gequit / Comments

hey i love your storys
and i have a story can you read and comment on how to improve my story so i get lotz and lotz of commentz


PS I HAVE SUSCRIBED TO YOUR STORYS YOUR A HERO....

*blushes* I usually don't take that long...I sometimes take a month at the most, but for some reason that third chapter was really hard to spit out.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting :D

"Naw, fuck. just reading your stories makes me acknowledge that, i'm never gonna write as good as you do.

anyways, great starting! i like it, but...can the words be a bit larger? it's kinda making me blind...and why did you delete the story you wrote before. i wasn't a reader but i know you had a story. anyways, keep up the great job.

question: is this heterosexual or what? i kinda need to know before i start LOVING it " - Your comment on my storyy...

----

hey, I'm sorry it's taking me so long to reply to your message, and fix up your story... but I've got alot going on here at the moment... like ALOT.
Awww... Yes you will! I'm not even that good of a writer... I've written, like.. 2 stories, this being my second one. And as I've said before, it's all just a matter of practice. You can't expect to be perfect straight away. I bet it would help if you'd been brought up with english too.

Thanks you lovee... I'll try and make it bigger, but the story layout thing is being a cow. I did have two stories, 3 actually. I two of them for this simple reason that no one was reading them. The other one is the one I'm writing now. I just re-posted it in a slightly different format.

If I keep writing, it will be heterosexual and homosexual. I've got a few things planned, and I'm trying not to make it too cliche.
Thank you so much for commenting, but I'm not sure I'm gonna keep writing it... No one ever seems to read my stories, but ohwell.

Anyone, be in touch soon with your story chapter thing.
-Noah. xx.

I knoww what you mean about THOSE girls, mainly because those
were the ones that were giggling and shit with some guys. But hey it's
Tuesday and IM ALIVE, it didnt go as bad as I thought, just some confused
glares here and there but nothing that bad :D

and yeahh we started screaming and singing and running on the middle of
the street and jumping and dancing and... when we started to get tired
we just lay there in the middle of the street and talked
until one of those rich guys got he's ''oh so cool van'' and threatened
to run us over so we moved but kept screaming and stuff... xD
but it was some night LOL

and yeah get high, just eat tons of chocolate
and eat some... SALSA xD
and drink coke
and there... you get HIGH :P

Not literally
like socially killed
because they started screaming offensive stuff
and nah don't worry what people think about you
or your reputation


I'm the only bad ass girl in school
and nobody will think otherwise just because
I got hyper,
They get scared when I get hyper xD

So yeahh take the chance and
get really hyper
and if someone has a problem with it
kick their ass... it works for me xD

Yeah, I'll read it, but you know when i finish my exams xD
honestly, I think I'm going to fail Algebraa :P
well, if you want me to bitch about life...
have you ever gotten so hyper
that normal people actually freak out?
hahahah :D

last night me and my friends got hyper
and this popular people where watching us
so we'll probably get killed on Monday,
but whatever xD

wowzers!!
stll alive aren't you?
I just read the last caps of Kill All your friends
(I'm procrastinating, supossedly I'm studying for my
algebra exam Lol :P)
I must say, good luck with that
I unlike everyone else here
isn't in love,
I'm sad
single
and...
well i do't know what else
but yeah
xD
I was just coming by
soo bye, :D

Like, become confident around girls, ect. Because I have no courage at all to ask a girl out, I fear they might be like... a homophobe or something. Or they'll turn me down or don#t feel the same way.

Hey, I'm just wondering, I really need to boost my confidence up with girls. I just wanted to know, how the hell did you do it?

It is weird… I think I should be able to edit chapters, considering I can add them. o.O
That sounds good. Could you just send it a chapter at a time though? That way I won’t loose any of the wirting or whatever… I tend to do that a lot.
You can leave me as a co-writer if you wish to, I have no problem with that. X]
Now tensing is a funny thing… I’ll try my best to explain…:
At the moment you’re writing in “third person” or “general point of view” most of the time. For example:

[I] ‘A young man stood before a wooden door, sighing as he knocked it with a smooth rhythm.
“Yes dear?” A sleepy voice came though the thick piece of wood, hardly been heard.
“Uh…mom? Angela needs to be taken to school.” There was a long pause before the woman inside made out an answer.
“Frankie dear, would you mind bringing your sister to school? I’m not feeling quite well.”
“Sure mom, try and get some sleep. I’ll take care of it.”’[/I]

Then there’s “first person” or “selective point of view” Which is where you write it from a characters point of view. Example:

[I] ‘I pulled my car into the parking lot, and knocked the gear stick into ‘park’. As I opened the door and tried to stand up, I realized my shirt was stuck on something, and I’d just pulled all the stitching, and it was now starting to un ravel. I wasn’t sure wether to go home and change before I met him in the café or to just go in and hope for the best. While I sat and contimplated my decision, another car pulled up next to me on the drivers side. Guess who? He rolled down the window and started at me with a grin planted on his face. “What the fuck happened to your top?” he asked.” [/I]

Now both of these can be put in “past” or “present” tense. The piece of writing above is past tense, which is what you’ve written a lot of your story in. Present tense is a little different, and a lot more informative with a lot more emotional content put into it. Example:

I’ve just pulled into the parking lot and parked my car, and guess what I just did? I’ve managed to somehow snag my shirt on something behind me, and pulled all the stitching in it. Now it’s partly see through, and I’m meant to be meeting with him in a few minutes. I don’t know if I should go home and change, and be late or just go like this and hope for the best. Oh god, this is so frustrating! I don’t know what I’m going to do. I wonder if I left my shirt in the back seat from last night… I could wear that.
Theres this white car that just pulled up next to me… whoever is driving is an idiot. My car door is clearly open, and they just about knocked it off. What a moron.
Wait..Oh.. my… god…! It’s him. He just pulled up next to me.
“What the fuck happened to your top?” he asks. I’m giggling nervously now… Thank god he can’t read my thoughts!’[/I]

Mmm… sorry about my crappy writing, I’m just making this up to explain.
Now in stories, you can swap from one tense to another through dreams, flashbacks, or by writing from different points of views. So, you could write from Gerards point of view one chapter, then Franks the next.

I think what you’re doing now is good for you; third person. You just need to be careful not to write parts of it in a present tense, because your actaully recounting something that has already happened.

If you wanna know anything else, just ask. Sorry for taking up soooo much space. :P
-Noah. [lol.. I hate my name. Teehee]

I''ve tried to do it, and realized I can't.
I can only add new chapters. So I'll just go through it and then send you a message saying I've done it.
-noah.

Nyaw... you can trust me!
What purpose would I have to stuff it up anyway? It's no trouble at all, it will gimme something to do. :D
Umm... I'll put a white "*" at the top so you know if I've done it?
I reckon that'd be easiest. =]

I'm on here heaps anyway, morning and night. So maybe...umm... I dunno how I could really do it..
Either maybe PM it to me before you submit it... or make me a co-writer and I'll just go through and fix it up, then you can take me off as a writer?
Up to you... I don't really care. x]
- Noah.

Sorry I took so long reading your stories, My comments seem to be in high demand these days. X]
I think it was amazing. I really loved it. I read through the 8 chapters in like… half an hour, with no breaks. That’s very strange for me. I normally just read them in little bits over the night. I know it must be hard for you to come up with original, funny idea’s that stear clear of “cliché”, but I can tell you now… the time you take writing it really pays off. It’s a wonderful story to read. =]
As for your tensing and spelling… it was more just tenses and maybe… a typo or two. I will however tell you that sometimes even microsoft word stuffs it up, not often… but sometimes. x]
I’m sure your tenses will get better as you write, they’re all ready much better then they used to be. If you want any help with them, just ask. I’m more then willing to help, if you want.
I REALLY did like it, and you don’t have to do your best.
Just do what’s natural for you. =]
I eagerly await your next update… *hint hint*

AWESOME! I must buy that magazine. Hahaa. x'D

I haven't had a lot of crushes lately. Only one, which is Hayley Williams. *blushes* heh! I find her actually quite hot! x'D Any crushes? Male or Female. It's just a random topic.

xoxox

Thanks for commenting my picture. x'D I have another one up. It's of me, i just took it today. Although I won't look like that soon!!!

Hey, thanks for being a great reader on my stories. I just read through your profile. I know how it is, when nobody excepts you for who you are, a bisexual. And how you love a girl, but they just don't feel the same way. I've been through all that. I've actually been bisexual all my life. Ever since I got my crush on a girl, when I was only about 7. And that's being truthful.

xoxo Chloe.

you're most very welcome, you're story is good, it's different to the others and stuff...

ahahha. why thank you. :D
& you are very welcome!