That's how I feel. I'm always flying high or drowning. This morning, I woke up feeling like I could conquor the world. I cleaned my room and did my laundry (trust me, it's a HUGE accomplishment), filled my prescription, mailed the letters, and spent six hours at school working on my project to get ahead (yes - it is a Saturday). And then on my drive home from school it was like I plummeted. I hate...

Have you ever had a project weigh you down? At the time it really doesn't feel like much, but when it's done and you feel so light.. Then it just feels like a whole mew world!I had such a boringly productive day; I loved it. And it's 10:00pm and I'm ready to pass out.. I feel so grown up! It's actually kind of funny. But this new lifestyle of mine is an interesting one.. One I think I can have fun...

Alright.I need to vent.Tonight's my cheat night and I'm cheating with shooters and I'm so glad I didn't go to the concert I was given the option of going to. I feel bad, but honestly, every time it's about an hour or two before I need to leave and I feel like my feet are glued to the floor and I can't even think of facing people.. Then I feel guilty for not going but I just really don't want to....

I feel this dreadful feeling in my gut, like nothing will happen. Like I'm going to end up alone with hundreds of cats - half of the buried under the hoards of junk I'll have collected after my seventy years of living with no children and no husband to attend too, unless I find some abusive drunk I can f*** - and left without my family to fall back on..I keep dreaming of being alone. Sure, one...

"I love books. I cherish them, adore them, collect them, and devour them. They’re a sustaining life source that is neither necessary nor particular, yet has seemingly become the darkness that creeps up my walls, covers the ceilings and licks at the candle flames flickering, flickering in the window’s silhouettes. And I dream of the books, of the stories and characters and memories they create...

I feel bad for complaining, but I'm so tired. It's pathetic. I have so much to read, so much to write, so much to draw and mail and pack and drink andugh.Just too much.Not to mention I have my homework that I want to get ahead on.. ICK.But to my point: Is anyone interested in being e-mail pen pals? It can definitely turn into snail mal pals, but for real I'm sitting in my class all day doing...

I've just been so sad lately. It's not like I have any reason, I just am. I can't seem to find any reason to make myself forgive, or to forget. I hold no grudges against anyone but myself, and I wish I were a better person. I wish i could forget my flaws, just accept that people are so focused on their own internal flaws that they can't see other's flaws, but I'm conversing with people who have a...

I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. I like to think I'm invincible from fears, from judgement; but I'm not. I would like my parents to think me innocent, and I hope they do. I would like to believe myself to be ignorant of abuse, but I know it's a lie. I'm scared of addiction, but I crave the feeling. I'm scared of feeling, yet I crave the tingling. I don't understand what I ignore, but I'm...

This summer has gone by like a satellite through the night sky. It's always been my one little piece of solace throughout the year amongst months of chaos and stress; keeping on top of friends and school work has been chaotic. And to finally be rid of it all, to have nothing to worry about - I feel lost. Sure I go back in a little under two weeks, but it's a new school and new curriculum. It's...

It's weird. I'm on summer vacation, in between High School and Post-Secondary, and I feel as though I see the world through whole new eyes. Suddenly, I don't see the same people day after day and it's like my whole attitude has changed. I can go out in public without makeup, I head out in sweats and flip flops, I don't care about how I look, and I just am. I feel as though I may have finally shed...

This was probably one of the most honest conversations I've ever had about something I once believed was possible and had been living.It's strange.. realizing you lied to yourself, that you blinded yourself with the very dreams and thoughts that are "defined to be you," only to realize that it laid still, a curtain between you and the very sounds and smells and people around you. To open your...

You know what I just realized?I'm so content with the fact that I've never had a relationship.Actually, I'm thrilled I've never been in a relationship.There is just so much pain and growth that it scares me after a relationship is done, and while you're in a relationship there is just so much growth that it scares me. I love being independent, and I love not having to worry about anyones approval...

Well today is Saturday. Yesterday was Friday; the last day of High School classes I will ever attend. Currently, it's 2:22am, and I'm sitting at my computer writing because my friends are all passed out because they're tired in my room and I'm wide awake because its' the one point in my drunken faze where I feel the need to spill everything that I think about without a single bit of a filter....

The sincerity, the politeness, the generosity? Where did it go? I feel almost as though one day I woke up to a whole new world, one that wasn't magic, and one I felt I should not be living in. It sometimes feels like it's impossible to have a conversation with a stranger without feeling it's necessary to censor your opinions, or tell them to shut up after asking/saying something inappropriate....

It’s coming so fast, Tuesday is. I really don’t think I’m ready for graduating, even the unofficial graduation. Although I have another few weeks left, it doesn’t mean it’s symbolic for something much larger. It symbolizes letting go of the hand, taking your first leap, getting your first kill. But oh, if only it were as simple as saying goodbye and taking a flight out of the nest, or...

What happens? Where do you go? When your heart stops beating, can you feel it? How can the doctors tell you that the person on the table didn’t feel anything, didn’t feel the table slip away from their skin and the air become stale in their very lungs? Have they been there: felt their heart stop beating, their muscles relax and the world slowly fade to black or white or whatever fucking color...

I'm so confused about absolutely nothing. Just like every other time, I've sent myself into a spiral whilst intoxicated about things that don't really matter. I always tell myself one thing and then talk myself into another. I want to live in the moment, but I'm always worrying about the next, I'm worrying about the why, I'm worrying about the meanings. I'm worried I made a choice that has brought...

Last night kind of opened my eyes. Sure it was a blast, but I'm thinking over it tonight (after having removed that veil that I hide behind) and I'm starting to think differently. I'm not sure if I've covered all my thoughts with another veil, or if I've merely moved the already existing one, but I'm seeing things in a different light. I'm questioning what I should do, or who I am.. I'm...

Once again, I'm sitting in my room, wondering why I'm not everything I wish I could be. Sometimes I believe that we can implant the talent into our minds, nurture it, and make it grow into something beautiful. But sometimes, I wonder if it really is genetic, if our minds really are restricted to what we were born with. I wish I could rise above these addictions, both physical and mental, and just...

I hate it when you click something by accident and it deletes everything you just wrote.Ughh. This is going to be a pathetic re-write, but I hate to sleep sometime tonight.Well, basically I'm freaking out over graduation. But I'm excited becuase I might actually get a dress that looks good. I went shopping for one today and I hated every single one I tried on. So I came home tonight and went...