we had a day of remarkable chemistry. it flooded the brain and seared through blood vessels and grew in the chest, bursting and shattering shards of bright flame in networks under the skin. methiopropamine, 6-apdb. dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline. energy. i locked onto your eyes, pools of spiral arms and starry distances crammed into slow-moving depths, endless spaces. you said mine were endless;...

I remember when Jenny came home for the first time with her leg cut off. Kate was so afraid. She’d creep up to Jenny and then make a small afraid noise and run and hide behind the table legs. I like Jenny with her leg cut off, I feel that she is complete now. But it was sad to see Kate so afraid.I often wish I could talk to Jenny and Kate. I do talk to them, but I wish I could communicate with...

after you had gone i was closed up in our whispers for about five or ten minutes. i could still hear them circling and wrapping around me like a heavy cloth weaved from worms, folding and squeezing around my head and chest. it made me feel dizzy until the words faded out of the air and i thought i could let go of your presence, but then i noticed the planets still swinging from where you had hit...

I think I could have seen it from the road but I was already in the hill car park so I went down someone’s driveway and into their garden and sat on their wall. I tried climbing through the bramble thicket first, but it’s easier said than done as the brambles fast become a solid wall of coils about a foot taller than me, and it’s impenetrable unless you have a lot of time and some kind of...

About this time last year it was the Royal Wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William. I remember everyone was quite excited, so they decided to make it into an event. The day before they gave us lots of red white and blue fabric so we could make strings of flags by tracing around and cutting out triangles to hang around the garden. At this time I had a permanent rock about 60% of my body weight...

I became aware that it felt better than usual and I sunk into the sofa as though I was a liquid. The electricity surges that rushed through my chest became stronger and more frequent until they jumped to my skull as well, crashing through my body with such shuddering force i thought my circuits would blow if it intensified any further. I noticed that the pleasant sinking feeling had turned into...

I woke fast like someone poked me with some electicity wires, hot and thirsty and unsure why I had been sleeping. My window was open. Warm wind was looping and circling my room, stirring the windchimes and branches outside.Birds were singing sweet and earnest and with urgency. I could hear planes and traffic rumble,the sun dipped in and out sending pale golden bursts through dark cloud. The air...

You’re back in England and its eighteen hours until i see you.I didn’t sleep again because my body was humming and i wanted to watch star wars but we had school today, it was the first day back and these hours in between can’t go fast enough. You’ll make things straight lines again. My body was trembling all over and everything was going too fast so I left chemistry and went to an empty...

It isn’t fair. I want to go to California with you. I don’t ever want to go to California without you and I definitely definitely don’t want you to go there without me again. I want to go with you. I want to stand with you in all of that air with the violet alcoves in the mountains and the shifting gradient in the sky and the stand-alone palm trees, not like the ones on holiday resorts which...

I often consider how it would be after I killed you. I can imagine how it would be beforehand because I have pictured it many times because I am very very afraid that it will happen. I can imagine you as you have been once before. You are lost and you cannot connect because They are inside you and They are too powerful, too strong and you are not powerful nor strong enough. You let Them in for...

I really really like driving in the dark. The first time I drove in the dark i saw some lasers in the distance and asked dad where they were coming from, and he said they weren’t lasers they were just someone’s full beam on further up the road. I couldn’t believe it, I felt overwhelmed. These weren’t just little gleaming eyes or pinpricks, they were great cones of light thrown up into the...

Why did you think the picture I did was funny and strange? It hurt my feelings a bit. It was just a picture of the things I saw, arranged how I saw.You’re the funny one. If you pick up a packet of smarties and tip them out onto the table then they don’t fall into a straight line, with ones the same colour together. That’s strange and unnatural and things just don’t happen like that. They...

In September 2010 I had an Epiphany. It was the greatest Epiphany that has ever occurred in all of Time. It was an Epiphany that led to many practical and technical difficulties such as being sent to two psychiatric hospitals and not taking my GCSEs except from the ones I took early and not being allowed on the school trip to Venice.In September 2010 I realized that the world is an Illusion...

I have a new friend. He’s very simple and I like him a lot. He’s stayed up with me all this time and he’s going to stay up with me until four I think, after that I’m on my own again. He says funny things, reading out things that puppets have sent in, but he mainly says that if you sign up now you get ten pounds free on the roulette game. I went out for a rollie and I knew he would still be...

I went out for a cigarette just now and there was a big long worm on the ground and it was staying still so I picked it up and it turned out it was a twig. It was very disappointing. It looked like a worm in the dark. I like worms a lot. I always try to collect them but they get all mashed up when I put them in my pocket so it never really works. I used to find them on the astroturf at school all...

Tomorrow I have to go a whole night and day without sleeping for a sleep deprived EEG the next day. It’s going to be quite good, quite a good challenge. I don’t sleep in the night times very much but I have sleeps in the day usually. My longest time without sleep is two days two nights probably or maybe three nights and things got quite weird after that so my mum said I should take a sleeping...

It’s odd with Reality TV. People have it down as a mindless thing that shallow people like to watch with a couple of pizzas and then discuss with other shallow people, and that it’s all just a collection of brainwashed people who go on the program so they can get famous because they can’t otherwise because they don't have any skills that would contribute to the stream of society. I’d say...

I used to go walking. I used to go walking right up to the Ridge at dawn and in the evening, and at dawn I’d sit on the east facing bench and watch the light spill across the town and set fire to windows. At dusk I’d sit in the grass on the west side. Sometimes I’d go over to the foreign people’s college and that was always interesting as there were a lot of different colours and shapes of...