Heeee

alrighty... erm... now that i've started to write, i'm not sure what to write. i'm just having a really positive brain fart after a really really really shit week. two weeks... month honestly.as few people know, i'm having a really shit time with andy, and i've finally decided to call an end to our months of pretending. it was the admission of "everything's not okay"and although this has only come...
November 15th, 2008 at 07:36pm

Dear Andy

Dear Andy,If you’ve ever believed you could take me seriously, take me seriously now. Because I have spent so long thinking of ways to communicate my thoughts with you that it’d hurt to know that you didn’t believe I was serious. Just because I’m younger than you, doesn’t mean I can’t know or feel the same things.Do you remember the first time I met you? I do. I remember it like it was...
November 13th, 2008 at 11:05pm

Relationships and Love

I’ve never understood love. I don’t get how it works. One moment, you think they’re just a friend, the next; you can’t stop thinking about them. I don’t understand it. What makes that sudden change?I don’t think I can say I’ve ever truly been in love. I’ve never been with someone I’d give up everything – even my life – for. And that’s what love is, isn’t it?There have...
September 12th, 2008 at 12:32pm

I think my heart just broke

My God, I feel absolutely 100% completely shit.To the point, that putting on the DVD of Romeo & Juliet is less 'romantic fun' and more 'cheer me up with at least you're not them'I was fine earlier today, when Kimberly was round.Now. Not so fine.In fact far from fine.I'm surprised I've stopped weeping long enough to get this far with this journal entry.And of course, when we get to the root of...
August 25th, 2008 at 11:56pm

Is It A Question Of Ego? Or Of Bravado?

I was accused yesterday of having an oversized ego...Which made me think about myself.And I've come to the conclusion that they must have been mistaken.I have very little ego, as I think very little of myself.But I know, through experience, that going around, thinking very little of yourself and making it clear for the world to see just puts you in a situation where everything people say to you...
April 10th, 2008 at 10:38am

I Want To Buy You A Flowershop

I want it to be next weekend please.Or even only Thursday.Just... please?-insert deep sigh here-I know that even though I'll have to work on Friday, my weekend will actually start on Thursday night, and I want it to come around as soon as possible.It's just... I'm missing Andy I guess. And I'm feeling lonely.I want to actually give him some of the letters I write some day. But I don't reckon I...
March 24th, 2008 at 12:56am

I Don't Want To Buy You A Flower

This entire journal is really just about one Mr. A G Hill.Oh God, where do I begin??I'm currently smiling my face off (ask Lucy, she'll confirm this) just because I got to speak to him on the phone >.< how sad am I??The way he makes me feel, is unlike anything I've ever felt before. It's mad, it's scary, it's probably worrying to some people, but when I'm talking to him, or with him, or...
March 22nd, 2008 at 02:06am

I'm So Sorry Ma'am But Your Printer, It's Out Of Ink

LULZ.Either I'm determined to kill this printer one day or I really am as mad about Coppers For Karma as I sound. I like to think it's a little bit of both.Am printing off tons of flyers for their next gig. Well, not tons. 24. On shiny photopaper. Killing the ink in the printer. I'll replace the ink cartridges I'm killing. I promise.But for now, this is fun. And then I'm gonna print another ton on...
February 23rd, 2008 at 03:19am

Too Much Is Not Enough

I'm Kim's rock.I'm Lucy's life-support.I'm Nick's walking journal.I'm the one to talk to.I'm the one that understands.I'm lost. Buried under self-help manuals and excuses as to why I'm not bettering myself. I'm forgotten. Jammed between the empty Vodka bottle and the ashtray of cigarette butts. I'm invisible. Hiding below the cling-film which desperately holds onto my curves the way I cling to...
January 26th, 2008 at 12:14am

I Don't Know How, But I Know Something's Starting Right Now

WOOOO TO THE LITTLE MERMAID REFERENCE!Dearest Mibbans,For once I'm writing to you while being completely on top of the world! Everything is absolutely wonderful (aside from the fact that I'm in love with a guy that I don't think feels the same, but we won't dwell!) and I'm completely and utterly unable to stop smiling!I have the bestest friend in the world, and by the looks of things, if...
January 7th, 2008 at 07:46am

Merry ***ing Christmas And To All A Good Night

Everything started out perfect this morning. Everyone was in a good mood, and we were all happy.By four o'clock, my dad was swearing constantly about everything and anything, my brother was talking about leaving even though he had only just arrived, my ma was getting on her was to pissed and I had a killer headache.By seven, my dad was snoring his head off, my brother had left, my ma was even...
December 26th, 2007 at 06:08am

Suzi vs Delilah

I think, and I'm really serious here, about becoming 'Delilah' permanently.She's a good person.She doesn't have the problems.She's Bi-Polar, but handles it well.She's beautiful, sensitive, polite and thinks the best rather than the worst.She has great friends.She has an amazing boyfriend.She is still me.This is seriously showing that the diagnosis of split personalities was correct. I do. I...
December 7th, 2007 at 05:57am

Binge, Cleanse, Binge, Cleanse. And so the circle goes...

Today was the worst day yet.I haven't kept anything down today.I felt so incredibly hideous all day that I spent most of the time with two fingers down my throat. Yay.I don't need to lose the weight, I know I don't. But I feel so, horrible and hideous and ugly and greedy and just generally disgusting after eating that I have to get rid of it.I spoke to Luci last night and she knows.The strange...
November 29th, 2007 at 09:07am

If only my body had a 'restore default settings' option...

I think I'm broken.I can't sleep, but I'm tired.I ache all the time.I have a permanent head ache.If only my body had a 'restore default settings' option.At the moment, I'm kinda shitty but alright all at the same time. I've made a few revelations, but I'm taking everything okay.Let's see.I'm now in an open relationship with Cloe. Woo yeah. About fucking time >.<I spent Saturday in Lucy's...
November 28th, 2007 at 05:06am

These Words Are My Own

I haven't posted in a while, but with everything that's been going on, recently life has been chaotic. So I'm allowed.Well, let's go back to the end of half term, which was over a week ago. It was a come down weekend after a good half term. I didn't do a lot. Just chilled, relaxed.Monday was an inset day, so I didn't do a hell of a lot, stayed in bed mostly. Curled up under the covers, and...
November 6th, 2007 at 07:04pm

Everything Is Average Nowadays

Currently on half term from the college place.Have been all week.Last Friday turned out to be a mega laugh, and although I was sick twice (once in the street and once at Andy's flat) the night ruled. Got completely wasted.Nothing much happened with Andy, and by the end of the weekend, it wasn't bothering me in the slightest.Why?Because yet again, when I swear that 'for my own good, I should relax...
October 27th, 2007 at 09:28am

The Fun Of Waiting...

At mine, on the floor, on the laptop, watching Shrek with Kim. It's fun.Have been up since four this morning,There was so much to do.And now, we play the waiting game, purely because Lucy is still in Uxbridge. When she gets here I'll get my gladrags on and we can all get ready to go. Yay.It's gonna be so much fun tonight.But I have to see Andy.The last time I tried I chickened out.I should be...
October 19th, 2007 at 10:33pm

I Don't Know Anymore

I hate being deluded.But yet, I always seem to get myself into that situation where I allowe myself to be.And everything I have a delusion about eventually falls apart.I think I might give up.All I really wanted was for the casual relationship I was in to go somewhere, but noooo. Of course it won't. That's me for you.At least I had Lucy around when I found out I was going no where, otherwise my...
October 10th, 2007 at 12:39am

Rawr From Beyond Normality

I think I'm slightly stoned.I went out and saw Coppers For Karma tonight - it was their party last saturday.I had loads of fun and took some mega pics.I went back to their's with them.I almost ended up with Andy again.Mother tells me I have to be home soon.Reluctantly (and slowly ;D) I get ready to go and get a cab home.When I get home, my parents are asleep.What a fucking liberty!I could have had...
September 28th, 2007 at 09:20am

It's Sorted Now

Well, another update from moi.I'm single again now!Yay?Yeah, me and the boyfriend are split. It was complex and difficult and I never had time for him, so it's over.I'm free.And I'm feeling goooooooooooood.Whoop.No more worries about the fact that I spent the night with someone who wasn't him!
September 25th, 2007 at 07:39am