i came home and pleaded my sister to drop me off at the coffeehouse to meet up with jimmy. im not suppose to. my parents dont let me go out with just him, but my parents are out this weekend. so she somehow let me go.he came late and felt so bad that he embraced me forever. it was so nice i wanted to sleep. we got in his car and picked up his wallet he left at joshs house and then got gas. we had...

i have so many longings i can hardly bare it. i used to be able to laugh it off but now i just want to smoke it off. its unrealistic, these things that i want. i can feel it like the after flavor of screams. i even desire to scream it out, but i have nothing to say. i want the city with all its nightlife, i want the smoke with all its nicotine, i want the appartments with all their rooftops, i...

i never meant to tell her secret. once i did it was too late. april fools day and i couldnt tell who the joke was on. the school conselors and principles and police swallowed her up. and then her dad gave her a speaking to. hes no italian, but im guessing he spoke with his hands.i never knew i could lose so much. i couldnt make it through classes. i was sick. not the same kind of sick where i kept...

dear mylastline,i feel like i should be writing in this, and if im not, im sorry. i didnt want to write on the other side because your writing seems like it deserves a blank page after. its almost like your words are so strong that i have to leave that blank page for when they seep through the other side. its beautiful the way they are laid out in your simple handwriting. i never liked those even,...

dear tori and carissa,it upsets me so much when im weeping inside to a sad song and then my headphones lose the right connection and the sound ends. worse yet, the sadness leaves. is it all that simple? what a paradox or contradiction, that im sad about not keeping sadness without a song. am i masochist? if i wrote a word eleve thousand times would it still mean something? if i said love eleven...

dear tori and carissa,i feel like nothing could stop me. i could bite this glass mug and it would just soften down like plastic in the sun. and i would swallow. lets take our converse to the stick floors of a grand circus and watch indie films weekly. lets tilt our heads wrapped with a dainty flower necklace to drink champagne and before the sun sleeps lets light sparklers and dance like we were a...

this is to the time we paced the stairs to your room secretly.this is to the time i fell asleep in your arms. and woke up still being held close.this is to the seasons we swayed through so easy without a fight.this is to the nervous first times of public affection.this is to the first spagetti dinner with my family.this is to the times we pretended to play guitar.this is to the time you wrote me a...

The walls look like a sort of mahogany red with dim peach-colored lights beaming against the smooth surface. It almost matches the color of blood on hands, as if everything about the house has a guilty touch. Left messily on the side of the room, cheap jewelry spills from drawers and a silk gown drapes a plain-wired hanger. The rest of the hangers dangle bare. Close to the unorganized jewelry box...

i told carissa she adds so much razzle-dazzle to my life, but she didnt get it. so i said "you know, the sprinkles on the icing, the icing on the cake, the cake on the table". she giggled. a couple of days later she came in with a pack of razzles with a silver bow on it. i giggled.today we were graced with snow, even though this town deserves mucky air rather than the brisk white. all the same...

we were the fuzz on the peach, together. we were holding close pens and pencils and the scraps of paper that were stained with our thoughts. we lace our hair with our dreams, extending, swaying, like crashing waves over our shoulders. we were anti-movement, we were anti-anti. we were the fortune cookie smashed in the wrapper, the unlucky number stuck in your head. we were the flowers in december,...