I feel like ending my whole entire life. I just can't deal with this any more.All this wasted hope and useless emotions... it just makes me think why am I going on?I think my time is just near.Hopefully my heart just stops beating in my sleep or something. I'll probably do something.Fuck it all.---My mom just doesn't give a fuck about me. I never get to see my dad anymore, and he might die soon....

I have this horrible thing wrong with me and I have no idea what it is.You see, some people are SO afraid of dying. With me, that's not the case. It's almost opposite! I'm just so afraid of my mom dying, my dad dying or my sister dying. I'm even worried about my grandma, and some of my outer family.I get into these bursts of realizations and I'll say to myself "Oh god did I check on so-and-so...

I always find myself going to sleep at the oddest times of the night....or morning....WHATEVER!I usually go to sleep from 3:00am-6:00am.But it also depends...Ya see, the longest I've been awake before about about 32 hours. This was recent. It was pretty good, then I'd get sleepy around 16 hours, then sleepier at 24 hours, then deranged at 28 hours, then quietly odd (straigh tjacket odd) at my...