Dear Patrick,It has been 8 years since you left this world. If I were to go back in time and tell myself what has happened and how much things have changed, I wouldn't have believed it. If I were to tell myself that I am married to a wonderful man who isn't you, I would probably flip out. I would believe, however, that the pain of losing you still hits me. Losing my little girls... It was so hard...

Well it seems my on and off relationship with Mibba is on again. Expect to start seeing new things from me in the coming weeks. I have been missing writing and I think I have the perfect opportunity in my life to get back into it again because of three big major changes!!!One:I have a new job. Less hours, more pay.Two:I am changing my major.Three:I'm starting a self-help program that starts with...

I used to be happy. I swear I did. Then I lost you and everything included. Then, I became a lost beacon, no one searching, no one finding me.Then, I caught a glimpse of happiness. It came in friendship then love. But now, I am that lost beacon again.I have no one.Don't try to blame it on me falling in love with Brian. Do not blame him on your abandonment. I never once said I only wanted him...

Here I am again, laying in bed, wearing your shirt and your jacket, that's how pathetic I am. Just so I can have a shred of your warmth around me. I feel so lonely. I used to have friends, I used to have time. I used to have you. I don't have anything. I just have a house full of angry tension, a time bomb. I have sore ankles, burns and cuts. And no one to talk to. When I see you I forget how hard...

I'm tired of laying around, thinking miserable thoughts. Thinking about my babies. I've lost two of you. Two babies. Does this ever get better? Will I always feel empty when I look in the mirror and you are not making my stomach grow? Will I always feel like I have no one. No one who understands, at least. Yes, both of your dads were upset about it, but with men, it's different. They are over it...

In sixth grade, a new girl came to my school. All the kids called her weird because she told everybody that she was gothic. I seen her and I wanted to be her friend. Then, we did become friends, best friends. We went through a lot together and I stayed the night at her house way more than I had ever stayed the night at slmeone's house before. We told eachother pretty much everything and I loved...

I've always had a love for the rain, no matter how cliche that is. Well, for the past week it has been so hot outside you could literally cook an egg on the street, they did it on the news (of course, it took all day). So, tonight after work, I was glad it was raining, because tomorrow it will finally cool off some. My man came and picked me up after I was done, because of my lack of gas money....

My man is going on a trip with church. It's summer now, as you know, and he's the only one I really want to be around. I'm going to miss him so completely. It's gonna be hard not to hear his voice for a week. See, you're probably saying, just call him. I can't. Phones get taken up. Which irritates the shit out of me.First off, he's eighteen years old. He should be allowed to have his freaking...

When I'm with you, I feel like things are exactly as they always have been. When I'm with you, I feel incredibly happy. But I can't help but to think, we are starting to drift apart. Remember when we talked for hours on the phone? Or when we just messaged each other about nothing...for hours? Do you remember that, or was I imagining it? Was I imagining the need to always be around each other and...

My boyfriend and I wrote letters to each other a month after we began dating. This was mine:The first time we ever hung out outside of school, I was worried. I did not want this little guy to develop a crush on me. I just wanted a friend, someone I could laugh with and hang out with. Someone who understood me and didn’t want the extra things attached to our relationship. Little did I know, then,...

My last journal was called "My pieces are coming together." Well...as always, they are falling apart. I love him so much, maybe it was best if I kept my fucking mouth shut? I should have just said no when he asked if I thought we should be together.In dating, I have two fears. One: My parents will hate him and I'll have to beg them to be nice at all times. Two: He wont love me as much as I love...

I have been completely shattered for the past couple of years of my life. When I say completely shattered I am not being overly dramatic, everything that could happen to someone has happened. Well, I wasn't ever kidnapped and I never died but everything else happened. Ask me if it happened to me and the answer would most likely be yes. I have lost everyone I ever cared about whether to death or...

He told me he loved me tonight and for once, I didn't freak out. I just said, "I love you too," and for once, I didn't think about breaking up with him, like I usually do. I felt it, I knew that he really feels how I feel about him. I have never been this sure in a guy in my whole life. Even with my first love, I didn't feel the way I feel now.God, I do love him. If he ever leaves, I swear I'd be...

He has been the anguish, happiness and sunshine in my life for the past couple of months. So many times, I was indecisive about our relationship. I thought he liked me but he always seemed more interested in a different person, the whole while I fell in love with him. I feel like a retarded fourteen year old, who feels their first vaginal tingle from the hug or kiss of a guy, then thinks they're...

So if anybody reading this has read my stories, journals or poems, you would know that I'm a bit off balance. Also, you would know that I have been obsessed with men who are killers/torturers/crazy lately. Why? Because through the Joker, (Comic version/animated series) I have become a freak. That's the truth.Well, back to what I was saying before I got all wrapped up in the Joker, mmm the Joker,...

I can not sleep. My eyes are burning but not with exhaustion, more like thrill. One more breath and maybe I'll be unconcious forever more. No, instead, I'm up to scared to end this all, just pacing the floors and straightening my hair. Why am I straightening my hair at 1:30 in the morning? Well, why shouldn't I?God, if you were real would you save me from this life I'm leading? You didn't save...

Ever since the death of my three-year boyfriend, Patrick, I've felt completely different. I have been completely changed and I have not been able to allow myself close to someone. Someone, being guys. I have even went as far as breaking up with every guy I have ever felt the least bit close to. Here, recently, it has happened again and I feel even sadder than I have felt in a couple years. Except,...

Recently, my friend said something about remembering something you had forgot all of a sudden. Like a memory or something. Then, it happened to me. I was outside, watering my mother's plants and I stepped on a large moth, one of those moths that are like the size of the palm of your hand and are decorated in brown and black lines. I didnt realize I was standing on the poor moth until I took a step...