after, when sometimes in life things aren't like that. So yeah, I did the over-dramatic thing and had the main character commit suicide. Not exactly how I had it planned out, but thats what she did.

Concordi Discordia was originally written because I was inspired by what I had found out about DID while researching my own disorders and because I wanted to explore crime from the suspect's point of view. I had previously written a few things in non-conventional formats and wanted to have a go at something different in a context where it might work.

However, in the end, it turned into much more than that. I wanted to think about the side of crime and the law that we don't usually see, how the media portrays people and I wanted to try and make people feel sympathy for someone who really had done quite a horrible thing.

It challenged me, gave me a hell of a lot of research to do, which I enjoyed immensely - all names (except for the police, James and Elysia) and places (except for Indulgences, which might even be real because a friend googled it for me so I didn't have "strip clubs in Reading" on my history) and facts in the story that I mention are real - and allowed me to get inside the minds of many different characters.

Also, Karen Davies was my favourite character, even though the chapter I enjoyed writing the most was Hattie's.

Despite everything, however, the one massive flaw in the whole thing is that in the UK, women can't be charged with rape. I only found this out around chapter 3, when I was checking that it was a life sentence punishment for rape. Women can only be charged with "assault by penetration", which is a slightly lesser charge. With this, I had to keep trying to make the story believeable, even knowing that in real life, it could never actually happen.

In terms of naming original characters, the vast, vast majority of surnames I use are either taken from people I know in real life, or from other fictional works.

In Concordi Discordia:
Adinall and Maitland are people that I know
I took Hale from The Crucible
I changed Arielle Goldman, one of the actresses in Team Starkid, to Arielle Goldsmith
I took Harriet Morton from A Company of Swans, by Eva Ibbotson, and kept Morton for her mother, Catriona, who I know also in real life.

I also seem to have a love of the surname "Harper" for no apparent reason. The only place I think I might have taken it from was the character of Harry Harper but I'm not sure...

In The Character Map for Killjoys, the blurred text in the banner is the beginning of chapter 2 of Capitol.

In many of my stories, but particularly Cursed Tales: A Gypsy's Tale I try to kill off a main character but in the end I don't have the heart to do it and I bring them back from the dead. but it works for a nice plot twist. I just am too much of a softy to really kill a main character.
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and I write fantasy because I am too lazy to research about reality/history--but that's more of a confession... oh well.