Wow. I wish it wasn't so hard to deal with my cousin passing away 5 months ago. I mean, I really loved her. I was just so close to her. And I wont get to see her on New Years nd Christmas. It was all okay until my friend's dad passed away Sunday. He started spillin his guts to me and I just couldn't take it. I know exactly how he feels. It felt like I lost a sister. But she's watchin my back. But...

Today makes a month that Chelsea passed. It really doesn't feel like that long. I just wish I got to see her and tell her that I love her and sh's more than a cousin, more than a best friend, she's my big sister. I can't wait until I can see her again. I know she's in a better place. She's catching up with Pa Pa Johnny. I know she's talking to my little sister, Brittany, that would have been...

It's hard to go on like nothing happened. I see people everywhere at school with a smile on their faces. I walk around faking a smile and pretending I'm okay. I just wish Chelsea leaving was some sick, twisted nightmare and I could just wake up and get on the computer and tell her hey and that I love her and that I would try to get Daddy to take me down there. I just wish for once I could be...