It's a been a while since I've written anything on here, I guess it's been a while since I've felt I had to. I used to make myself numb with my addictions, drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes were always my release from the realities of my own mind, luckily I realised most of these were more detrimental than they were beneficial. I still smoke a pack a day and binge drink once a week, but I'm a student...

I hadn't seen her in a year, yet here she sat in silent, solemn beauty almost as if she was carved out of marble. She was with her cousin, a good friend of mine, both of them visibly upset. He was the sort of guy who'd sooner finish off a bottle of whiskey than openly admit his problems, and that was his wish, I gave him an understanding nod which he reciprocated and I ordered my own drink.I asked...

I am probably the happiest I've ever been right now, I'm in a relationship with a girl who possesses all of the qualities I've ever sought after. I think it's safe to say that I am in love with her. If you've read anything I've ever written this concept may seem strange to you and, although, it is one I'm not familiar with I couldn't be more content. However, there are a few little things eating...

It takes a certain sort of girl to induce love, lust and rage in the space of a minute. Unluckily, this is exactly the sort of girl I'm attracted to. A complex person with many different layers, many facades. Of course, this comes with many complications. Many of her problems and her past combine with my own history. I can relate to them much easier this way. The only complication with this is...

This was going to be a poem but my brain wouldn't concentrate so I shall proceed to vent.My hands are shaking as I stare into the dark abyss of my soul. A pain refracting from every essence of my being. My body aches for release in any way I can find it. A craving for my addictions and needs that just will not leave, underlying every action and emotion that processes throughout every moment of my...

I know you have feelings for me and that you have for some time now. The reason I asked to speak to you is because, as you know, I share the exact same feelings towards you.You aren't ready for a relationship and I'm glad for that. It's given me time to think and reflect about myself. About you. About.. us.The thing is, you need to let go of any feelings you still have towards me. I'm not asking...

I see them shaking, vibrating furiously. Those two figures of five. It's a sight that drains me of any happiness I possessed, almost snaps my heart in two.A room filled with mirrors, walls that show nothing but reflections. All of them oddly shaped, in some places covered with some form of coloured fluid.And through my eyes nothing looks quite as it should, tints of grey and black, like a camera...

The one escape I could always rely on. Hours of simply losing consciousness, there was never any need for other releases. The simple relief of a dreamless sleep. There's times I think that my mind spends up so much time and effort creating the imaginary visions haunting my waking existence that it simply cannot cope with the pressure of inventing abstract creations for my moments of...

You may think I'm making process, that I'm strong, that I don't let this get to me.Sadly, deep inside I know you're all wrong. I know that this may come as a shock, to you. Even to myself it does. The fact of the matter is there's no progress, only regression. I seem to be reverting straight back into the person I was when all this began. The scared, frightened little boy who needed his addictions...

These days all seem to blur into one another, just a mind full of random scatterings of memory from the weeks or months previous. The conversations I've had, the media I've watched, I've found it extremely difficult to remember the details of these without prompting from someone else. It's extremely infuriating, I'm getting excruciatingly frustrated from me trying to remember these details. It...

Curled up so tightly, almost a coil now. Shaking so rapidly, unable to perform any action. Barely even thought. Time seems to slow, all sight and sound runs so slowly now. My vision is blurred, I can barely see. For the needs, they consume me. This curse, this plague, this fucking insanity! I tell you now, I've had enough. The pain comes as a swift release, makes me feel real, feel human again....

I wander, around a system of tunnels. Dark. Only a flame to guide me. Once filled with water, these tunnels are now bare. Now the tunnel simply filled with fish all dead. Cause of death obvious. Scriptures scrolled across the walls, written in scratches and blood. Perhaps made by the previous inhabitants of the maze. Strangely enough, I seem able to navigate this system freely, no sense of...

This is effectively just going to be my latest poem. Only more in depth and not rhyming. Enjoy.Love. Most people across the world believe it to be one of the most important things in life, the media portrays it to be both the worst and best time in a persons life, which i suppose could be true. However if you ask people what they want in life, most will respond with "To find true love." or words...

Lets start with the prior shall we? The nickname I have been called for a while now. Haze. It was christened me by a series of simple coincidences. Sadly, the nickname is now strangely fitting. Haze.. "A tenuous cloud of something such as vapor or smoke in the air" Or as it is also described "A state of mental obscurity or confusion." Both so descriptive of me, a cloud of smoke- a thing that is...

My greatest fear you ask? Lack of control, I cannot stand not being in control. Whether it be physical or mental control over myself or someone else, I can't be dominated. Perhaps that's where I get the personality from. The confident, non-caring strong one. Simply to induce my dominance on others simply with the way I act. The truth is, I'm terrified. Terrified of losing control over my own...

Some party. One friend being carted off by his parents for being way too drunk. Another upsetting two girls at once, and me having to deal with their incessant whining afterwards. One girl crying on me for at least half an hour as i assured her that just because someone cuts, doesn't mean they'll kill themselves. Pushing away the whore that was pretty much trying to get into the pants of every guy...

"why a cross?" she asks."I dunno, there's no real reason behind it. I tend to do things spontaneously."Truth is, i don't know why a cross, but i do know everything i do has a reason behind it, whether I'm conscious of the reason or not.Maybe that i have finally started losing hope that all the words of reassurance are true, ("you'll be okay." "It'll pass" "You're in control" )So I may have...

I can read most like a book, i can tell when they're upset, when they're angry, when they're happy. You know, emotions. I can read you, but you seem to be in braile, i know exactly what you seem to feel, but what you tell me is something utterly different. I have my own theories of reasons why you wont tell me, and why you feel these emotions. Most are probably just paranoid webs constructed by my...

Today wasn't great. I pissed off a close friend by being a total cunt, as per usual. However she still thanked me for a good night. Ahh friends, all forgiving and understanding. Another thing i'm not proud of is the fact that i lost control in front of you both. Scaring her, maybe you. I know i scared myself.I always keep calm and controlled, simply so i can look after others and not drag them...

This heart is now black. As black as my smoke filled lungs. I had breathing problems when i was younger, as a baby i stopped breathing several times a night. As a child i had asthma and now, even though every now and again i'll lose my breath or my chest will clamp down and bear hug my lungs. I will still smoke, because it relieves stress, because it distracts me from my own war.Now addiction...