itwaspure / Comments

I can't choose a favorite!
It's like picking a favorite child! Lol

Exactly!!
Nice. It's ONE of MANY in my favorites collection lol

Right?! Haha
Who doesn't?!

Welcome ^^
haha my god, MORGAN if u are readin this, stop yelling at me XD

I love your profile! c:
I'm sorry Morgan forced you to add me!!

I love you, too :3

That's really, really scary and painful and awfully stupid on his part. People break vending machines (and doors) all the time at my school... And they come to class high... I've never seen someone drunk in class before, though.

Extra huggles for support.

Turns out my cat has to be quarantined for TEN DAYS. My parents are freaking out about the cost and I miss my kitty.

Hi can I rant? I need to rant. I MUST rant. I'm going insane again and I'm gonna rant.

(Go away, Corey.)

I should probably do this over PM... meh... lazy. And I don't like PMs and it annoys me to have to figure out what your latest name is and copy it EXACTLY into the little box and meh. Oh shit, I just stood up too quickly and borderline passed out. Fun. Go away, stupid vagal response.

Anyways. Last night I nearly had a heart attack because I was going to bed and my mom suddenly shouted at my brother to get in his room and then slammed both of our doors shut. I had thought that I heard by dad say 'murderer' so I was fucking panicking and I just kinda laid there and listened to my parents tromp back and forth across the house. My mom screamed a few times and then shouted 'Julius, NO, get away from it! Alyssa, come get your cat!' and I came back out to find my cat hunched over the freshly killed body of a little brown bat. It apparently flew down the remains of our filled-in, non-functional chimney and Julius managed to hunt it down and drag it under the dining room table. I believe that my dad is going to get the carcass tested for rabies today to make sure that JuJu didn't somehow contract it, since bats are known to carry rabies. It was a very interesting occurrence.

Anyways. Now on to the real stuff.

I still have jealousy issues. And depression issues. And it doesn't help that every time I see Corey, it's going down the same staircase and she either ignores me or clutches her stupid boyfriend and gives me a lips-pressed-together-look. It's kinda like 'Hi there... uh... okay... All I'm worth is that ugly look?!?' I wish she'd at least say hi or something. She used to more or less hunt me down and ask why I was mad at her if I didn't attack her or comment on her shirt or something. Now she won't talk to me in person and on the internet all she ever does is blab about her precious Paul and how hot he is and how perfect he is and how great he looks with his shirt off and I keep telling her 'FOR THE LOVE OF BANANA PANCAKES PLEASE STOP, THAT HURTS' and it's not working. And I'm really fucking jealous! My friends think she's doing it on purpose, but I don't know why she'd want me to be jealous. You'd think that seven months of fucking agony would be enough to get over someone who doesn't feel the same way, but apparently it's not. At this rate, I don't even want to date her (I think). It's more of a terrifying physical attraction that drives me totally bonkers. We saw a really scary musical a couple weeks ago that was all about sexual awakening and teenage-ness and confusion and when we got up to go to the bathroom during the intermission I couldn't even look at her because there was this evil darkness and it was flooding my brain and it wanted me to do horrible things to her or at least be as close to her as I possibly could but it's not like my stupid self-conscious ever gets its way! She spent the rest of intermission acting irritated and awkward, which changed later on because one character shot himself and there was a bang and a gun and the whole room smelled like gunpowder and she started BAWLING. And I didn't know what to do and I was so, so, so afraid because I'd never seen her cry that hard and so I kinda grabbed her arm and she actually held her hand out for me to hold and I think that being able to be there for her then fixed a part of me; I don't know why or how but it made me feel better. But now I'm so jealous and so angry and my stomach hurts all of the time and I'm really sick and kinda dizzy and so freaking sad and I don't know what to do, I don't even know what I want from her, I just feel like a big blobby lump of shit all over again and nothing can cheer me up except for Oliver practice. And even that is a moot point when she's there. Izzy says I cling to her twice as much as normal people; I figure that clinging is better than raping. And if she read this whole damn rant then I don't even know; it's not like she doesn't know this already. I wish I could like someone else or distract myself somehow, but the two people I really like are a) taken [albeit male] and b) senior, straight, and taken. Not options. And every time I see THEM I feel all gross because it's just more people who would turn me down even if I were brave enough to say something. At least they wouldn't lie to me for exactly 48 days and then dump me in the worst way imaginable, like my last two girlfriends did.

I did the math. I dated both for the exact same amount of time. Maybe Corey for a few more hours.

Oh yeah, I forgot, Abbie dumped me over text two weeks ago. She said that doing it to my face would make her feel guilty. Then later she texted me asking why I was mad at her, misinterpreted something I said, then insisted that I'm trying to blame everything that goes wrong with my life on her. Obviously not true, but being dumped like that kinda sucked ass. I had one good cry over it, though I was mostly crying about the fact that I couldn't just have one good Corey hug (which I got the next day. After that, she hasn't hugged me again. She's doing her little awkward-scared-face-routine). Then I realized that I never even loved Abbie and I only thought I did because I so desperately wanted someone to love me. And now I can't have that. It's like I'm not good enough for the entire world and I never will be and I'm especially not good enough for Corey. Sometimes she shows me pictures of random girls who she thinks are hot, and I don't know if she's expecting me to appreciate them, because I don't. Before, I thought that she didn't like me because she didn't like girls at all, and now I feel like I'm really not good enough. I'm not tall and tan and curvy and I don't have hazel eyes or brown hair and I'm NOTHING that she likes and I can't have her because she doesn't want me and never will. And it's not fair. If I were at least a little part of what she actually likes then maybe I'd be happy now, but I'm not.

Thank you for listening/understanding/putting up with my attention whore not good enough self.

Hey! *waves*

eeee thanks for readin! haha i know, FINALLY. so happy. oh crap i havent looked at ur shtuf recently, brb

Mhmm ^_^
I'm tired.
Look I spelled it right!

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH YOU JUST DON'T EVEN KNOW!
*dies*
haha indeed! :D

......true.
It's not you it's me by coconut records :3

Sweetie, it's 9:40 and you can't fall asleep if your talking. I'm sure you're not [i] that[/i] tired.
remember that song they played during elective presentations during announcements that everyone loved but we didn't know what it was called? I know what it's called :3

BUT IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT OVER TEXT OR PM! .-.
sorry caps lock

Haha call me dumbie I'll explain it :P
OHMYGOSH all I ever do anymore is sleep .-.

You totally forgot our joke about that didnt you? ._.

What!? That means aliens have attacked your eyes.
Kakdjwmjekduwmd OHMYGOD ALIENS!!!!
oh guess who stopped stalking our lives through [i] her[/i] account?(;

I DON'T KNOW!! xD
I'm hyper.

Ohmygod!!!
I couldn't find your comment link and I was like freaking out!!
MOTHER FUCKAHHH!
hey gurl heyyy :3