Echo / Comments

Bahaha yes, evil Broccoli.
I am great. How about you?

Myrtle, Myrtle, Myrtle...

Alive at last.

I was never mad at you, so in fact I'm not going to forgive you. You see, when you didn't show up for some time, I really thought you were gone for good this time. I (yet again) thought up all these reasons as to why you wouldn't leave me another of those comments beloved and cherished by me. So many reasons, so many excuses. But the very moment your comment showed up on my screen I didn't really care anymore. It is none of my business and I don't have the right to ever hold it against you.
No, I'm not mad at you for actually having a life, how could I ever be. You see, I think that begrudging to someone (their) life itself has to be the most evil thing to do.
All said, could we please move on to things we (as I assume) would rather spend our thoughts on... I really hate being apologized to when I don't find a reason therfor.

Yes, your name on my profile; I thought it was really damn necessary to appear there since I couldn't ever find anyone else to talk about things such as "the tree drug" with. Your stuff is art, and i wanted that said.
I really wish I could help you to a name that fits you like you did me.

The thing about bringing myself to life. I feel like I do have the longing to do things, greater things, however quixotic (adore that word) that may sound, but it's like whatever I do, I get stuck somewhere in the middle. And I think you are right, that I need to free my mind, myself of anything because I realized that it is exactly what I want, once I thought about it. I will be able to start over new. And I'm promising this to myself. I'm making myself. Thank you.

Enough of this, though. I feel like I'm getting repetitive and it won't get me or you, or anyone else out there anywhere.
And can I ask you something; are you a person others come to cry to, telling you their stories and you keep listening until they feel like they're going to be able to get through on their own? I would really love to know if you care to tell me, because you see, I'm that person in what others call reality. But when talking to you, I'm exactly the opposite, and I admit it bothers me a little. I'm interested in you, but with every bit of me I tell you I'm getting more and more confused about who YOU are. And I don't want that. I said it's easier to talk to you since I don't have to face you; it's true, but I still keep wanting to know everything of you that you're going to give me. Because you're not my shrink or something. I don't want you to be. You say it's brave of me to open up to mine, well I wish I was just that brave.
So now I'm offering you to tell me about yourself. You can accept, you can refuse, but this won't be any different. I promise, though I know I really can't; noone can.

... Me wondering about what someone is doing at any moment; it's just my wish to understand people (in general and specific). I find them fascinating, untouchable, loveable, despiseable, exhausting, predictable, strange; plain contradictory and confusing. It's something I hate and love at the same time.

And I'm so going to read your story. I'm really really really dying to see what it looks, nope, [b]feels[/b] like when you've got everything expressed that you wanted there to be.

In my life, right now, everything is going Fullstop. Not too wrong, not too right - I live in dreamworlds and it's okay for the time being.

By the way; how is life treating you at the moment? Anything new that's worth telling? Do you like spinach? Have I asked you that already?
I'd love to hear you talk for real; it would be so strange and different from the way you write I'm sure... These random thoughts again...

Now I can't think of anything more I wouldn't write another page about, so I'll stop here. I'm happy you're not gone. I love your piece of mind. Always take your time.

And uhh... stay healthy? (<--Eat lots of veggies^^) Then at least one of us will be.

xoxo Lucy in bed with a cold (diamonds safely hidden under a cushion).


p.s.: that video in your profile kicks ass. i can't stop playing it over and over again.

I'm kind of feeling lonely at the moment... missing people to talk to. So if you get this could you like, write back a short reply or something?? really, just a few words would be enough, you don't know how a word of you can make my day... I'm sorry I'm being pathetic... anyway. So. Me again. I dunno what to write, I just wanted to say hello again because I felt the urge to. Don't ask me why, i just randomly decided that it was necessary and it wouldn't let go of me, so here goes: HELLO.

I had to write an informal letter as an English homework, inviting someone to stay with me in Vienna for a week or so, and guess what; I wrote to Myrtle. Okay, so i didn't give you the chance to guess =P
Hmm. I wonder what you're doing right now I wish I knew somehow

p.S.: yes, i too like my new name and you were part of me finding it. I owe you that one among other things i will not mention now. You recently seem to be changing you name more often, though...

xo

Myrtle, I am so very sorry I couldn't find the time to write you back sooner. I'ver been very busy lately, school is taking its toll on me -__- plus the thing i was talking about, being totally uninspired and whatnot. i can't seem to find anything to motivate myself, not even to write you another crazy- long comment full of fluff... you see, i can't even think of anything to write. i'm sorry. i'm just dead at the moment.

as for the thing about being able to open up easier, yes, it is true, and sometimes i am glad that you are just a mibba profile on the internet (as mean as this sounds), just the wonderful poems/stories/comments that you write and not someone i have to face every day... it's nice not having to justify yourself for everything and not be judged for every single move you make and just be happy thinking you have told somebody about Anton Bruckner (or not) because you felt like it. it's nice to share thoughts every once n a while with somebody that is like an imagination, but still very real.

and i'm sorry, i do not remember anything else you wrote me, because i am stupid and... because i am stupid. i hope you forgive me my recent laziness and uhh... i'm trying to cure myself because it is like a disease, really.... wish me luck -_-

xoxo Lucy in therapy with a diamond in the pocket.


Patchwork loneliness pulled a prank on you
To remind me that you're a seasonal failure
To put you to sleep for the rest of the day
Thoughts drifting down and away...
Down and away...

.... I am quoting you....

"[b]It feels like why should I speak, when no one cares about what I want to say? By all my friends I'm consiered a clown, the comic relief.[/b] It makes me so frustrated. No one, not a single soul, has ever cared about my honest opinion. [b]Well, none but one. [/b] [...] [b]I have never been able to share my real ideas, my true words, though.[/b] She was so easily frightened, didn't dare to tell her what my dreams were. [b]I couldn't even say how I felt about her.[/b]"

...There is someone like that in my life. We're friends, real good friends, we're very close, too. Just... we're not. I used to think we were; like I could tell her anything. I was on the verge of spilling everything to her, actually. But just then, something happened -that I'm not going into detail about- and I realized that I really couldn't. It's funny though because it seems she can. She tells me everything, her secrets, her dreams, her dark sides (wow dramatic) and I listen to her and I try to support her in everything. It's just.. I can't do the same. When we talk (talk, not just goofing around), she is always telling me something and I am listening, but never the other way around. Sometimes I think I should say just anything but then I get the feeling it would make her think differently about me or scare her away or she will not even be interested. When she sees what I'm really about. ...
We're close, probably closer than I've ever been with anyone else, but at times that friendship feels a little one- sided. Then I feel used, like I'm some therapist people can spill their feelings onto, but don't have to listen to their story as well. And then I feel guilty for not trusting her enough (that's what I tell myself, anyway) while she confides in me. I like to blame myself a lot.
Best friends, and I feel like I will never be able to trust someone enough to just open my mouth and start talking.


Writing used to be my way of self- expression, too. I'd write all the things that came to my mind, and then I'd sing the words. Also drawing. No one would bother to understand it, and it was fine. It was my own little world for a while, but now it seems to have faded. Recently I feel nothing but numb, I can't be bothered with anything, my creative sources... well, have been cut down. I don't feel inspired at all. It's like I'm some empty shell, nice on the outside, but there's nothing underneath. It's probably just like some writer's block and it will go away, but right now it's killing me. I can't seem to finish anything, motivation is gone and I may be exaggerating but i am that close to giving up and always just going to sleep. Nothing is significant (enough).

... It's a puberty phase, yes it is. Most probably. And I feel so stupid for all this. I wish it would go away. And now i'm acting like you are the therapist. I'm sorry. Gah...


xoxo your melancholic Lucy. The sky has gone dark and the diamonds have faded, but the memory will always remain.

No... NOOO!!! I don't believe it!! I just basically wrote a whole passion- filled biography of Anton Bruckner (an Austrian composer and organ player i just recently got into) and then ranted on about the thing with crying to songs and and singing and the strange thing with all those names that got you to write back again and music in general and i-don't-know-what-else there was on my mind, I really got into it and then... Bam!! the second i sent it it got deleted because it was a REALLY long comment i was writing, and while i was at it mibba had automatically logged me off. I'm just really upset right now, because i spent my time on this and i was really passionate about my rambling, so excited and the words were just flowing easily and... I'll never get them back, those words, no matter how hard i try, and i'm not going to. I'm too upset. It would never be the same if i just started all over new. Because to answer to your comments, you have to be in the right mood, you have to feel what you're saying and you can't just write in on the side, for kicks or something. That would be so unfit and it would be sending your wonderful words to waste. I'm not going to do that. I'd rather not comment you at all than write something i didn't mean at that time. I'm sorry, but i don't think i'll be able to answer to all the thing you were talking about in your last comments, at least nor now. we'll have to find something else, and yes, i know i'm a bit of a drama queen, but i can't help it; i just can't stand wasting my time for nothing. It always makes me real mad and... oh well. forgive me my stupidity, please, will you, for not being able to properly comment back, and for letting this happen i the first place. it doesn't mean that your words don't mean enough for me to make the effort. i hope you understand.

xoxo Your dearest of Lucys (yes, you're my very own Myrtle, and i hope for it to stay this way). *Lucy in the sky with diamonds....*

umm... so... Myrtle... It seems like you haven't been on here in forever, and I'm starting to wonder what's the reason?? I mean... I miss talking to you and getting your ass- long comments and... basically I miss talking to someone like you.
So, what's going on?? I hate not knowing because it makes the list of reasons why you're not coming on range from "computer is broken down" to "you were killed in a car accident" and it's making me go nuts. I really hope that this is not it and you're still pretty much alive and... well If you're dead; I'll miss you forever as one of the very few persons to talk to me on here and in general. I'll miss your poems and your way of playing with words, and your thoughts you shared with me.

i realize I'm taking this way too far, especially if you're not even dead, but that's the way my mind works. I often think about what it would be like if someone close to me or someone I don't even know died. I wonder what a person I just briefly had sitting next to me on a bus is doing sometimes, and what they are thinking.

So, in hopes that you're not dead and nothing else terrible has happened to you, and also that you come online to talk to me again,

xoxo Lucy

D: I haven't been here in forever:(
But yes, slap ass Friday... every Friday.
So I'm pretty much screwed :|
:D

It's no biggy!
Half of the world can't sing!
Including me! XD

haha! yeah I was scared to do at first but after a while it's really fun! Because we all suck at singing!

i'm glad i found you, too ^^

classical music, yeah, umm. I always feel weird when for example i'm in a music lesson and we're listening to some classical stuff and i'm the only one actually anjoying it while everyone else doesn't pay attention or yells obscenities about it but oh well. i still like it; it manages to take my head somewhere else to let me feel whatever it has about it to feel and I wouldn't waste a single second of my time thinking about how it's so "uncool"!!

Tchaikovsky, I don't know real much of him, though I've seen a performance of "Swan Lake", but i was really young so I don't remember much of it... =P
I really enjoy Beethoven though and some stuff of a few not so widely- known composers such as Edvard Grieg or Franz Schubert.

I believe i've stalked you enough for today. ^^
let's leave it at this before i'll come up with another thing i could ramble on about for an hour.

<3

Oh my god, your poem!! How could I forget about that??! For it was the thing that had me crying and smiling at the same time for hours. I can't believe how it affected me, and how beautiful and perfect it turned out. Perfect to me, as i say "perfect" is art that i can feel, for art dosen't technically need to be perfect as nothing in this world is, but that's just what makes it. "perfect" to me is art that feels alive. and this, your poem, feels alive to me. I don't know what others will think; people that don't know the conversations you and me had, but I don't really care etiher. people need to interprete art their own way, for example i wouldnt like to be told what exactly a certain song means, it would kill all its magic. wow sorry. i digress way to easily. i meant to be rambling about the poem. so here it goes...
i am truly fascinated how you managed to put your and my thoughts together to combine them to something that flows so easily; it feels like you really understood what i was saying to you so our minds didn't clash or anything.
it turned out so beautiful, really, and it already has a special place on my bedside table in a frame. i hope that's not too creepy or doesn't sound like i'm sucking up to you; i really felt the need to put it somewhere special where it would make me smile when i need it, thinking that someone made the effort to consider my thoughts for a while.
I feel honored I could give you inspiration to create this piece of poetry and somehow i feel like you gave me a present or something. I feel like you gave it to me, and it's mine now and I'll keep it for as long as i don't turn completely dumb and ignorant.
i feel so happy right now. i feel like some lucky fuck.

thanks for giving me this.

also, i love the way you can just be talking about something and then out of nowhere going on to ramble about Napoléon!! it actually shows that you really think about things and get into them, instead of just passing thought up like some toy you can't need.
plus, I can see you're not like any kid out there, you're interested in different things and are not afraid to get shit for it! (virginia woolf was and through her death still is a brilliant and never out-of-time writer; i got "A Room Of One's Own" a bit ago and it kept me fascinated all night long ^^)

peace, i forgot what i actually wanted to write. damn. that makes at least another 2 comments for you o.O

and, the hurting-yourself-matter... well, i don't know how you see it, but when I look at kids cutting their wrists or hurting themselves in any other way because they think it makes them "trendy", it just makes me feel even worse about people who actually have serious problems and just don't seem to find another way to release their feelings. hurting yourself or suicide is never a real solution, but sometimes people can't realize it so you gotta try to prove them wrong and show them other ways to deal with things.
i also know how you feel powerless about not being able to have done anything to prevent someone from committing suicide, but at the end of the day, it's people's own desicion whether they want to keep on living (even if just for their families' sake) or they give up. as sad as it is, but after all it's just up to them, even though it's a selfish thing to do.
as for the "trend- self harmers", i guess we're left to hope that eventually they will grow up and realize how stupid what they're doing is, or give them some serious talk before they accidentally kill themselves. (actually, how fucked up is that? who would want to risk their life like that? who would want to die such a pathetic death; by say,acidentally slashing to deep out of pure stupidity? world's some fucked up place.) I'm never going to get it.

woah, oh my god, i'm sorry. I just noticed you wrote me these two ass- long comments and one of them almost a week ago or so!! Recently I'm having troubles with my computer, weird viruses telling me I should do something about stuff from sex- sites I supposedly visited downloading itself on my comp. -__-

since your comment(s) is/are REALLY long and my poor brain can't remember it all to answer to every point, i'll make a few shorter ones (though that may look even more stalker-ish).

anyway, i see you wrote you got accepted for the student exchange- trip!! sorry i'm late, but CONGRATULATIONS ^^ anyway. i think it's really cool you're doing this. I'd be too much of a coward, i think. which leads me to ask, are you not completely totally absolutely anxious about this?? I know for sure i'd faint out of nervousness or something. i guess there's braver people than me =P
nevertheless i think it's going to be a great experience for you and i hope everything will turn out good when you're actually there.

uhh... that's about it for now.
be prepared for at least another 3 comments! =)

Actually I suck at instruments. I tried to learn to play guitar, but that didn't go so well.
And I also like to go out with friends and do karoake and get on this computer

Yay me! and Yay you! Woooot. :)

Yay! I inspired someone! :D

Hahaha, I wanna try that >.<
This 6th grader keeps slapping my butt, and it's so annoying >:((((((
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