Epicnesslessness. I don't even know if that's a word but I'm using it anyway. It's to describe how I'm feeling about the preorder of Panic!'s new CD. It shall be mine!!!!I have the biggest "writer's block" ever. I just randomly one day lost all inspiration to write and now it seems like homework. I have never had this happen.I don't really have much to write about. In my personal life only two...

Wow. I haven't written a journal in a while.First problem, my dad died and I've been taking it hard. Please don't say 'I'm Sorry' though. I'm fucking tired of hearing that.Second thing, I may or may not have told you about the controls my parents put on my computer so I couldn't get on past 9PM (I know it's fucking stupid) but I found a loop-hole; My step-dads olds laptop that they shamelessly...

So if you red my last journal, I clearly did not kill myself....yet.So my friends asked Jake what his problem was and apparently I tried to kill him.One day last year me, him and Kaydehn (my friend who's super-duper!) were walking home and I was joking that I was going to push him in front a moving car because he was really pissing me off. I never touched him. And now he's saying I pushed him in...

So I'm in a very suicidal mood. More than I usually am.Today at the end of band, my friend Sam came up to me and was holding the book Thirteen Reasons Why and he pointed to the picture of the girl on the front and said "Jake says he wishes you were her."For those of you who don't know, Thirteen Reasons Why is about a girl who kills herself and leaves messages for people who caused it. And yes the...

I need to rant.Today at school I was talking to my friend Chelsea and her friend's name came up once and it was about me doubting that she had the most Facebook friends.So later when I'm alone her friend Peyton comes up with her friends, and not 3 friends but about 20, and says she'll kick my ass if I keep talking shit about her. So I think I'm going to ask my step-dad to evict her family from...

Do you know how bad emotional abuse gets once the person starts wishing for physical abuse just for some solid proof to get away from it all? Do you know how bad it gets that just about every time they're around their "family" they think about suicide? Thinking out every detail of their dying? That's how bad it is for me and I'm only 13.I'm so sick of all my "family's" abuse and I just want it to...

So I was thinking about doing a weekly journal called "The Facts Of Life" to tell all my worst moments that week and all the best moments of that week. And if anyone messages me their worst/best moments too. Thoughts?And for flirting, I guess you could say I was flirting with my ex. Not Tyler but Andrew. My most recent ex. And I only have 2 ex'es so yeah. But we were flirting and I don't think I...

So it's 3am and I felt the need to write something in my "journal".I'm like delirious so sorry if what I say doesn't make sense.You guys know when you don't drink but you feel drunk? Yeah it's pretty cool. I love it when I have it.And is it bad that sometimes I get super dizzy for no reason? I'll just be standing still and then it'll hit me like a baseball bat. Or I'll be eating. Or running. Or...

So wow. I have fucking big boobs. Like I don't want to be one of those people who is like, "And OMG my boobs grew like, half a half of a half of a inch." But I'm 13. Not fat but not anorexic skinny. And I'm a 36D. I have bigger boobs than my sister who's 24. I feel so fucking self-conscious.Anyways, my life is a fucking mixture of feelings right now. I don't want to be mean to bi-polar people but...

"Oh Doctor, Doctor, I must have gotten this sick somehow.I'm going to ask you a series of questions,And I want them answered on the spot, right now.Is it serious?I'm afraid it is.Am I gonna die?Well son, death is gonna catch up to all one day,But yours is coming quicker than ours, than ours" -The Phrase That Pays -The Academy Is...Well my 'sickness' has gotten worse and now I have to be monitored....

"The closest friends you'll have arethe ones you'd take a bullet for, butthey're the ones you constantly feelyou could put a bullet in as well." -Alexander William GaskarthYeah....that's so true. I am always craving to shoot my "friends" in the face. Yeah I don't have any real friends and the "friends" that I have are just....Ugh!My step-sister is here and now I want to have some one shoot me in...

I'm so stressed lately. I have to start running 2 miles a day, wake up a 7am, last throughout the day, wash cars, take care of little kids, have my family on my back all the time, practice tennis too.Sometimes I wish I could just end it for good...There's only so little I have to look for and I have 5 more years here too with more stress added on as I get older.Unless I get that scholarship to the...