It's been so long since I've been on here. Dang.I hate going back through these other Journal, or blog, entries. They're so depressing... Looking back on how I used to be, and then realizing how far I've come just shocks me. It kind of scars me. Because when I think about it, I've been through a lot. And it's that much worse since I'm a teenager. I don't care who disagrees but all teens feel every...

So, I decided to write about Marcus some. You know, the one guy I fell in love with. The one guy that I left. My biggest regret deals with him. I could honestly see spending the rest of my life with him. He was everything I had every wanted. He IS what I want. What I need. I know I'm only 15, I'm young. But you know.. whenever you have this feeling inside, that you can't explain with words, when...

Im getting sick and f*cking tired of waking up at 12 in the f*cking afternoon and seeing you still up on the computer watching some bullsh*t because you've been drinking all night. I dont give a f*ck about what youre positive. From positive to negative sh*t. Even if its about some stupid as* Notebook sh*t or Annelise exorcism sh*t. I dont give a flying F*CK. Im f*cking sick and tired of it....

Lay me down, and tell me everything will be alright.<3I'm dying to meet you. The thought of having your arms around me brings tears. Tears of happiness of course. Just to see you in the flesh, nothing fake about you. From the ink imprinted on your body to your band tees you wear... amazing.How do I put this? This.... love? No... couldn't be love. Haven't met you yet.. in person that is. In my...

You confuse me.One night we will be all sweet, wishing we were together, but complaining of distance. But then you're going to date a girl from a whole different state? There is only 2 hours between us.. Why do you put me through this? You KNOW how I feel about you.. I am completely honest with you.. and you keep so many things from me.. especially new girls... I'm scared they're going to take my...

Who is she?No one.What is she? Nothing.She should seriously die already. No one cares about her. She's a worthless, good for nothing, hideous, gross, big mouthed, STD infested slut. No one likes her, much less loves. All she does is cry, whine, bitch, and cut herself until her whole arm is numb like the little emo freak that she is. I hate her, so much. I've never hated anyone with this much...

Do you really want to know what hurts?What ruined my night, and makes me want to pick up that razor again?What makes my cry even thinking about it?When one of your "best friends" goes behind your back and tells a secret you told them to some chick that hates you. When you had a friend, that was always there. That never gave up on you, stood up for you, and then BAM. She's just like everyone else....

I'm to the point in life where I'm just done.Pills, cutting, crying just doesn't help anymore.Life is nothing but a big area for us to sit in, try to make something good ourselves which will probably never happen for the most of us. Face it, we all suck in someway.We all have faults that we hate.You look in the mirror in the morning and notice something that you absolutely hate about yourself. You...

So this is my FIRST year of high school! Yay me!But is it bad that on the third day I bought pills?I have no idea what they were.Every time I take them I feel horrible. Absolutely horrible. Afterwards that is.When I take them... I feel amazing. Actually... I don't feel anything. I go numb.No pain. No remorse. No happiness. I'm just... numb.Don't ask me why I take them. I don't know that...