I've been dealing with depression and axiety problems for year now... I used to cut a lot, but have now been about 2 months without doin so.Lately, I've been having those kinds of thoughts again though... I keep feeling so distant from all of my friends, and even my boyfriend. I want to tell him about what I'm feeling, but I'm scared to. The last few times I've ever tried to tell anyone about this...

So I've had the song "Once Upon a Time in New York City" stuck in my head for months. For those that might not know, this is the song that opens Disney's movie "Oliver and Company".After having the song stuck in my head for months I finally sat down and listened to it again. Now it's kind of inspiring me to write a story slightly based off the song, but more just inspired by it.I've got the basic...

Especially when I'm in college and I have to walk everywhere! :DI'm going to be getting a knee brace in the next week to try and help stabilize it and reduce the pain. :/I'm pretty sure it's from whenever my back decides to mess up and irritate my sciatic nerve (I have a compressed disc in my lower back). When that happens my hip hurts in unGodly amounts and I'm forced to walk in a weird way....

On Sunday I had a random dizzy spell while trying to make myself a sandwich... My boyfriend had to help me back to the couch and the dizziness didn't pass for about five minutes... After that I was pretty much fine the rest of the day.On Monday (yesterday) I went to take the trash out. It's normally an easy chore that doesn't leave me any worse for wear. Well... This time I got back and felt very...

Boredom... I does has.I wish I had thought enough to bring my camera battery charger with me... I have a brand new micro lens for my camera and have only been able to use it a little bit before my batter died... Le sigh~...Listening to Story of the Year is making me nostalgic. I can't figure out what I'm nostalgic FOR though... Hm...I started cutting again... Sad face... I'm not even sure why this...

So... Today I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if the power was out. Sure enough, the power was out.YES! No Biology class!Ha! Yeah right... Walked in the rain to my Biology class and the power came on RIGHT as I walked into the building...After that I had to walk to my Vet Tech lecture... On the way there I happened to take the route that has the biggest, deepest puddle on campus......

So this is just going to be a random rant of confessions and such and hoodles about stuff that's on my mind way more than it should be... And as the title says, if I don't at least say it and get it out to SOMEONE I might end up screaming...OK... Here we go...I cut.I feel fat even though everyone tells me I'm skinny.No matter how little I eat, I feel like I'm eating too much.I'm in a long distance...

Confession number 1: All I want to do lately is hurt myself.Number 2: I'm ashamed of my own feelings.Number 3: No matter how many times I get told I'm skinny, I feel fat.Number 4: No matter how little I eat, I feel like I'm eating too much.Number 5: I'm terrified of being alone.Number 6: I'm constantly paranoid that everyone is watching me, waiting for me to do something wrong.Number 7: I don't...

I have a friend, Devin.I have a boyfriend, Travis.I've known Devin for about two and a half years. I've known Travis for almost a year.I've loved Devin at least a year and a half... He's said before that he loves me, but we can't really be together because we live so far apart. I thought I wouldn't ever be able to have him... So when Travis asked me out, I said yes.Now, though, I'm just not happy...

I'm lonely... I'm kind of sick of being alone... It sucks... I get to hang out with my best friend tomorrow though. I've missed her.In other news, I have a chronically compressed disk in my lower back which is causing sciatica in my right leg.If you don't really know what that all means, basically the part of my spine that cushions my vertebrae has failed (most likely due to my many years of bad...

I was bored today. So you know what I decided to do?I got a third piercing in my left ear. Yup. I did that because I was BORED. God forbid I ever get REALLY bored...Actually, I want snake bites. I have to wait till I'm out of college though (or while I'm in college if I find a way to somehow pay the expenses not covered by scholarships myself) otherwise my dad will cut off my college fund.I've...

So I'm really into photography. I also have a pinched sciatic nerve.Today, I was feeling really artsy and wanted to take some new pictures. At first I was only out for a few minutes because it was about 104 degrees outside. I got a few good pictures, but nothing really worth while.Later, as it cooled down, I went out again. This time I stayed out for about an hour, wandering around a bit more than...

I have a friend who lives here due to family issues...Ever since school let out she's been over at her boyfriend's house a LOT. I mean... She literally spends days over there. I barely see her anymore.Lately my parents have been getting really mad at her. They feel like she's being extremely rude by staying at his house for days on end, coming home for less than a day, dropping off dirty cloths,...

...I get my brand new Black Veil Brides Set the World on Fire album the day before it's released, and I don't even touch it because I'm too busy popping the bubble wrap that it came in. :DYup. For all of you Black Veil Brides fans out there, I got my cd early. No idea why. But I AM NOT complaining!Course I've yet to listen to it due to my fascination with this bubble wrap...But, seeing as how the...

I'm in such a creative mood lately... I really want to start writing again... I updated one of my stories last night (The Face of a Killer) and I wrote the first chapter of a new story. (I haven't a title for it yet so it's not yet posted.)I also edited the prologue for my story, The Mark, and plan on sitting down and finishing what I have of the first chapter. (It's mostly done, but I need a way...

I really just want to pretend like I'm someone else for a little while. Someone who isn't in so much pain who has more friends, a better family, and lives in a better place.My hip has been hurting unbearably lately... I can't sleep because of the pain... Sure I've got sleeping pills, but they make me feel panicky, so I really don't like to take them. My hip has gotten to a point where sometimes I...

I'm just beyond frustrated with so many things...1.) I have a friend who lives here because of family issues. Since summer started (we graduated) she's been staying at her boyfriend's a lot. At first my mom didn't say anything about it. Then one day it's like she just snapped. She went off on ME about my friend... I got mad right back and told her that if she had such a huge problem with it then...

I recently started back on a photography CRAZE. And I mean photography as serious photography... Not bad vacation snap-shot photography... I've been working with a new camera (Nikon D5000!) and I've been getting more familiar with Photoshop. So far I definitely like how it's working out. One of my friends even said that some of my photos look like they were done by a...

Yesterday, May 9th, 2011, a young girl died. I knew her at one point a long time ago. She was my best friend's sister's best friend. She was only 17. She flipped her car last Friday. She's been in a comma since, and yesterday, she lost the fight. It breaks my heart that someone so young had to die so suddenly... She had a girlfriend... All I can think about is what that poor girl must be...

...And it doesn't feel like that was the last day.The realization hasn't hit me yet. It will next Monday after I've graduated...This week is going to be so crazy. I'm almost going to miss today, where all I had to worry about was my Physics final.Tomorrow is the state social studies fair. Wednesday is practice and brunch. Thursday is awards day. Friday is the part. Saturday is my best friend's...