Trigger Warning

I miss cutting.I mean,I still do. But on my hips.I specifically miss how it feels to cut across my wrists. That was always my favorite. It feels different than on my hips or legs or shoulders.I can't because I have a job as a waitressI can't wear all the braceletsAnd my family would notice if I wore wristbands or long sleeves all the time.They're invasive like that.It's my body and it helps. It...
December 11th, 2014 at 07:52am

I Hate My Story.

Jason's Game. It's a cowrite and I absolutely can't stand it.Don't get me wrong, my co author, XxCherryCokexX is a great writer, and I certainly got enough praise for the story, I suppose it was good.But I was looking at it today, I thought I might edit some of my chapters asa bit of a project and elaborate certain points.But I couldn't handle it. It was just so emotionally exhausting to write...
December 11th, 2013 at 01:15am

I Want to Write About how Good I Feel, But....

I have to get there first.Because honestly, I don't.I don't know what's wrong with me.I have weeks I just want to curl up under my blanket and wait for the world to die.Or I think that the world would be better off if I offed myself. Because then my friends wouldn't have to deal with me.Maybe, you know?Then I'm on edge. All the time.And I'm pretty sure I burden my friends. I don't want them to...
December 8th, 2013 at 08:31pm

Well Guess What

On my way to expressing myself.Reasons; No idea. Because it's all bottled up and there's no one I can talk to. Well, there's no one I want to bother al the time. And my thoughts are getting worse and worse.Today, 3-11-13Thoughts;I wish I had a dad. Was looking through photo album. He loved me when I was a baby. WHy did he stop? What's wrong with me?Who abandons their child?Everyone.Everyone...
November 9th, 2013 at 07:19am

Halloween and Getting Over Flashbacks and and and Ugh....

So.... for Halloween I was Wednesday Addams.Yeah.So that was fun. Some friends and I ran down the street singing What Does The Fox Say...A drunk was all like 'You guys are FUCKIN AWESOME!'Lalala...Some of the people that keep track know that I have certain issues. With abuse and whatnot.Well I was in Lit. class the other day and I know it's stupid to still be freaked out but we had to write short...
November 1st, 2013 at 04:45am

There Is No Help

I know what that sounds like.Don't worry, Mibba good deed doers.I'm not planning to off myself. I promised my best friend I wouldn't.I'm just tired of everything.Of taking everyone's shit.Taking shit and ridiculous criticisms from my parents, my teachers, my classmates, my 'friends'.The kids at school just...I try and ignore them but then they get physical about it.I've been shoved and someone...
February 26th, 2013 at 02:58am

Life Decisions. What do you think? College or No College? Pepsi or Dr Pepper?

DR PEPPERRRRRYES I AM BACK.Hell fuckin yeah.Only to blog. Have I ever told any of you that my life fucking sucks to point of I could make a really hilarious comedy out of it. Or one of those depressing A Child Called It kind of books with the depressing book cover and tons of fan fictions that make you want to cry and really encourage you to be thankful for what you've got and appreciate your...
February 9th, 2013 at 04:53am

-Insert Stressed Out Title Here-

I just found out that this guy I've been friends with for over a year and a half is only talking to me because he wants to fuck me.I'm not really sure what more there is that I could say about that, but I want to vent about it. I already get totally screwed over by most guys.To their credit, I do have some REALLY awesome friends that are dudes and don't focus on trying to get in my pants.Sometimes...
January 4th, 2013 at 03:08am

Just venting. Don't want to bother my friends.

I can't handle this.At home it's awful. Tonight my mom was making dinner and I walked in and asked what it was (Pasta) so I asked if there was anything for me to put on it and she starts screaming at me about how we're broke and I should be grateful and what a terrible child I am. And I pretty much talk in monotone at home so when she told me to calm down and change my attitude I told her I was as...
October 30th, 2012 at 01:21am

I hate my scars.

Yeah.I used to cut. Pretty bad. Shoulder, legs, wrists..And I miss it. I haven't cut since August and I'm kind of proud and it kind of depresses me.I had some really complicated reasons for cutting, but they were reasons all the same.The downside is the fact that I never fail to leave a scar. You see pictures of scars that go all the way across the arm and stuff. But mine weren't so much long as...
October 17th, 2012 at 02:44am

Panic Attack In School. Again

Yeah this happened last year. Quite a few times. So it's only 3 weeks into this school year and already on my second panic attack.I am on FIRE.Hell yeah.I don't even know what happened...I took my friend's bag as a joke and he was all dragging me down the hall and then he started tickling me and this girl Taylor was singing something and people were talking all loud and then next thing I know I'm...
August 28th, 2012 at 02:41am

Invisible

I'm not. I have friends.People I talk to, joke around with, goof off with, all that.In school.But I don't really talk to very many people outside of school..I kind of suck as a friend. I have extremely severe social anxiety(schizotypal, selective mutism, all that.) Just like.. every branch of social anxiety you can have, I have most of them. It's really embarrassing trying to talk to someone and...
August 15th, 2012 at 05:29am

Does anyone want a layout?(not profile.)

I dislike this two hundred word per every single blog journal thing. And the no cursing. What is that about, right? It took some getting used to, I'll tell you that. I took it out on my story, Jason's Game. I wrote the Jason scenes, they get pretty graphic and I'm actually a little glad me and my co writer are done with that story because I mean I don't really especially like writing as though I...
July 29th, 2012 at 09:11pm

My Mom Thinks I'm Crazy.

But I suppose that that's nothing new. This time it's because I asked for $5 and she asked why I neeeded it. When I explained that I HAD to get on a bus in 103 degree fahrenheit weather to go to the nearest moto mart because I REALLY want a vanilla coke fountain soda thingy she sat me down to take my temperature. Then she gave me the five dollars. It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT out it felt like someone...
July 6th, 2012 at 12:32am

Happy 4th of July my people.... -_-

Mine was actually okay... I escaped going to my father's house this summer so for ONE summer if only one, I don't have to hear from people about how pale I am (Yes I know. I look like a vampire, thank you.) Or about my clothes (black, black, black, dog collar, bracelets, chain. Because you know. I'm hardcore like that. Yeahhhhhh.) Or about how I'm too skinny or jokes that I weigh too much. (Hey...
July 5th, 2012 at 09:12am

I'm Not There (Self pitying, be forewarned)

Most people really hate their families, I've noticed. I just wish I had one. Sure, they're there. But my aunt and cousin on my mom's side, I'm not allowed to talk to. On my dad's side, they won't talk to me. I'm only fourteen and I've basically been ostracized. For literally, no reason. Then on my stepdad's side, I have one cousin I'm allowed to talk to. She refuses to talk to me.Just because. I...
November 1st, 2011 at 12:50am

Dear Dad (My thoughts towards my dad. I'm torn between missing him and hating him...)

Dear Dad,You will never read this. I don't know if anyone will. But you should call. It's been since Christmas. I really miss hearing from you. It's okay you never went to my talent show or choir concerts. Maybe you can make it to a debate tournament sometime? I'd really like it. Can you bring Kenneth and Joe? I haven't seen them since Christmas either. I miss them. When can I meet...
October 30th, 2011 at 05:13am

I'm the kid that sits in the back of history class and calls it bullsh*t. Plus, does anyone know an easy way to find out your ancestry and all that??

Because, let's face it. The way they teach it, it is most definitely a load of sh*t. My teacher tells us: "No the Native Americans didn't HAVE to act or dress like us. They wanted to." I swear to God, she was serious. Well that just explains the Trail of Tears, now doesn't it? They were oh so OBVIOUSLY tears of JOY. And the ones that died, died HAPPILY. Not missing their homes or freedom at ALL....
October 30th, 2011 at 02:19am

>.< Ugh. Bad day. Bad week... About to cry...

OKAY SO. I live on the south side of a a pretty dangerous city that's full of very ghetto people. That 90% of them are bigger than me. I'm the weird, shy, scrawny white girl. I'm always have on headphones and all that... But today in first hour, someone TOOK my sketchbook without asking and was passing it around having people look at a drawing that was 'tight' and then one person turned the page...
October 27th, 2011 at 03:00am

Stupid, Stupid Dream... Well. Nightmare...

THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW TO UNDERSTAND MY DREAM:Okay, SO last night, my mom yelled at me. The usual drill "GO TO YOUR ROOM, I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT YOU I'M GOING T SEND YOU AWAY. TO BOOT CAMP. ANYWHERE TO GET RID OF YOU" She says the same thing every time she gets tired of me. That I'm ugly, I'm stupid, she's going to send me away. And I'll admit, it still hurts. Even though I should be used to it...
October 23rd, 2011 at 09:56pm