How is it that even with not seeing you I still see you everywhere. On every street, around every corner; in every shop, every park, every spot in this godforsaken town. Without even looking, you are everywhere – in everything I see, in my every thought, my every memory.I long to escape this place. This town. This state of mind. This everlasting darkness you’ve made for me.I miss the days of...

I did it. I finally fucking did it. I left him. And for once, I’m actually sticking to it; it’s been about two weeks and I haven’t caved in and messaged him - though I have most definitely wanted to.And, as always, I miss him deeply, though I know I shouldn’t. Even though I know he is an awful person - an alcoholic, an abuser, a liar, a cheater, close-minded, bigoted, homophobic,...

One of the reasons, if not the main reason, I love tumblr so much is the ability of the other bloggers from around the world to perfectly express certain feelings. The most complex of feelings, emotions, thoughts - all condensed into painfully accurate text posts. It's incredible, really, to feel so connected, so understood by complete strangers, by simple words.This could further delve into my...

I'm so full of rage, I don't even know what to do anymore - how to handle so much anger, so much emotion.Sometimes I look at him and glorify him; I believe, in that moment, that I do truly love him and maybe everything will be okay, that we can get through this all. I look at him and believe he is wonderful. I need him. I need him to love me, to hold me, to kiss me, to whisper I love you.But...

He doesn't love meHe doesn't love meHe doesn't love meHe never loved meHe doesn't love meHe will never love meHe doesn't love meHe doesn't love meHe could never love meHe doesn't love meHe doesn't love meHe doesn't love meI love himHe doesn't love meHe doesn't love meI always loved himHe doesn't love meHe doesn't love meI will always love himHe will never love meHe loves me notHe loves me notI...

When I was younger, my mother constantly reminded my sister and I of her weight of 110 and how anything more was too much. Consequently, growing up I had the idea that I could never go past 110 pounds and if I did, my mother would no longer love me.However, what I didn't realize as a kid, but what I do of course realize now, is that my mother is only 5'1; I tower over her at 5'8. Of course I'm not...

December if last year my boyfriend's ex girlfriend messages me on Facebook saying that she and my boyfriend have a daughter, who is now a year old. She accused him of beating her and his mother and cheating on me, and also accused me of ruining their "family". Other details were included, making me seriously consider that she might be telling the truth.I confronted him the same day I received the...

I have been anonymously leaving messages on the girl I like's tumblr. I've known her for years and liked her just as long. She's absolutely perfect in every single way. Funny (in the brilliantly clever and witty sort of way), talented (at everything -art, music, writing, etc), intelligent (wittily so, and book smart too), adorable (god, the faces she makes), beautiful (genetics have seriously...

What is love, even? How do you know of you're in it, or falling in it? Does it even exist? Or just something created by those desperate to end their loneliness? I want him to be here. I want him to hold me and kiss me and talk to me. I want him to hold my hand and trace patterns on my palm and kiss my cheek. I want him to make my laugh and pull me close and never let go. What is happening to...

The past few days I've been thinking about committing more so than usual. We all think about it once or twice in a lifetime, I know. But I don't just wonder for a brief second who would care, or whatever. I think about how much easier it would be on me and everyone around me. I sit and plan it. I contemplate the best and worst ways. And now that I'm going into senior year, there even more...

I had a thought earlier. A twisted idea.After removing the screen from my bedroom window, I took a deep breath, held back tears, and leaned out, tilted forward, on and on, until I felt the tips of my toes leave the floor, until I felt myself lose all support, all balance. Letting free all suppressed air, I tilted back into my room, felt the firmness of flooring beneath my feet.I sat, then, on the...

Sometimes I feel like things are getting better- positive things have happened. I've gained this little thing called confidence (only a bit, but it's more than I've had in years). I have a boyfriend (he's actually nice, unlike the others). I've made friends (people who actually enjoy my company and want to hang out outside of school). All big accomplishments for me, really. What I call...

I am so sick of these voices.All these stupid fucking voices.They tell of my worthlessness; tell me I'm not good enough, that I never will be. They whisper those crippling words, words that creep, they stick, a constant reminder of my failures and faults.I can't do anything without them criticizing, without them observing and dissaproving.Please make them stop. Quiet the murmurs, the screams. The...

Fonso - I can't even begin to explain how much I fucking love this kid- has told me more than once that he thinks I have depression. Now, I've never been to any sort of therapy or pyschologist to even confirm officially that I have social anxiety. But, I mean, that's pretty easy to figure out. I cleary have issues with it considering I can't even leave my room without panicking and shit like that....

So, normally I write these things- these rants- when I'm extremely upset or bothered by something. But today was actually not bad. In fact, I'm doing well. I feel good. Happy.And that is rare for me. I can't remember the last time I felt so content for so little a reason. But today, I feel, was a success. And I'm proud.I made a friend (my first one made in years) and he joined me and a few friends...

I keep having these really awful days where, all day at school, I'm just freaking out in my head- Am I walking normally? How's my hair? Fuck you, wind. God, I must look like a fat beast right now. There is no way I look remotely attractive or acceptable. Theyre probably all staring at my thighs. Disgusting. Please don't look at me. Ah, don't make eye contact.And it just goes on and on and on. I...

Exciting news. I'm not pregnant.Which is a miracle. I should be. I really should be.So I googled some shit on this. Turns out, it's really difficult for me to get pregnant.I'm going to delve into something personal- different than the normal personal stuff I write about. My period. Or, rather, lack of. It's a blessing and a curse. Well, curse isn't the right word. But it'll do. Like, I just don't...

I wish I were pretty- more specifically, that effortless kind of pretty. You know, those girls with the messy hair, no makeup, and baggy mismatched clothes. They're thin and beautiful, sometimes with piercings and tattoos. I just want to look like them.I shouldn't feel as unattractive as I do. I mean, I do get complimented. In fact, I get complimented a lot. But I never believe it. When I look in...

Two things I need to talk about today.One, Sierra is talking to me again. And god, she is sofucking perfect. Literally everything I could ever want in a girl. She's quiet and thoughtful and responsive and quirky. She's intelligent and caring and talented and talkative. And so goddamn beautiful. She's small- only 5ft, with hips and curves in all the right places. She has the cutest laugh- sometimes...

I feel like I cry way too much. I don't know, really...is there a normal amount to cry?I breakdown because of insignificant things, too. I don't cry when my mother calls me fat; I don't cry when my father calls me stupid; I don't cry she tells me just how much better than me she is; I don't cry when so obviously implies that I'm a whore. I do, however, cry, stomp, scream, and break things when I...