xRaeraSayzRawrx / Comments

oooh, listen to Fixed At Zero, Mind Reader and Moments Between Sleep. their album is amazing omg. but those are my favorites (:

oooh, listen to Fixed At Zero, Mind Reader and Moments Between Sleep. their album is amazing omg. but those are my favorites (:

thank you. yes, I fucking hate how a lot of stories and I do mean a lot portray him.
Versaemerge! Sierra is amazing Check them out! new album coming out! <33

Mine is "The Drug in Me is You" because its the first song I ever heard by them.

Probably "The Drug In Me Is You" or "Raised by Wolves"

Yeah as soon as I get a tuner though I'm learning me some Falling in Reverse.

A few songs by Green Day but no Avenged Sevenfold or Falling in Reverse or Escape the Fate or Papa Roach they're all in a different tuning and I don't have a tuner.

Aye I play bass but its been a long time since I've picked it up. I've been playing on and off for about six years. I'm not a pro by any means.

Yes yes it is.

Max Green is a unique individual I'm sure he'll find somewhere to call home.

Yeah I know what cha mean. When I saw that Max left I was staring at the computer screen like 'What the heck?'. According to what I've read it was because of musical differences but there is always more to the story than that.

Thank you. :)

I'm a fan of both Craig Mabbitt and Ronnie Radke. I've been listening to both Escape the Fate and Falling in Reverse. So I never take sides.

Ronnie is one of my favorite singers ^_^

You are welcome. :)

You okay ? :) xox

Hey:) xox

The reason I mentioned your age is because you're acting way younger than 13. You're acting like constructive criticism is the worst thing ever. And I did not say that I'd like to read something more professional, I said that you should try to strive to sound more professional in your writing so that people will take it seriously. Or else it's going to seem like a joke.

And "Mibba Queen"? Really? That just proves my point.

I was trying to help you out so that in the long run you'll be a better writer. Everyone understands that but you. Even your co-author. I wasn't being rude, I was giving you honest tips on how to better your writing, like you asked.

So when you accuse me of "destroying" your writing, I'm getting really angry. I'm not up for mind games or to go back and forth with you on this. You asked what I thought, I told you. You got ticked off.

That's not my fault.

First of all, you asked for me to tell you what I thought about your writing. So I did. Nicely. "Besides that...what about the writing?" That's what you said.

Secondly, you have no right to tell me that I "ruined [writing] for you". I didn't. I merely gave you some tips on how to better your writing and make it so that people will enjoy it as much as you do.

Third of all, I get that you're 13 and you're over-reacting, but I flat-out told you that I thought you're a good writer so for you to be so rude to me, makes me severely disappointed. Don't ask for my thoughts if you don't actually want to hear them.

Lastly, I meant everything I told you about your writing. I wasn't rude and I didn't ruin anything. If you're going to write AS Ben Bruce then you better actually make it sound like him because that's what people want to read. Not a poor impression of him. I'm sorry, but it's true. I was merely trying to give you some tips so that you could learn to become a better writer and put the tips to good use.

Well, in your co-author's first chapter she needs to make sure that the POV is fixed because it's switching from first to third a lot. Like it was originally in third but then you guys changed your minds and switched it, but missed a few pronouns.

And also, in the first chapter, I noticed that it's a little "gappy". Like, "First I did this." "Then I did this". "Then after that, I did this."
Instead of having it flow as one. Ex: "When I got up in the morning I hopped in the shower, my thoughts confusing even me as I realized I was now old enough to drink". Does that make sense? I suck at explaining what I'm thinking.

___

As for what I've read of your writing, you don't seem to have that problem. The first thing I noticed though was this: "So how's here?" He asked. The 'H' in 'he' should be lowercase since you're not starting a new sentence. Just adding a speech tag.

Also, this: I scanned the room again.

"Nah." His eyes widened.

Should be this:

I scanned the room again. "Nah."

His eyes widened.

You want to keep the characters separate by giving them their own lines. Because out of context, it sounds like Danny is saying "Nah" as his eyes are widening.

I'm kind of going to point out everything that came to my attention, I'm not trying to be like, "You did everything wrong!" because you definitely didn't! You're a good writer and I like it. Honestly. (: But I'm just trying to give you as many tips as possible. So, don't think that I'm trying to cut down your writing or anything because I'm definitely not. I'm trying to do the opposite, actually. (: :I

Here's something that doesn't have to be changed but is just something I personally prefer. Instead of writing in all caps when you say stuff like this: "YOUR KIDDING ME!", I usually but put it in bold and add an extra exclamation point. It gets the same point across and makes it look more professional. (:

The same thing goes for: "taking a swig of my Jack. MY Jack." Instead of repeating it and capitalizing it, you could just say it once and put it in italics. "Taking a swig of my Jack."

And I get that you're trying to portray a specific image by making the guys seem like total A-holes, but in my own opinion calling the girls in the club sluts and hoes and referring to a fan as an "eye-sore" and "Barney crapped on her head" makes the story seem a tad bit unrealistic.

The writing isn't bad, but just the way you go about describing things like that really turns me off of the story. Just because I'd rather read something that sounds more professional and realistic.