I'll tell my story.
I grew up in a Christian family. It was not very strict, and I rarely went to church. As time went on, I drifted farther and farther away from God. I had every reason to turn my back on Him. My parents divorced, my step dad was emotionally abusive, my biological dad quit talking to us because of his alcoholism, and I was suffering from my own, completely separate depression. It got bad. I stopped eating and sleeping. I took every pill I could get, drank everything in sight, and smoked whatever I could. Yeah, I cut too. Even when life was at its best, I was miserable. Depression crippled me.
I attempted suicide twice.
There was no point left, and I told my mom I wanted to go to therapy. It was worth a shot. So after months with a therapist, she told me what I knew already - I had to see a psychiatrist. He gave me the shiny diagnosis of "MAJOR DEPRESSIVE ILLNESS", and placed me in the severe range. I was officially in the 30% of people that NEEDED antidepressants. Trial and error followed. I knew deep in my heart that I would never get a real cure out of the meds. They were just like the pills I took to get high. Frustrated with all my therapy, I decided I had one option left: Faith. I figured, "hey, if I'm going to kill myself, I might as well get in good with God first, just in case there is a heaven."
So I went.
The first few times were dull, but I started to get into it. The services started to seem more and more relevant. Eventually, I started going to the youth group at my church. (The thing you need to know is that this church is not like others. We hang out, goof around, listen to music, dance. There are no pews or dusty hymn books. It's contemporary.) I was determined to get into it. I knew now that I didn't need shrinks and pills. I needed God. See, there was an experiment at church. Try to connect with God every 60 minutes. Know you will fail more than you succeed, but keep trying. It felt real when I did it, and something HAPPENED. I talked to God, and he talked back! God told me to stick with it, and be patient. I listened, and continued going.
Last weekend we had a retreat. After getting to know everyone, I feel SO incredibly LOVED. These people are my surrogate/spiritual family.
The presence of God in my life has made EVERYTHING better. I see beauty, and optimism - like my eyes are really open for the first time. God is with me and guiding me each day now, which makes me feel relieved. There are not enough words to describe how powerful that weekend was. All I can say is that I found God, and since then I am a new person. I am HAPPY about life, and I'm excited. I can't describe it. I hope you would all give God a chance, especially anyone in need of love, or a reason to live. He doesn't need to be forced upon you. All you need is an open mind and an open heart. God is always there, and always wanting you. I understand your skepticism 100% and all I can do is ask you to try faith. What can the hopeless loose?
I tell you my story to show what can really happen, even to non-believers. (Most people in my youth group were atheists at one point or another.)
November 15th, 2008 at 10:45am