Well, I haven't updated in a long time. I actually started working on the next chapter of Asfwert, but I got too busy with class.My friend got rid of her cancer, by the way. The surgery to remove the tumor from her liver was successful, and her first quarterly check-up showed no problems.I leave Japan the day after tomorrow. When I first got here, I was pretty miserable. It was a hard adjustment,...

I used to be an optimist. Not anymore. I'd hate to say I'm a pessimist even. I'm not anything. I feel like I'm just standing still, watching helplessly as different parts of my life crumble.One of my closest friends was just diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer. Cancer. That's for old people. This seems like a horrible joke. She seems totally fine. Cancer? Are you kidding me?Even just the...

I broke things off with Alejandro last Friday. There's another two-year friendship down the drain. Awesome.My friends couldn't believe he was just using me, but that's life, I guess.Last Thanksgiving, Antonio came to my house and spent the break with my family and me. It was truly one of the best weeks of my life.Now he'll probably spend it with his fiancee's family.I really just can't handle this...

Things I cannot handle right now:1) My impossibly difficult test tomorrow. I've been studying all evening but still don't understand.2) That I just spent almost $400 on a snake. Yeah. Kind of an impulse buy. An insane impulse. Still processing that.3) My (nonexistent) relationship with Alejandro.This is what I wanted, isn't it? I wanted some sort of casual relationship with him. But I'm feeling so...

Hello, welcome to my life, where apparently I'm giving off CRAZY pheromones that attract all males.EXHIBIT A: ALEJANDROSo Alejandro and I hooked up on Thursday. And Friday he barely texted me at all, and at the concert, we talked but just about normal things. It was like nothing ever happened between us. I felt stupid and used, but as I was walking back to my car, I get a text from...

So Alejandro does like me.I won't go into details, but I ended up spending the night at his place. This morning was really super awkward. He dropped me off at my apartment, and we kissed goodbye. But we pretty much avoided talk about what this means.We're both getting over our ex's, he's graduating in May, and neither of us wants to get hurt or wants the other to get hurt. So I don't know what's...

Further updates on the ex situation:Not only do I have to deal with the fact that Antonio is engaged, but this week, I have to see him every day and freaking sit next to him!I am so tired of this. It would be so much easier to get over him if I didn't have to see him or hear his voice.His former roommate Alejandro asked me when I'll stop being pissed at Antonio. I just told him that Antonio is not...

Sorry about the lack of updates, guys. I've been busy, and my life is just going to hell. I'm struggling in school, I'm messing up with my job, my sister decided to go cold turkey off her meds (which, surprise, has really messed her up)...Plus, there's the super fun fact that Antonio is now engaged to Ann.Seriously, I can't handle my life right now. It's just all too much. I'm in so much pain. My...

Things have only gotten worse. Everything here reminds me of Antonio, and it doesn't help that the entrance to my apartment is right next to the bench where he first gazed into my eyes in the middle of the night and told me that he loved me.Shortly after arriving here, I see that Antonio has changed his profile picture. Although we're no longer FB friends, I can still see that sort of thing. The...

I hope everyone has been enjoying the new Asfwert updates! :) I'll try to be better from now on. I don't know when I'll have the next chapter ready, but I have part of it written.In other news, it's been about three months since the break up. I haven't heard from Antonio, except for when I emailed him to ask him for his new address to send him his stuff. He told me again he wanted to stay friends...

(I've stopped expecting anyone to read and provide feedback. By now, this is just an outlet for the crazy emotions I'm experiencing, such as jealousy and rage.)My fever is gone, but my throat hurts like nobody's business. And even though I've blocked Antonio from my News Feed, when his friends post on his wall, I freaking see it.And his friend Beatrix is apparently meeting up with him on Tuesday...

So I'm home alone for the next few days with a fever of 101.6, meaning I'll be doing exactly what I've been trying not to do since the break up: spending time alone in bed.This also blows because my sister is graduating from grad school this weekend, meaning I have to miss her hooding and her graduation.However, I have been very good. I blocked Antonio from my News Feed, and I haven't cracked and...

I'm starting to go a bit insane. At least I don't cry anymore, but I think I've definitely hit the anger stage in the ol' grief cycle. Next up, depression! Ugh.I really should unfriend Antonio on Facebook, but I'm trying to make myself seem nonchalant, like the break up doesn't bother me at all. At the moment, he seems to be winning that game. He updates Facebook all the time, on the laptop I...

This morning, I was still weeping regularly, and I made a playlist of sad songs to provide a soundtrack to my misery.I have now deleted the playlist and am creating a new one based on feeling confident.I realized that part of the reason I was distraught about the break up is because Antonio was a very large part of my life, and he left a hole. I didn't know how to fill that void, and I now have a...

Well, I was totally blindsided last night.Antonio broke up with me. Over the phone. He just called and said I don't make him happy anymore. He no longer loves me.I guess it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise, but it hurts so much more than I expected it to. It's hard to believe he can throw away 13 months. I met his parents. He met mine and stayed with us in our home twice. He was not...