learningtobefree / Comments

Well. You're going to think me a coward - well, more like the biggest fattest COWard in existence - but I didn't do it. I just. I couldn't. I don't remember what happened that day all too clearly (I feel like a drunk really) but I remember having a casual little night conversation about my cousin . . for some reason.
Anyways, I realized what a BIG FAT CHICKEN I can be and was planning to grow a pair but a couple of days ago, I woke up to my mother talking to someone on the phone and I could've sworn (over my sleepy, drunken body) that I heard her say, "She's not leaving." in the meanest, loudest voice ever. I'm not sure if it was just what I was afraid to hear (and so heard) but I'm pretty sure my ears were clean then. So I've been kinda depressed for awhile. I'm trying to look up but there's nothing much to see, frankly.
Anyways, I plan to talk to her today (or tomorrow while I shop for a dress), just to get it over with. I don't know why I'm so afraid of the truth. I guess it's just been my long life dream to leave and if she says no, I'm just going to lose hope in everything. And I figured, if I let the time just go, I can blame it on myself instead. (Who needs a shrink when I know myself so well already. Just dandy.)

Sorry for that up there. You just come off as a good listener. (I'll be glad to shut up if you don't want to hear it. :) I do it every day after all.)

Well, how have you been? Better than me, I'm hoping.

Well, if I get the chance, I'll spare a few minutes haha.
Remember that talk I told you about? I'm planning to do it right now actually - when my mother gets off the phone. The kids are out and I bribed my sister into staying in her room until I'm done talking to mom. I thought there was a limit to how long someone could be on a mobile phone but apparently, there isn't. The kids are due home real soon and I really can't do it with their screams and everything. And I was planning on giving my school my papers to send tomorrow, so today's my only chance to ask my mum if I can go anywhere else.
She's done the call. Wish me luck!

I am following you xD
Wow. I never knew that xD

sometimes you have to leave to figure it all out... throw yourself into the river and swim kinda thing....

They are a little cute

Do you have a tumblr? Becuase either you do and I'm following you or you don't and I'm following your identical twin or some crazy shit like that xD

I don't have a clue how to approach the subject. Mind you, my mum's not so easy to communicate with. Or maybe she is, but not with me. :/
But I'll try. And thanks! I hope so too.
I've never been to a beach. I don't even think I want to. I'm not a beach person.

That's great! :D

It's all good! :D

thank you! I tried to make it realistic.... hopefully that came across. It'll be weird when it's over, but I'm sure there's something else coming.

Hey, I was [i]just[/i] thinking the same thing. :) I'm good! The applications are coming smoothly. I just need to talk to my mom about a) leaving the country and then b) living on campus. I think I'm going to do it this weekend. I need to confirm before paying the fee.
English is my second language so I think I need to do TOEFL or something. I was told I could write an exemption letter to the Ministry since it's pretty much my first language, in a sense.
How are you?
AND YESH. GAR BEAR IS THE MOST ADORABLE THING OUT THERE.

I know.. it'll be weird when it's over. sad, really. =(

Thank you! I really appreciate it! Seriously. I'm just glad people are even interested in it. The next update will be up soon cause I've already written it and it goes along with the last one. =)

BETH! We haven't talked in awhile! How are you? :D

Thanks. I'm good.
Still stressed but I've talked to my sister and she wants to help.
Should've did that sooner man! I didn't know she'd be...well, helpful.
No offense to her, but she has a way of rambling on about meaningless things and I didn't think we'd get anywhere. (It kinda took a couple of coughs from me to keep her focused.)
I can't wait until I'm 17. By the time I get there, either I'll get my way or not. :/

hahahah. glad you seem to like it lol. Hopefully I can keep it up =)

THANK YOU.
So I broke down yesterday. I was a blabbering mess. Well, okay. Lie.
I'm never a blabbering mess but I did get teary eyed and my nose was doing that stupid running thing and my voice got all whiny and begging-like.
I was nursing my tired foot (hosted a function at a school I was not a part of..) and then spent the night watching A Cinderella Story. (I blame Sam - Duff - for putting the whole "don't let the fear of striking out keeping you from playing the game" into my head. My dad comes home and asks why I'm not studying. Then he tells me to go check this exam thing's schedule and I go all, "I don't want to. It's not what I want. Go check it yourself."
Bad move.
We ended up talking which was weird. It was more, me yelling about my rights, him yelling about how it's his responsibilty and then I guess we settled down a bit. It might have to do with my tears though hmmm.
I kind of see his side of the story now. And I admit, I was kind of wrong. But I'm not wavering. I just need to be stronger and stay focus.
/rant
Sorry about that. I just didn't let it out since 9pm last night and well...I can't stop now. :/ I usually just cry it out but I didn't and that's not good.
How are you, B?

I don't care about friends. I mean, I [i]do[/i] but they won't hold me back. I wouldn't ask them to stay so I'd appreciate the same gesture.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE IT HERE EITHER.
And it sucks that my dad only talks about the college he wants me to go to hear and doesn't say anything about where I told him I wanted to go...

But enough about depressive stuff. I GOT STRAIGHT A*S IN MY REPORT CARD.

Yeah, everything depends on the ifs.
If only my dad could see how I don't wanna stay here. :sigh:
And thank you! :) There's just something about new layouts that make me happy.

Thanks for the comment! :D