Nobody truly understands what goes on inside a mind like mine. Sleep is a pleasure I no longer take part in enjoying. My body screams with pain during the night. Fears of death always upon me. When I do manage to sleep, I wake shortly after after to find myself in a pool of sweat and blood. People don't understand these things that go on inside my mind. Even as the doctors look at me, they won't...

FUCK, FUCK FUCK FUCK. Oh my God. Why wont she leave my fucking mind!!! I try drinking away her memories, why doesn't that work?? Probably because I have too many drunken memories of her to forget!! In my heart, she's not what I what I want, yet why must she haunt me?? I don't know anymore. I have what my heart wants. She's amazing and I love her, but why do her these memories haunt me?? Fuck this...

Pretty good day today. Talked with Alycia for most of it. It's great having her again. I'm glad she took me back. It just doesn't make any sense to me as to why the fuck Jess and her friends wont fuck off. I'm happy where I'm at and thats all that matters to me. I'm not going to let her shit bug me now. She's trying to pull some shit about being pregnant now. I can strongly say that, no she...

February 14 2010 2:41 amI told Alycia that I was hers whenever she wanted me back. The last message that I got from her was "I want you". Suddenly I have the strength to go on. I know I can take on whatever curse has been placed upon me. I have her. <3 Happy Valentines Day!!February 14 2010 11:44 amHuh, actually slept tonight. Body is feeling much better now and it's probably to do with the...

Well I finally told Jess how I felt about her. I told her it ain't gonna work because there was sex without meaning. There was no longer any connection I felt for her. She called me a lier, a bastard, told me I used her. What else is new, like I haven't heard those sort of words before. It doesn't even matter to me anymore. I know what I am and I wont let the angry words of some girl slow me down....

Wow, what a fucked up night that was. Spent the whole night coughing up blood. Didn't sleep much either but who could fall asleep when in the back of your mind all you think about is drowning in your own blood. Then when I do finally wake up, I have a bunch of text messages from Jess. I don't even know what to call this girl. I mean I hardly even love her anymore. She's just like that girl that...

Tonight, I start the chapters of this fucked up life of mine. Thought, why not try to record whats going on in my day to day life. Who knows, maybe someone will find enjoyment out of reading it. So wow, what a fucked up night tonight has turned out to be. The moment things are all starting to look up, it all crashes like crystal on the floor. I'm still taking my hand full of pills everyday that...