I miss my friend Kelly. For some reason, I miss her incredibly at this moment. She died last week, Thursday morning, and it hasn't hit me until now. Well, it hit me a while ago, but still. Right now I'd be on the way home from her house or something, cause my mom and I would go over and take them dinner. But she's gone.I saw her body on Sunday. I denied it was Kelly. It didn't look like her. She...

So I've been really, really tired and had like fifty billion dizzy spells this weekend. Yeah, I know it's not the weekend but we didn't have school yesterday or today. But anyway, my mom wants me to go back to the doctor. They did the wrong tests last time anyway, so...So today was my three month aniversary with my boyfriend. Of course, he couldn't do anything. I invited him to come to church. Of...

Crazy ass week. I didn't think I got my journals back already but I guess I did.Okay so I've said a few things about my friend Kelly in the past. Well, she passed away Thursday morning around 12:15am. It's really sad. I was gonna go see her Wednsday night but I had to study for exams. I'm still pissed. This is not fun at all. I miss Kelly terribly. I never pursued a real relationship with her. In...

Now I'm even more excited for this party tonight. I think it's hilarious how everyone there pretty much has someone else there they hate. It'll be a blast.I'm gonna bring my makeup and try to give my boyfriend a makeover. He already flipped when I told him last night. I can't wait!So I'm gonna kiss him tonight. Finally. If not at the party, he's taking me home so I'll do it at me door. So...

So tonight we're throwing a surprise party for my friend Anissa. Today's her 15th birthday, and she's had a rough last couple of weeks. But yeah, so excited.My boyfriend's screwed. We're gonna try to give him a make over. And apparently they're gonna lock us in the bathroom. While he's peeing. O.OYeah, my friends are some crazy bitches. Haha.But I haven't seen John in a week, so I'm excited. He's...

So last night started off bad, ended good. I hadn't talked to my boyfriend, John, in a couple days. No clue why, but it killed me. I ended up breaking down and decided to try and call John, but it was like 10 and he's usually asleep by then. So he didn't answer and I left a message on his phone. I was crying, and it was embarassing. I hate crying when in contact with other people.Then, like two...

Love or infatuation?I have no fucking clue what infatuation means. And I'm too lazy to look it up. So I don't know.I haven't spoken to John in a few days. It feels like forever. And I get pissed or upset because of it. Isn't that fucking retarded? This is so stupid.I'm listening to Taking Back Sunday and Scary Kids Scaring Kids. They're some of his favorite bands. It makes me feel a little better,...

So Christmas wasn't all that bad. Actually, it was great. Last night my mom, brother and I went to see "Water Horse". It was cute. My mom and I pretty much bit each others heads off last night, but whatever.Haha, oh, and I forgot my name for a minute last night, too. I asked my mom if that'd ever happened to her. She just looked at me weird, then I yelled at her to drive, so...I never got to talk...

I'm not gonna be like "Ugh, worst Christmas ever!" because it wasn't.It was actually pretty decent and peaceful. Technology pisses me off, though. I got an iPod and it wouldn't work. Plus my mom was snoring right next to me and sounded like a cow. I was annoyed and frusterated like no other.But I bought some cool songs. I really suggest the band Kids in the Way. I love them.=]So it was actually...

It's a crazy word, that love. I think I'm in it. Stuck. And I'm glad.Last night, I went to the zoo with my boyfriend. They have a big light show every year, so it was really romantic. Both of us were nervous; we hadn't been on a date, just us, before. At first, it was just kinda two friends hanging out on a Friday night. Then, we were walking around, found a little secluded area, and sat down. He...

I really shouldn't be nervous, but I am. I'm excited too. My parents are finally letting me go on a date with my boyfriend groupless. All the others had to be with other people. But, yay, not this time.Apparently he's gonna kiss me tonight. Two months and no kiss, but he's the prude type. Never had a girlfriend. I think it's cute, his innocence and everything.But, we're going to the zoo. They have...

Craziness the past few days. Tomorrow's the last day of school until break's over. We had so many tests today. I had one in all my acedemic classes; geometry, science, english, perspectives. So, four. Probably doesn't sound like a lot, but it is. Plus I finished my spanish test. So, yeah, craziness.So it looks like my friend Kelly's gonna make it until Christmas. Only four days, and she wasn't...

I want to die! My mom and I don't get along. At all. Except, for a while, it wasn't bad. Then tonight, she goes fucking crazy. We were driving to church with my friend Nato and I was just making my phone click. But my mom goes, "you're being rude to your friend. Give me your phone!" I didn't do shit. It's not the fact that I got my phone taken away. It's the fact that I get in trouble for...

Sorry for this not-so-cheery journal. If you're gonna be a bitch about it, don't bother replying. I'm not in the mood right now.So today we were supposed to have our choir concert. But no. We live in Ohio. And Ohio weather sucks ass, and we have a level one snow emergency. I'm pissed. My boyfriend was gonna come, but now he can't 'cause he's busy tomorrow night.Speaking of my boyfriend, I'm a...

I don't feel good, and my boyfriend hasn't called me. I probably will at nine, like he always does. I don't even know if I wanna talk to him right now, though. I'm still upset about him thinking holding hands is too cliche. I really don't understand it. I don't know why, but I love holding his hand. I feel closer to him. Like we're connected, even if for a moment. I feel safe, protected.But you...

So I'm freezing my ass off right now. We're supposed to get a blizzard later tonight. I hope we don't. We worked for forever this morning for our choir concert tomorrow. If it gets postponed, I'll be pissed.Anyway, I went to a graduation party today. One of my mom's friends graduated medical school. I was with a bunch of tiny kids, 10 and under. There was one other freshman there, but he's pretty...

My friends were being mean tonight. I went to my little brother's strings concert and my friend Natasha and I were hanging out around the school.So in fifth grade, everybody made these tiles that were hung up around my school. So we spent about an hour looking for my boyfriends, and I went to a different school in the district, so I didn't know where to look. So eventually we found him, and I was...

Wow, I haven't journaled in so long, damn! I got banned for a reason that made no sense to me, but it obviously did to the mods and Dujo, so there's not much I can do about that. It seems like half, maybe more, of mibba was or is still banned. Hmm.But, anyway, a lot's happened since then. Way too much to remember. I seem to shut a lot of things out. It sucks, but whatever.But I have a boyfriend...

I've had a bad day...a bad week...a bad month. I don't know what wrong with me. I think this is depression. Like, the real stuff. Not the 8th grade teen angst. It scares me sometimes. Not that I'm suicidal, but what if this is it? What if I feel like this forever? I don't want attention this time. I don't want help. People always ask me whats wrong, but I refuse to tell them. Why? Because half the...

I think I might still love him.I know it's wrong.I know I might get hurt.But it's still love.My friends are going to kill me.They're going to be pissed,and I know that.But after all that's happened,what can happen?He's under watch now.It's just...ugh.I really want to cry,but I can't in front of my grandma.I feel like such an ass.I'm so weak.Why would I give into this emotion?Why can't I just bury...