Lately I've been occasionally opening it up in a tab, look at it, then closing it again., but that's only in the past few months or so. I made some brilliant friends on here and I'm wondering if they'd even remember me now. I'm going to try and start coming on here more again; I need to get back into my writing and this is one of the best places I know to do it. Hopefully I'll carry on with my...

Hey, guess what. I turns it, this guy that is really close to me, Ryan, isn't dead after all!You would think this would make me extremely happy, but for some reason, I feel just as lost, lonely and confused as before.I'm over the moon that he isn't dead. But even with him here to help me again, I feel just as bad as I did whe he was 'dead'.I feel like something is wrong with me, like something is...

Hey, again..Urgh! I feel so shitty today! I keep just blowing up at people for no reason. I feel so shit. I'm not allowed out 'cause of this stupid bump on my ankle. It's stopping me walking properly, but I couldn't care less to be honest.Everything seems to be going wrong. I'm afraid for my little sister, she might be anorexic. My mom is acting really weird around me, shouting and screaming at me...

Hey there!I decided that I would make regular entries in here. Because it really helps me. Haha. I make myself sound like such a doof (Y) xD- - -Yesterday was really fun... And stuff. Haha. Me and some friends... Actually. Scrap that. Me, Laura, Ben and Nikki went into town (kinda, more the park :P) and it was so funny. We were all just so happy. It felt so normal! (Lol.)But half way through the...

-Sighs-This is really becoming my only source of relief now. I let everything out in these journals. I don't keep diaries anymore. They get read. (By my 'dad'..)I feel like I can tell this journal thingy everything that I can't tell the people that are closest to me. They can read them, sure. But I can't tell them myself... Weird much?Sometimes I just feel like everything I do is pointless....

Ben. What can I say? I really do love you mate (: You've given me a new kind of happiness. And this confidence... I just want to go into a room full of homopboes and scream out about my bisexuality.You are so amazing. You're sweet, sensitive, caring and sexy. (Hehe!) You've made me realise that I can be happy, even when I thought I would never be happy again.After Ben died, Ryan was there for me....

I miss you so much Ben.And you Ryan.You two were the two most amazing guys in my life.You still are.Always will be.You didn't care for me because you had to.You cared for me because you wanted to.I'm trying to move on.But there's a new guy in my life now, Ben.Yes, his name is Ben.I know, confusing much? =/But I still think about the both of you constantly.I can never get over you.Either of you.You...

It's all getting too much now. Ben died. Now Ryan has killed himself. The two main guys in my life. I was so close to them both. I trusted them with everything I've ever had. I miss them so much. My life has gone to the shit without them. I've started self harming again. I only stopped because I promised Ryan. But I feel worse for betraying his trust. But I'm lost. I'm lonely. And I'm confused. I...

Well basically, this journal is me writing a leter to a really close friend of mine who is in a coma. I know he can't ead this and all that.... But it means something to me to do this. So I am.Hey Ben, Laurenn here. I know you might never even read this... But I want you to know how much I care about you. I hate them assholes called chavs that done this to you! You don't deserve this. It's the...