ohhaytommay / Comments

i got my hair cut today,
i'm actually really happy with it for once.
didn't have to be bribed into not smacking the stylist hahah.
i went to Tonic,
i love them.
my hair is suuuuuuper pretty now.
i got a fake on myspace, it made me laugh.
so proof youtube video is being made right now.
don't know what else to say,
i miss youu.
I GOT SEA MONKEYS!
though they're probs gona die quickly.. they always do.
but i shall name one thomas jr.
ahhaha.
<3

hey babe
i miss you.
so so much.
i miss talking with you.
i miss the way you made laugh at almost everything
i miss texting you in calc when i was bored
i miss creeping with you
i miss not wanting to say goodbye to you
i miss that feeling i'd get when i'd sign on msn and see that you were on.
i miss the one person i could talk with about anything and everything
i miss the way you'd tell me the cutest thing ever when i felt like crap.
i miss telling you exactly how i was feeling right at that moment
i miss how protective you were of me
even though i said you didn't have to be,
the fact that you did it anyway
made me realize how much you really cared about me.
i've never had ANYTHING/ONE come close to that for me.
i miss that feeling i got when you'd call me baby
you know how much i liked that.
but more than anything,
i miss my boyfriend<3
you mean so much to me, still you do
just know that i love you, i always will.
you mean the world to me
and i still can't believe you're gone
i'm gonna try to stay happy though
cause i know that's what you want me to do
but somedays it's hard, tommy
it's so hard. like today
i couldn't get you off my head
i'm gonna keep trying though
cause the last thing i want is to upset you.
just remember that i love you so much.
i always will<3

HEY, TOMMY.
MISS ME?

so i was reading what you wrote me today before i went to school.
and remember when you said get into my ivy league university at the end?
i did, today.
i'm going to cornell.
i really wish you could've been here to see me when i opened up that envelope.
you were like one of the first people i wanted to call.
i miss you.
a lot.
it just feels like a part of me is missing.
i can't even put it to words really cause that doesn't really fully justify it.
i just wanna be okay again, even though i'm not sure if i will be anytime soon.
just promise you'll stay with me, even though, i know you will.
i know you're always with me, where it really matters.
this is a lot harder than i thought
but i'm trying my best to try and stay happy
and focus on the good instead of the bad
because i know that's what you would've wanted.
i'm trying my best here.
i miss you, and love you so so much
always<3

i was at your house today,
its so empty.
mom went back home,
couldn't stand being around everything.
TK misses you,
i miss you.
the house is sold,
and its almost winter break.
they cancelled whistler,
didn't feel right going without you.
everything seems to be going wrong, you know?
it happened again,
and now i'm crying.
crying was designed to give me a headache,
and fuck up my makeup.
its almost christmas,
i don't know what i'm going to do with the gift i got you.
i suppose i'll just keep it with me.
i'm really tired,
haven't slept in a while.
i got my test results back,
not the greatest news.
i've made quite a mess of myself,
haven't i?
i feel like this whole thing is my fault.
i was stressing you out most of the time,
with my constant getting into trouble,
and doing stupid things.
i guess i just really want you to come back.
i half expect you to be in my room in the morning,
ready to drive me to school.
and when i see that you aren't,
i just crawl back into bed and don't go.
i know its not the smartest thing for me to do,
but lets face it,
i rarely do whats best for me.
all the sympathetic glances i get in the halls,
and the teachers asking me if i'm alright..
its not the greatest thing.
you're number 12 tommy,
how many more will there be?
i really don't know if i can anymore,
i also don't know why the fuck i'm writing this here..
but it feels like i get to talk to you,
even if i don't get a response.
i miss you,
kat misses you,
she hasn't left her room since.
i've gone to see her,
but shes broken.
shes not kat anymore.
scary kids scaring kids are coming to toronto in feb.
its their last tour ever.
i think i'm going to go see them,
they held me together, and still are.
i know how bad you wanted to see them live,
but at least this way,
i can tell you all about it soon.
i love you brother bear,
nothing really feels the same anymore.

so i was sooo excited yesterday
when i found out i was leaving today :D
that i forgot to comment you and say happy 1 month.
i know shame on me,
but anyways,
happy 1-day belated 1 month babe<3
i love you & miss you so much<333

p.s. btftw
ahahahahahaha
(:

ugly,
i'm in the hospital too!
isn't it just great?
i'm going to shut up now because i now have a plain toasted bagel with cream cheese waiting for me.
PCEOUTTTTTTTT<3

i'm in the hospital again.
hypoglycemia is all outa whack.
i think they're gonna put me on new medication
cause the one i use now, CLEARLY isn't working.
hahaha, anyways
i'm wearing the shirt i bought you
it's still super comfy (:
my nurse is mean.
i threw my notebook at her
and then made her pick it up.
hayley and josh told me to do it!
she deserved it though.
i like can't fall asleep.
i can never fall asleep the first night i'm in here.
and guess what my nurses name is.
okay i'll just tell you
it's the same as our girl b-dawgs.
that's only funny thing about her.
cause the rest is all MEAN.
okay so my laptop is about to die
you know how good it is at doing that
and i'm too lazy to get up and get my powerchord
naturally.
so i'm gonna go.
i miss you
but i love you even more (:
<3333

another hilarious story to follow up dianas.
i doubt mine is as funny though
but anyways,
so about aan hour and a half ago i went to starbucks
cause that's just what you do at like 7:30 on a thursday
and so i'm driving home all excited
and pull in my driveway.
and that's when i see it
the CUTEST little family of rabbits
omg they were definition of adorable.
so i got so excited when i saw then i whip open my car door to go try and get a pic of them on my phone.
all the while forgetting that there is a HUGE patch of black ice right in front of my car.
so when i run around the front of my car i literally up end myself
and land straight on my ass.
and end up throwing my phone backwards across my driveway and into a pile of snow.
so this whole little scene i've managed to cause has scraed away the cute little rabbit family
so i'm just like FML.
and it took me like 10 minutes to find my phone in the snow.
so now i have a water logged phone
and a bruised ass
it's a pretty lethal combination.
hahahahaha,
i thought you'd enjoy that.
(:
i love youuu<3

i have THE most hilarious story for you,
it happened at your funeral.
i know, the beginning sounds morbid but it really isn't.
so me and david, josh, trevor, gage, greg, kyle and kevin were in the front row with your mommy.
and there was supposed to be five minutes of silence..
but all of a sudden josh whispers to me
"tommy hated silence.. he wouldn't want silence."
so he proceeded to scream
"AND THEN IT WENT BOOM!"
and i couldn't just let him go it alone
so i screamed
"SHAKA BOOM!"
and anyone who knew what we were talking about started laughing
and your mom started laughing
it was pretty amazing.
i still miss you though.
and i found your car keys,
>:)

so i stayed home from school today
i just needed to take another day to get my head right.
but when i woke up i had the baddest urge to clean off my car.
cause there was like tons of snow on it.
but getting to the point, haha
when i went inside the passenger side of my car just seemed to be missing something
it took me awhile to realize, but i think what was missing was you.
so as corny as it sounds
i went on here and creeped your profile (naturally, i know) and took my favorite (notice the no u)
picture of you and put it right above the seat in the visor thingy.
now that space is officially a tommy space (:
and i have no plans of moving it.
just thought i'd let you know i was thinking about you (:
i love you so much<3

so i'm chilling in your room
its quite messy,
i thought about cleaning it.. but changed my mind.
i found a bunch of change.. i'm going to take it.
because i need money for lunch tomorrow.
somethings missing here though,
where are your guitars idiot.
boredom is taking over,
and your car is in the drive way.
i wanted to go for a joy ride,
but i can't find your keys either.
still making my life difficult,
i guess i miss you though.
a lot,
and i found your song book.
if you thought i wouldn't look under your mattress you were sadly mistaken.
your room is kinda .. gloomy though.
and your computer is completely dead.
but yeah,
i'm going to shut up now.

and there was a snow storm you would have loved,
just so you know.

you have no idea how much i already miss you.
every second just seems to make it that much more real.
tommy, i love you<33
and i miss you soo much already.
keep safe watch over me.
i love you babe<3

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

i love you<333

tommy,
i don't even know where to begin.
the short time i knew you, felt like an eternity.
i've never held someone so close to me.
you really were a part of me.
i still don't know how to react.
i can't believe you're gone.
i don't want to believe it, i really don't.
but just know, no one will ever replace you.
you'll always be MY tommy.
and for all intensive purposes, you're still mine<3
hell, you'll always be mine<3
i love you so much and i always will.
you showed me that love can cover hundreds of miles
i didn't have faith in love until i met you, and because of you i know i'm better.
you truly did bring out the best in me.
my parents noticed, my friends noticed, heck i mean my granpa even noticed.
and he's old (:
i mean you were all i talked about.
you were all i wanted to talk about.
no one's ever meant as much to me as you do.
there's always going to be a place for you in my heart.
and no one will ever take that place.
it's only for you.
it's a tommy-space<3
well i think i'm gonna end this by saying thank you.
thank you for showing me what real love was.
from the second you first told me you loved me
i knew you meant it.
something in my gut just told me.
and i'll never forget that feeling you gave me.
to know that someone truly loves me, just for who i am.
you mean so much to me babe
and i still can't believe you're gone.
but i'm gonna try to stay strong,
because i know that's what you would've wanted.
i love you so much babe<3
you'll always be with me.
i know you will.
<333

seriously tommy, SERIOUSLY.
like what the fuck are you thinking?
mad doesnt even begin to cover how mad i am at you.
why would you just leave me here like that?
what happened to the "IF YOU GO, I GO"
I HAVENT GONE ANYWHERE, AND YOU'RE GONE.
you stupid bastard.
i take that back,
you stupid fucking ASSHOLE.
who the fuck is going to bring me food, and get me out of trouble, and drive me to school when winter gets here, and make me feel better when i'm upset, and read me fucking corny bed time stories when my insomnia is at its worst, and loan me their ipod when i need music, and put up with my mood swings, and just sit with me when i can't be alone, and who the fuck am i going to talk to when theres no one but you who i can tell everything too? you just LEFT. theres no one to drive me to the ER at absurd hours of the morning, and no one to watch stupid pointless movies on the family channel with. you promised me you wouldnt, you promised just like they all promised.
except i thought you wouldn't lie to me.
just like they all did.
i'm going to miss you every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year.
you were the best big brother any idiot kid could ask for,
and i know you'll be seeing me,
whether you like it or not.

"Life is a rollercoaster. So sit down, strap in, hold on for dear life, and hope the tracks don't derail. If they do, hope the straps stay. If the straps don't work, then I'm sorry; life must just not like you." - a great big brother once said, to make me laugh in the hardest of times.
volim te, ich liebe dich, je t'aime, i love you.

so they gave me a laptop,
after they told me.
and i figured josh would have changed your online status.
you know, all i have to do is take the elevator down to your floor to see you,
but i wont really be seeing you.. will i?
you fucking promised, i used to think those weren't bullshit
you know, you probably got into oxford, and now some ugly snotty-nosed idiot is going to get that place instead of you.
i guess i'm just venting,
it'll all hit me soon enough,
and who knows.. maybe you'll be seeing me sooner than anticipated.
if you can break a promise,
why can't i?
i love you brotherbear,
i'll probably vent some more soon.
god knows i'm not talking to these awful doctors,

restinpeace bro
nothings gon be the same w/o yu

happy three week (:
i love youu<3

srsly?
i've gotten UofT down so far
tryna do UWO rite now
its fuken stupid