Blank Slate

This is the most peaceful I have felt in ages.. I feel as if I am floating into the heavens. My breaths are even, my mind is clear. I know what it is I want. My goals are within my reach. I have the love of my life by me in spirit and I do not question anything at all. This sense of peace is rare. I am almost scared I will fracture such a fragile thing. I am determined not to. I am determined to...
October 14th, 2010 at 07:48am

-insert title here-

Abuela,I can't even begin to think what I want to say to you. I'm too cowardly to say this to your face, but I hope my love is enough. It's just too much for me right now. I can't speak. Can't form the words, barely a coherent sentence in that room. It still hasn't hit me-- that you're fading. Essence is definitely leaving your body, but it has not escaped from the lifetime of memories you have...
August 22nd, 2010 at 02:04pm

Dreams

I only have had two ever since I was a child. Two aspirations; and they couldn't be more different. One is attainable while the other seems a bit far-fetched in others' eyes. Ever since I was six years old, I have always been fascinated by the past. I took an interest in dinosaurs. That soon evolved to archeological interests as well. I have always been a nerd at heart. I am currently a history...
August 9th, 2010 at 06:01am

Once again.

You know when that stupid thing comes to haunt you? You know what I mean. I'm talking about the past. Well, it's up to it again. Haunting me. Making me look back on choices I've made and making me think twice. About absolutely everything. I look at myself now and then compare to who I was three or even five years ago. Not much has changed. I don't understand why. I've tried to change; for the...
July 21st, 2010 at 04:23pm

Sleep is fleeting...

I keep dreaming about you. I couldn't even stay asleep for one hour. I really need this to stop. I know you're gone. I have no idea why my subconscious seems to keep slapping me in the face with it. I keep having that one dream. You know the one. The one I had a week before you died. That one. The one dream that scares the shit outta me above all others because I know dreams like that have...
June 18th, 2010 at 10:38am

Dear Self,

You must believe there is a purpose for everything going astray. Believe in yourself. There is no need for a higher power. You will get out of here and when you do it will be the best day of your fucking life. Learn to love yourself and don't be afraid to get close to people because you have picked out all the bad apples. There are only four apples left. Cherish them for it is difficult to find...
May 28th, 2010 at 09:55am

Ache

I'm bearing my soul here. It's the only way I can do it. Through these journals. I didn't sleep last night. All because I didn't receive a simple 'good night' text. I know it wasn't your fault. I know it's because it's all the shit she puts you through. I just-- was so damn worried. I couldn't slow down my racing thoughts. It's almost impossible at times without meds. Even mantras don't help. I've...
May 15th, 2010 at 12:25am

(Dis)enchanted

I think I've actually come to terms that I'm getting the hell out of Porkopolis, USA. Calling it that makes me want to get out even more. Blech, just the name makes me shudder. I have everything ready. Told my boss I'm leaving, have my bags packed, have my car ready to make a trip across the country. I am just so ready to leave.I won't miss anyone. Before I was kinda bummed I was leaving...
May 9th, 2010 at 09:32pm

Wait, okay-- You gotta look before you go.

Monsters - Hurricane Bells.Describes my mood currently. I realize I only write journals when I really need to-- and I have been needing to a lot lately. I guess it's normal. Moving away from home is pretty emotionally draining and, in my case, conflicting as well. I wish it wasn't. I wish it was an completely amicable event, but nothing's ever easy in life, eh? I just gotta deal. Deal. As I have...
May 5th, 2010 at 10:28am

Mezmer

It's starting again. I've been listening to Pinkly Smooth on repeat. His voice soothes me. The nightmares are back. The exhaustion resulting from the insomnia is eating away at me. The constant counting down until I'm out of here is wearing me out. He gives me hope. Provides me with my own inner sanctuary. I know I've been replaced here. Replaced by other better people. I was just a filler, but I...
May 1st, 2010 at 08:21am

Dear 'God',

I can’t believe you. You did it again. You’re taking everyone from me. What the Hell did I do to deserve this? And muffed up thing is I can’t even cry properly anymore. I bet you’re really not even concerned about this. Yeah, my mother tells me to pray, but I’m actually afraid what would happen if you were paying attention. God, I hate you. I abhor you. I don’t even know if a silly...
April 13th, 2010 at 02:55pm

These are becoming a bit too frequent...

God, I miss you, April. I know I'm one day early, but happy fuckin' birthday. It would have been your Sweet 16. I was totally lookin' forward to annoying the fuck outta you by singing the theme song to the lame-ass MTV corporate sell-out show of the same name. I'm not even gonna bother to ask why it had to happen to you. Why not just me instead. I know there's no one or nothing up there that gives...
March 31st, 2010 at 09:29am

Time

Thought it was time for one of these again. Every so often I just need to spill my thoughts into some sort of something. Yeah, I am a poet. I know. Have a way with words; way the ladies as well. Chicka chicka yeah! (< wow, I'm an even terrible-er comedian.)The numbness is still here. I don't think that goes away and in my own way I do not want it to. It keeps me from falling apart.I'm making...
March 30th, 2010 at 10:25am

Loss

A new year, a fresh start, right? That's how that's supposed to work out. The ideal situation would be for me to have a clean slate to begin with. Apparently, that's not what whatever the hell controls this universe has in store for me. No, not at all. Losing people close to you is about one of the hardest things people have to deal with in their day-to-day lives. It's very hard to deal with at...
January 18th, 2010 at 07:08pm

Note to *ALL* readers

****I'd really, really appreciate feedback on my stories, particularly AVVV and HFoI. I've lost a couple of subs and there has to be a reason. Like I've said many times before I'm open to constructive criticism so commenting really lets me know what you guys are enjoying and what you guys don't like. I appreciate every single comment and suggestion thrown my way and take it to heart. Losing subs...
August 23rd, 2009 at 09:55am

One of those days...

*pulls hair in frustration and takes a deep breath*God knows I LOVE writing with all my black little heart, but I am getting a bit frustrated; just a bit and I'll tell you why. I've been pouring my heart and soul into these stories, not only HFoI and AVVV, but also my Hogwarts ones as well and have been getting a minimal amount of feedback.(Risque., perchance2dream, Trisha_ValoX69,...
July 13th, 2009 at 07:10pm

Mibba

Mibba rules my life. God-f'in'-d*mnit.It's like my own personal brand of heroin....See how stupid that sounds when a hot, seductive, sparkly vampire doesn't say it?Stephanie Meyer, stop pandering to the masses and get to the level of Anne Rice."Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are, none so like him as ourselves."^^^^Now that...
June 24th, 2009 at 10:14am

Is it so wrong?

"It's when heaven turns to black and hell to white, right so wrong and wrong so right..."That's what is pretty much going through my head right now. Inspiration strikes for meaningless journal entries when I'm about to pass out from a lack of sleep which isn't anyone's fault but mine. I put myself through this for some weird reason. Maybe in hopes that I actually won't feel the need to sleep...
June 24th, 2009 at 07:34am

Randomosity

Hello, one and all.My name is Angelica and, no, you may not call me by any other name. Just kidding. =) Just don't refer to me as "Angelica" from the Rugrats or I'll kick your ass. (Not really, I have no body strength, but I'll certainly be annoyed.) That's been a running joke for the past twelve years, its gotten severely stale. I registered with this wonderful site a while ago, but haven't...
June 19th, 2009 at 07:46pm