Echo / Comments

Peotry.
It varies.
Some authors I like are: Alyson Noel, Meg Cabot, Melissa De La Cruz, and loads more.
those are just some off the top of my head.
what about yourself?

hello!
thank you!
the most ive donated is over 6,000 grains.
took hours.

I'm missing you. Very much. Drop me a line if you can. ~

xxx Lucy

Myrtle.
This was supposed to be a really rad comment I’ve been working on all this time.
But instead, it is turning out to be… something else. Not-so-rad. This. Let me tell you, I’m trying really hard as I’m writing this, but words won’t come back once you lost them and damn, we’ve had it all before. I must look like such a basket case to you. I’ve been defeated by the will of my own computer again, and let me tell you; yes, it DOES have a will of its own and it is certainly working against mine. As I told you, I was dumb enough to go and lose almost a page worth of words for you put together in an incredible, ingenious, poetic way that actually was of literary value…, at least something close to it.
I am so mad at myself for letting that happen AGAIN. I also feel like I’m failing you somehow…
But I’ll do my damnest not to let this happen ever again because it is getting repetitive and quite ridiculous how something delays me every time. It makes me feel so useless. Shame on me.


***************

Oh, right!
I had almost forgotten about this because it has been so long but yeah, I passed that exam I have told you about. And I was wrong about breaking down afterwards as I had all my breakdowns the day before. Yes, there were more than just one and they were major. It was a horrible day, horrible holidays; I’ve been putting pressure on myself the whole two months. It was very straining. God I was so worried. It was quite unnecessary though, because the actual test was a lot easier than I had expected. I managed to give an excellent performance (yes, I have to brag now) which resulted in me getting my report card fixed with a two-grades-up in Mathematics. Meaning I’ve got a... you would say C (?) now. Not too bad in my book.
And, I wouldn’t forget that; thanks for wishing me luck. Your leprechauns surely did their work^^


*********************

On to different things...

I think you need a few things that are just your own and no one else’s. Some of those things might burden you or bother you but I feel like if you don’t actually want or need anyone to know about them, then it is okay to keep them to yourself. Like, there’s certain things that I would like to get off my chest yet I’d rather not have anyone actually know about them as they’re my own personal comfort zone of things no one knows but me. It’s strange and kind of hard to explain as the whole thing is somewhat contradictory in itself (I actually have no idea how something can be somewhat contradictory to something). I guess I wouldn’t want to know a person’s each and every “secret” either; it would make them entirely uninteresting to be around. We all know it. And I believe that some things are better off unsaid.

And, quoting you: “You know, I think sometimes I'm meant to carry a heavy load in life. Some people breeze through their lives, not a care in the world, everything working out just right. I'm jealous of them, and still pity them terribly. It's not like I haven't tried to unload my mind. My thoughts can suddenly gather into a vivid, passionate outburst of witty and intelligent dialogue or monologue, form faces and places and clothes and people in the speed of light and play out like a play in my head, me being the fly on the wall. But as soon as I grab a pencil to draw or write, it's gone. I still remember it, but I can't for the life of me phrase it or draw it. After a day or two the play is gone and I have nothing to remember it by except for the sad memory that it once existed.”

It is EXACTLY how I feel. I couldn’t describe it in a better way. I always feel like I’m so close to creating THE real thing but when I try to put it on paper I can’t. And if I then force it it will not turn out the way it had been meant to. It’s more than frustrating; it’s depressing.
It is why I always hate everything I create the moment I pause to think about it; because then I realize it looked a lot better way back in my head.


I think that actually putting a face on your characters is even more hopeless than not doing so; whatever reason you might have for doing/not doing it. I find it hard to find the right words to explain this right now… It’s just… leaving your beautiful heroines faceless; not allowing yourself to give your own face to them, it leaves space for… I don’t know if it is all tragic enough to call it “hope”. I think it’s something that needs to be named yet, but for now and my limited English vocabulary “hope” is close enough, I guess.


I wish I could have “strange ideas about dead men” as you so hilariously put it. XD
Really, it takes more than that for me to get out my gun and scream “stalker perv alert!!”, don’t worry about that. I’ve had many strange ideas come to my mind in my life, though none of them have ever been of such precious artistic skill of mind, basically they were nothing worth sharing, really. Notice that I do dare to call your “creepy- stalker-ish- big- scary- freak” scenes the product of unconscious artistic skill; to me that’s the most appealing and loveable kind. Damn me and all my predictability.
I always thought if someone told me things like this, real personal things no one would think of asking about, I would find it weird and think they’re crazy for telling me this because I certainly wouldn’t tell them those things about me but now that it’s actually happening I find it to feel perfectly right and easy to comprehend and even relate to. It’s weird how these things work. Maybe talking about all those things puts me at ease about myself with my weird/embarrassing/twisted/irrational thoughts for the scenes playing in my mind.
I have been in love with all of them. All the things my head could come up with. Very much so. That strange love backfired on me though because I let my plays completely take me out of my mind once a while ago which I guess was nice for a while but there were more days they’ve had me miserable and fail at life. It sounds like your stereotypical addiction with all the cliché stuff involved and I guess that is just what some of my stories were in the end. It’s all rather pathetic.

As for your scene descriptions; I can be completely in love with them without running the risk of relapsing into the state of a moon-eyed calf all over again, because it is all yours; and so I am. I somehow wish I was part of them though. They’re enchanting.
…I mean, I could always squeeze myself in there, disturbing your animated conversation with Wilde or something (which would be very rude of me, so please believe me, I won’t try to do that), if I wanted to. XDDD No. Just sitting there, watching from a safe distance to enjoy other people’s scenes and novels is good enough for me.


***********************

Something different; I decided to give kids from my school private lessons; English lessons to be exact. I’d been thinking that I need to try something new that doesn’t include me sleeping during the day for awhile but I couldn’t really come up with anything until now. You know, I really sleep a lot, sometimes I think I am wasting my life away sleeping! I hardy ever do anything apart from going to school, sleeping and eating (you could say I am kind of anti-social) so I decided that this needs to change. And well, teaching other people English makes me good for something. Plus I get money.
And I am aware that I’m not exactly an expert on the English language but I’m not bad for my age, considering it’s a non-English-speaking country I’m living in.
…. Yes. Just something I wanted to share.


Oh, and that book you told me about, The Earthquake Bird, well, I thought I’d like to give it a try, start reading again, but I couldn’t find it anywhere =(
I’m still working on getting my parents to buy it on Amazon for my birthday… I don’t know if that will work out though. But I’m trying!!


************

I’m really tired now. I had an exhausting day and it is kind of late… I had more things to write but I can’t remember them right now… I should go to bed. I will.

I hope you’re doing well in... Kentucky, was it? That last time we had an MSN conversation you were gone so fast I couldn’t ask you some things I wanted to. And now I’ve forgotten them.

Good night. Or morning, or whatever time of the day you happen to read this.

Myrtle.
You’re a mystery. I hope I’ll never figure you out.
That would be the saddest day. Or maybe not. Anyway.

Here’s one of my diamonds for you *
Please stay in my world, right where you are.

xxxxxX Lucy. I wear that name like a gorgeous necklace, but with pride.

I quote: "ReportLinkQuoteJuly 26th, 2008 at 01:39pm
Since some of you couldn't follow a few simple rules we had to make them even simpler. This is what you're allowed to upload:

1. Photos of you
2. Photos of you with other people / pets

Is that simple enough? No artwork, drawings, graphics, screenshots, photos of other people/pets/objects/landscapes.

If you break this rule, you'll get banned from the site. Permanently. There's no way back. Your stories, poems and journals will be deleted. If you try to make another account, you'll get banned again.


This rule applies only to photo galleries. It doesn't apply to avatars, profile photo etc." end quote.

To me that pretty much means no pictures of nothing besides yourself with or without other people. It's pretty sad but I think I'm right with this one. Please read that really soon >__<

And I have to beg you for forgiveness a million times. I have an exam in 4 days which will decide if I can or cannot move on to 11th grade, you see. I failed math this year so now I have this huge-ass exam coming that includes the subject material of the whole year. If I faill I'll be held back and I'd have to repeat 10th, meaning pretty much the death of the few brain cells I have left since maths is the only subject I'm really bad at; hell I excelled in basically anything else (i wasn't trying to actually sound this conceited, god...); anyway, having to listen to everything all over again would dull my poor mind and bore me to i-could-care-less.
At the moment I'm scared and stressed to no end, I'll probably break down crying with relief once it's over. That also means that, at the moment, I'm not capable of having thoughts about anything too smart besides my maths formulas. Which again means that I'll only manage to give you a proper reply once the exam is done and over but no sooner =( Sorry.
I really miss you. Please read this soon.

xxxxxxLucy Out Of Mind

Myrtle,
ughh, I'm so sorry for this being no response to your comments, but I just discovered that there's a new mibba rule saying you're not allowed to have graphics/artwork/pictures of people besides yourself in the picture gallery anymore and that you'd get banned if you still had those... and since you mainly have photoshop art in there... I thought I'd point that out, I really wouldn't want to get you banned from this site for stupid reasons. although if you came on mibba you'd probably figure that out yourself, i just want to make sure you do. so yeah. I hope you'll notice in time >__<
i'll give you a proper response soon. i have so much to say. and so little time. or patience. bear with me.

xxx Lucy On The Spot. ;)

Myyyyrrrrrrtle…
I don't like the way things happened. I come here today after maybe two months of having to live life without internet access, therefore no way or chance to reach you and... I thought maybe you'd have given up on me by now... You didn’t. I’m sorry. So very sorry.

Uhh… I read your massages, and your note. I guess you’re already gone as your last message dates June 30th. Ha, I’m always late. Guess you just got a taste of that.
Well, I’m not sure where it is you’ll be staying for ten months (New York maybe? I remember you mentioning a student exchange trip a while ago), but I sure hope that wherever you are, there’s chances for you to get on a computer sometime, so you can read this message and see that I haven’t forgotten. But if not, I’d still wait for you to come back you know, just to assure you. This means way too much for me to just forget about over the span of ten months.

I feel really bad that I’m not properly responding to that long message you wrote me months ago. You seemed to be having a rough time and I would have loved to say anything to make you feel better if I could’ve, because that’s what you’ve been doing all along ever since we’ve been writing each other. But since it’s been so long since you wrote that I am not sure I could say anything that still applies to it… I can only hope that you’re better now, if that is even possible because what you said then seemed very... final. It would be sad to hear though, that someone that has become so close and dear to me above anyone else I’ve met in my life in some aspects, someone I believed thought the same about me, should feel this way about themselves. You deserve more than that, I know this, and it’s final as well. I feel guilty though because I can’t really say what I know I want to say now, because I’m out of words to say it. I would say it, though, if that makes sense, I’m sorry.

Sometimes I really wish I could say things the way I want to.
I feel like you could put my own thoughts into words a thousand times better than me, better, as in the way I would say them, or could say them, if I could. I would give you the words you deserve. The fact that I owe you so much but only ever pay back in inappropriately dull and small coins I hopelessly try to inflate, well, it bothers me more than just a little. Forgive me.

Do I apologize too much to still sound sincere? I hope not.

Myrtle. You’re not a name, but not a concept either. You’re an essential part of a world based on that concept, if worlds can even be based on something let alone concepts. Maybe this world can. I also think that while you can’t fail a name that truly means you, you can fail a concept, but in your case “failing” it would mean a change of concept with no damage to anything whatsoever. Like you said, you can only grow, not fail.
Trust me and my over- dramatic self to say something like this.

Now I forgot what else I wanted to say. It’s because I always think everything you write through for a while and form my own thoughts and answers before I start to write, and because of this I sometimes forget what I originally wanted to say because while I was concentrated on writing I indulged in new thoughts and things to say. I’ll just go with thinking that if it won’t come to me now it wasn’t of great urgency.

Oh yeah, another thing, I added you on MSN. The thought of that is quite strange if not a bit funny because it seems so unlike us. Maybe there will be a change of concepts after all. The only thing I might be a little worried about concerning this is becoming redundant. I’m afraid that one day we might wake up and have nothing left to say. It’s happened to me before.
But since as for now, I’ve got so many thoughts to tell you, most of which I don’t even know of yet; just scratch that.

So, I would write more but I’m not sure when or if you’re ever going to read this, or if what I wrote now will ever make sense again after today, so I would like to leave it at this.

It’s been a long time.
If you ever get the chance to get online and read all this… drop me a line. Hopefully you will. Ten months is a damn long time to deprive me of your words.


Xxx Lucy Wilde, as I’ve been named.

Not forgetting.
Missing you.
Waiting hopefully.
As have you.

Thank you for commenting on my article on feminism. In response to your comment, I would like to ask for any of the sources of your information, on these "two branches of feminism" you talk about in your comment. To my knowledge, feminism is only about equal rights for women, but I could be wrong. Could you please direct me towards some articles that reinforce your statement that there is a branch of feminism where women consider themselves superior? Again, I would like to say that I do not believe these women to be feminists, because they are contradicting the most basic of feminist beliefs: women are equal to men and nothing more.

Thank you.

... and now I wonder what she is doing, so far away, so untouchable, with words as free as I will never be.

I hope you're still out there. I am changing all the time, waiting for you to write. So many things change and so many remain as they are. I don't know what to say. But I would say it anyway.

I hope you're still with me. Still my Myrtle. One and only.

I'm reading again. Oscar Wilde. A million notes litter my walls and desk. There is so much to say. And so much to remember. No beginning without an end, right? God, if I knew what I'm saying...

Write me.

I stumbled upon your profile and I decided to say hi.
You seem like an amazing writing. (:

bra typ :P jävligt bakis dock xD

Myrtle!

I've really taken my time this time, haven't I? Well I'm sorry to say that all I have for an excuse is "I was sick and tired a lot", I mean it's true but it won't get me, or you, or anyone else anywhere. So if you would please just forgive me that will be all that i need..

I read what you said about this Spirituality book and everything, and you should have seen my face then; it probably looked a lot like this: -___-
I had heared of that Rosemary Altea person before and her "work" really isn't something anyone that actually wanted a book on Spirituality should waste their time on... but I think you've discovered that already... That woman appears on talkshows and tells a lot of bullshit, but hey, she gets paid for it. I believe it's best to just not mind people like her, they do what they do and people may believe it or not. You shouldn't be too mad at yourself or anything.
In my opinion spirituality is generally a good thing and i see the importance; it can give people hope etc. I also think, though, that everyone is/should be allowed to have their own form of spirituality. Whatever we believe in doesn't have to be written in a book, doesn't need rituals, doesn't need prayers unless that is what we want. And whatever one woman say about there being 13 souls (and then one evil) I won't believe it. If it was written in the bible I wouldn't, and I never will. That is not me and my "spirituality". Not being part of a religious group doesn't make me an unspiritual person, right?
And only because some people believe (or make believe) our deepest to be so shallow, as you said; it still isn't as long as that is what you believe. I also think that there is a lot more to you than some "Retrospective Fire Soul" or whatever. I know that there's a lot more than what a close friend or family member, or even you yourself can see. You shouldn't worry, really you shouldn't. Spirituality is about what you believe and not what others tell you to believe or try to make you believe; and that's what I believe. You may disagree with me though ;)

Rain! You don't know how much I loved walking through the streets in the rain barefoot that one summer waay back... Or the day I took the long way home when it was pouring like crazy and you could walk through knee- high pools of water... or the day i laid down on the ground just letting myself get soaked... wow it's getting a bit weird o__o but thats actually how much I love rain! I can't actually tell you my fascination with it; it could be the fact that when it rains all other noise is dulled and softened and doesn't really matter anymore... it's like the earth breathes in and calms down for a while... I know I hopelessly romanticize things! >__< it's the way i like to think though, because it makes me appreciate things.

Sappho, yes... I've never read or heard of this particular poem before, although i am familiar with some of her work. and, why, thank you for sharing it, as it made my day that much better^^. I love ancient greek/roman poetry with a passion and i indulge myself in stuff by Ovid and Virgil and.... ...and yeah.

I have to tell you something, it actually happened some time ago, well nevermind that. I dreamt of you! I knew it was you although you name was never mentioned and you probably looked different in that dream from how you really look, i'm not sure... I believe that you looked something like the picture of you with the longer, red hair. It was a really weird dream, as most dreams are; I was calling you on the phone in the middle of the night while trying to escape from a huge dark house by jumping out of the window and flying away with something like airplane- wings attached to my back... I was being chased by someone i think and there was also a speaking black cat that turned into a half- human creature somewhere along the way my dream went and I was calling you right when I was running upstairs to jump out... I can't remember what we were talking about but i think you somehow reassured me or helped me in some way... I also don't remember what your voice sounded like in my dream... but i know i was picturing your face all along while we were talking. Meh... that was the most random thing ever right? I have no idea what made me tell you this .___." i had actually forgotten about it...
but i was reminded when i read what you said about Myrtle and Lucy being some sort of symbol to us, and i think my dream shows just how much of a symbol Myrtle- or I'd rather say you AS I KNOW YOU- have become to me. I won't go try and interprete my dreams because I don't know anything about that but i know you are somehow very important to me (beyond what i thought?) as you kept my sleeping mind occupied.
it made me wonder if we could understand each other just as much in "real life" as opposed to over the internet, with words i can't believe i'd ever speak. i know it's useless and will just sadden me though so i'll push this away and focus on this chance i'm very thankful for; being able to get what you say is really you, in whatever way i recieve it.

As for fate and everything, let me make this short; I think that every choice you make is the right one simply because YOU choose YOUR life and fate really has nothing to do with it. And even if you believe in fate, you are still the one choosing your life, you just tell yourself that how it turned out was fate in the end. There's not that big a difference really. Every action has consequence. i choose my fate, so it is no longer fate. and if that was just fate as well, at least i chose it myself. and i completely agree with your saying that if we can't change our fate we shouldn't be able to feel regret. That's something that scares me infinitely; my biggest fear is to regret because of the things I chose in my life. At the same time it also gives me reassurence though, because it were MY choices that led me to wherever. I guess i'd feel so much more horrible if I had to regret the choices someone else made for me. that's my opinion..
.... although you might catch me saying the complete opposite at times, as i said, "when it comes in handy." but in general, that is what i believe and so it is what i know.
I guess that wasn't too short after all... X'D

... Contrary to popular belief, I never actually get sick of being an emotional garbage can for people! I really don't mind getting loaded with others' personal stuff, it actually makes me feel like i'm good for something. I know that must sound like i'm really selfish, like i'm just being nice to clear my conscience or something and maybe that's part of it, too. But believe me when I say that i really, really don't mind you or anyone "pushing stuff onto me" because that's not what it feels like to me. I know that I myself "use" you as someone to tell things i need to get off my chest but don't know how to speak out...
I also gave up on apologizing every time I go rambling now; you should, too. If there's ever anything you want to say and can say or just felt like telling, don't be afraid to do so. i do find your rambling more valuable than a shitload of other things in my life.
and whatever happened to upset you this much... I hope it will be alright. Or maybe not alright, but at least bearable in a way.

You say there is nothing we can do, nothing to balance out the universe; it's true. We can't. But we can try, and every time we do it's more than nothing. It can be everything. For someone. And that's all that matters.

And humans; we will always be the same we have been from the very beginning of our (rise? and) fall. We've been no better, no worse thousands of years ago, only we have more possibilities now, and that's a dangerous thing. Or maybe not, if nothing really matters anyway, but I still cling to my life thinking it does. It does! To me!
I dunno if we'll survive long enough to draw a bottom line, or if we'll draw the line on ourselves. We like to be stubborn. We don't want to see that nothing we create can ever last. I just hope I won't live to see all the systems we thought we had built come crashing. I mean, they really are starting to crumble right now. They probably already started way back.
We'll see.


*huge mood switch*
I am very happy to tell you that I'm in fact feeling better about things now. I have no idea what caused this but I'm starting to enjoy things i thought were dead for me, again. I've taken up guitar lessons again and it makes me happy and i come home smiling and excited everytime! I also found out that I can and actually like cooking more than i thought. you must know, I've always been convinced that i'm the type of person that can burn water and I've been dead afraid of the oven and stove and kitchen utensils it's ridiculous! I believe I've never had the chance or the will to be independent; I've always had someone to take care of me; my sister and parents would do a lot of things for me. Yes, I may sound a spoiled brat but it has really gotten me nowhere. In fact, it has gotten me to be afraid of the most simple things and incapable of doing a lot of everyday- stuff (e.g. i wouldn't know how to buy a train ticket and i'd rather get beaten up than talk to a stranger)... yeah. Shame on me, I know.
Anyway; since my sister is not around so much anymore and my parents are working I'm alone most of the time recently. And I guess that somehow is a good thing. One day I was really bored (I'm bored a lot so I sleep a lot) and hungry so I just started to cook something, and guess what, I didn't blow up the house! I am aware how stupid that must sound but I was like WOAH; for lack of a better word. it was even eatable, too. I know it's quite pathetic and it makes me feel like an idiot too, but i was really proud of myself then. It was like for the first time ever I had done something all by myself. And ever since I've been cooking from time to time and liking it! God I feel like I really need to hide right now... I bet I'm blushing like an embarassed kid .__.
I know it's just a very little thing but it's a personal progress for me anyway and I believe it is necessary. It feels like discovering myself actually. It's nice. I wonder what's yet inside of me to be discovered....

It made me laugh, or snort, to be exact, that you said that I "put into words the things you wish you could express yourself". Because that's exactly what I think everytime I read anything you've written (yes I snort X'D). I can't help but wonder how that can be; i feel myself to be writing a lot of shit at times. But, okay, I won't question that now.

And the thing with being yourself.... I tell you a lot of things i in my mind believe to be important but would and could never say to someone's face in fear of being... more than rejected, I don't know. Maybe I'm afraid to be told that what I value is ridiculous, because that would make it final; even more so than if I told myself that what i believe is the biggest nonsense ever. Because when it comes down to it I always seem to think that other people are right and I'm not. I don't trust my beliefs a lot sometimes because "I'm just a stupid teenager and i have no idea of life and everyone knows so much more than me."
But I still told you all those things, and somehow you keep agreeing and understanding and showing me things and ways I'd never thought of. Sometimes I wonder if you are even a real person... but i know you are and that makes me happy. It makes me happy more than so many other things in life to know that you are out there somewhere and you're real and i'm talking to you and ... yeah.

I shall leave it at that.
Know that I will never forget you either. Whatever may happen.


Goodnight for today. I really need to sleep more...

Lucy xoxo



p.s.: I almost forgot; yes, that is Swedish they're talking in that video, the band being my new obsession Deathstars *__* I really like how it sounds; Swedish, I mean^^

That's not corny at all! I have a whole page in my agenda devoted to his lovely likeness. ^-^

ok thnx

hi :)

And once again... How I love writing you...

A happy Old Year's ending, a happy New Year's start for you... In fact, I wish for you to have a wonderful year ahead of you... Please don't forget me...

New Year's eve always gets me thinking. It's so official, like the world is preparing to make a whole new start day-to-day. It doesn't seem to work in most cases though, and a week after the beginning all those pretty New Year's resolutions lay forgotten and abandoned and noone cares anymore because it's not a "new" year anymore. A whole year feels old after the first day, no?

Still, I can't help but think that things can change, I just have to start. And an official date for a start seems kind of more motivating for starting to start, don't you think? Because of that I still have a to-do-for-myself-list for the next year.

I promise I'll be able to start writing, drawing, playing my piano/guitar again in the new year. I promise it won't feel empty anymore. I promise I won't shut my will to create down. I won't give up on this one thing I love to do and I won't be feeling like something's always missing, anymore. Like I can never say it all, like I can't find the words to say it. I will try. I will be motivated again. I will be passionate in my work. I will be passionate in life.
Yeah. That's pretty much it. ...

About "always missing something"...
I admire you for being able to say "I said it all", and mean it.
I can work every day to make people praise and compliment my work, but in the end it puts me to shame every time. I remember how I never feel so fulfilled like I do while rebuilding a piece of my mind, but at the same time I never feel as redundant, trivial, ludicrous as I do afterwards. My own "art" ridicules me..
But as I said, I'm trying. I will make this sacrifice, every single day, if I must.
If you could tell me how you do it..? I really want to know...

Stop the melancholy. I notice how I must sound so whiny. hmm...

Smile once more.

Drink a glass of sparkling wine.

Watch the fireworks. Be afraid of them.

Think of the good things there are.

Think of you. What you're doing. What you're thinking.

Beautiful. It can be beautiful.

Happy New Year to you.

My own Myrtle, is it?

.......... ... ....

xoxo Lucy, for all I care.

Oh god, Myrtle... it happened again! I was writing you this crazy- long comment WEEKS ago when my internet decided to pull some error out of its ass (excuse my language xD Does internet have an ass? .__.) and close down completely... after that i had to set my computer up all new to make it work again... I havent been able to find the inspiration and have a go at writing you again, but now I have =D

How was your Christmas? I hope it was as beautiful for you as it was for me this year (yes I do celebrate it ^^). I wish I could say "Merry belated Christmas" but that would be pretty pointless, so I'm just going to wish for you to have had a good Christmas and hope for my wish to have come true, because i'm selfish like that =)
I'm really so happy to hear about your gandfather... The thought of someone having to spend Christmas in hospital is just... it seems very depressing to me. It's good he is able to spend his time with family at home if that's what he wants, I think it's important too. It's sad you start thinking about all these things under such circumstances though... It made me happy though because you see, my grandma got out of hospital too, her operation went well and she is still recovering from the chemo but she is doing alright and I know she will pull through and everything.
That, and this ever returning feeling of being a small child again every year around Christmas, made it beautiful to me.. The snow and everything, from years before... I can't say it without getting all corny... God I'm so attached to memories sometimes I think I live in the past rather than the present. but that's way off the point >__<

names... hmm, I've never really given them my thought, for I've always seen them as rather trivial and replaceable, just letters that dont mean anything and are there only to be attached with one's face, as you said, but nothing further. I have to admit that I've never paid attention to them, but I think I understand now what you're saying about how they have a certain secret value and stuff... I'll have to think about this some more. I'm already certain though that there's more to it than meets the eye.
And, yes I do remember that Jasmine girl you told me about... that was already... uhh weird enough, in lack of a better word. But this stuff with Lucy and Myrtle, damn... I was like, "how is that possible?!" It intrigued me to no end, it was crazy; I even thought that maybe you'd just read wrong so I researched it only to have it confirmed...
So, Myrtle and Lucy. That's what we are now, isn't it?
I'm not entirely sure about fate, I guess I tend to believe in something like that whenever the situation's "right".. As in, sometimes I'd like like to think that my destiny is written down somewhere and no matter what I do, in the end it will be fulfilled anyway. Or sometimes I just like to blame life for everything, and then a thing like fate comes in handy...
Yes... I can't help it. Most of the time though I won't let anyone tell me that I am not in control of my life. After all it's what makes life special, like it is only yours and you can do what you want with it. I guess I take comfort in knowing that.

At times it really seems I have a hard time believing in people's depth, shield or not. It happens so often I watch people just living their life and then they do something and I'm like, "Are they fucking serious?!" Maybe it's me, maybe I'm just a close- minded person, but I like to think that I'm not anyway. Then it will get my thinking about them and I try to believe that they are more than they show to be. And then, sometimes I wish so bad to be able to figure out people I get mad that I can't. Usually it's a tie whether I'm mad at people in general or just myself, it's crazy, and rather dumb, really.
I guess I just have my problems with humanity or what they dare to call humanity... I find people fascinating and despiseable, yet somehow loveable, even understandable; just utterly confusing. I'm not even going to try to understand my own words now...

I've read the story; The Bitter Wine Memento (again, weeks ago but whatever)!
For a long time I'd been unsure what to tell you or how to put my mind into words and I had to read it several times again and again to make sure I wasn't wrong about it...
You see, there are many things that can and will affect me in some way or another, things that stay inside of me; and then I will think about them, dream about them, I dunno...
There are, however, certain things I find more value in than a night I spent thinking all through or a memory that brought me to tears. It's the things I like to base my life upon. My deepest belief, my love, my vanity and vulnerability. "The bottom of man's existance", as you so perfectly put it. well, all the while when reading The Bitter Wine Memento; nothing seemed all too far away anymore. I'm not sure if that makes sense or if you will believe that, but while I was cought up in the words I felt just a little bit closer, to whatever. I don't know what to name it and I'm not gonna go all religious and spiritual on you since it would be very unfit.. Maybe it is that "it" that you've mentioned before. At this point, let me tell you, that you telling me all these things, about being absolute, about this life within you that you'll never live... and then this; you being just you to me (for me)... Do notice that this is one of the very best things I've heared in my entire life..
To continue my rambling from before; maybe it is the same for me as it is for you. Maybe your words draw me that much closer to myself. Maybe this is what I've been wanting all along. Maybe I'm not that far. And maybe this is the best thing ever.

I just hope I'm not going to think about all this later in my life and laugh about how stupid I was and what nonsensical crap my mind was made of. Because this is what I really believe in now, this is what I value now. I'm afraid of not having anything left if I ever decide to throw this to waste.
I probably shouldn't be worrying about that now, though.

Today, this may be the best thing ever.

I wish for you to be having a good day whenever you read this.
I'm saying goodnight for today.

xoxo Lucy and hopefully nothing else.

No way! No way can a comment of yours be too long; in fact I find it flattering that someone actually gives enough of a shit (sorry =P) to do more than drop an occasional agreeing- to- everything- line.

Your name. The way you created it for yourself kills me. The way you go all the way to make your thoughts to stories and those come alive is... I don't know. It's beyond passionate. It's art. I can't describe what I feel reading those lines of yours. So I won't go trying, as it would never do that justice.
Your name. I think you have really found it this time. It's everything I'll think of whenever my thoughts get lost travelling all the way to you. You're that mystery I'd want to get lost in all the time. A voice, something I cannot see nor catch in the palm of my hand, but very real and through all my confusion and disability to place a name, you're just there, and it fascinates me.
Reflexion of you, Echo of you. It's perfect.

As in the story itself, that of Echo and Narcissus with both their tragedies, it's that boy that has my heart, so young and inexperienced, impulsive in nature and wanted so far beyond his own good. His arrogance granted, he is far too high in his head for anyone to reach, especially an uncorporeal voice, cursed and doomed to always chase but never catch.
This thought through and over, I think it was inevitable for Narcissus to fall in love with himself, and himself only. He was never supposed to turn out any other way. It was fate, really.
But then at the end of the day it is his childlike naivety and untouched heart that gets me, shining through that youthfully careless vanity and the feeling of invincibility of his.
You see how in love with his tale I am. If you look at my profile you will find a picture, a painting made by the man named Salvador Dalí who would care to go and create a piece of art for said tale.
"The Metamorphosis Of Narcissus". Capturing and mind- occupying in itself.
But I'll stop talking about that now. It's off any point.

And I want to thank you again for your support and always meaningful words and for helping me get through a time of creative desertion. I cannot begin to tell you how much that means to me. And, thank you for believing in me. Cheesy- sounding or not. Who cares. This is us.

I would love to go on and respond to what you told me of yourself and everything else that is on my mind now, but unfortunately I'll really have to stop right here for I am physically not in the condition to sit and write all of what i want to at the moment. you see i get ill a lot recently, and right now i'm supposed to be in bed and rest to make my fever go away. i feel bad about it because tomorrow i may have forgotten the things i wanted to say to you... i can't help it though.
just know that i do not find you strange, or even sick(!), how could I. I am just utterly happy and flattered you told me all these things i never thought could be lying within a person. From years of looking at people I always wondered what I would find if I could make someone open up; not entirely (for I think that's not possible), but just so much that i wouldn't only see their outside anymore, the thing they make us believe them to be, but maybe a little more. I always hoped to find depth there, and now, after talking to you I'm more confident about the existence of that in every single one.

i'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. and i'm sorry i can't do a thing for you with this one. nothing i can say will make this easier for you. I don't want to try and give you advice or something and I think you understand why.
Whatever happens just happens and we deal. Always.

You have my thoughts; hesitant heart.

xoxo Lucy

hiya, whatever. You already know what my name is...so it's pointless to tell you what it is. How are you? I'm doing the whole Christmas-spirit thing. :/

hiya, whatever. You already know what my name is...so it's pointless to tell you what it is. How are you? I'm doing the whole Christmas-spirit thing. :/