Claim. Reviewed.
Any
- Quote
- Title.
So before I even saw the little quote you had underneath the banner I totally started singing Rent songs. >.<
Layout
I like it very much actually, which is weird because normally I hate dark backgrounds with bright font. I just like a white story area black font and whatever background color you want. I'm strange like that. But it worked out very nicely, and I love the photo you've got.
Summary
Again with the quote, I saw that and started singing. Which automatically makes me want ot read this. Maybe it's just because I'm a nerd and love musicals, or maybe it's truly fascinating. o.O
I actually like how it's in second person, the rest of the summary I mean. It makes me wonder if that's the entirety of the story. I have zero idea who MAtthew Sanders is, but I LOVE how it's sort of like a self-help thing. Telling us, that there's hope of making yourself better, etc, etc. Very inspiring, and I'm definitely interested in how the rest will be.
Story
The tree was tall, that was the first thing that came to my attention. It stretched far upwards, reaching to the sky and grabbing the clouds with its long, thin branches. The bark was white, peeling in places to reveal a deep, earthy brown. The roots went on for yards before they eventually lost themselves in the tall stalks of the thick grass. Behind the tree was the setting sun, its orange and pink lips kissing the horizon.
This description, this entire paragraph is perfect. I don't even know what words to use to tell you how much I loved it. It set the scene wonderfully, and I'm already stationed to read. Just from this paragraph, I am not going anywhere.
tee-shirt you don't need a dash between these words. It can just be tee shirt.
The way you described the boy...make me want to pelvic thrust. He sounds beautiful. I keep forgetting this is a fanfiction. I need to go look up who this is about and see if he really is as beautiful as you make him seem.
Oh my God, allergies! I LOVE that you included that. The entire few paragraphs about just a sneeze were wonderful. I wasn't bored at all by it. Which is weird because normally I'd be complaining that you went on and on about a sneeze.
Nooooo, come back! Make him come back! I'm hoping this is more than one chapter because I'll have to sue if it isn't. I want them to have a fluffy romance. :(
Overall
It was a great opening chapter. I'm assuming this will be longer because it said that this was a preface? IF so, I will so subscribe. I hope that all of your chapters can be as captivating as this one, but that's doubtful. First chapters are always the best and then the rest suck. In my case, anyway. I'm not saying yours will....O.O I'm going to stop talking now.
July 20th, 2010 at 06:52pm