Do you remember when I got back last summer?Every single late night phone call, trying not to wake Mimi and PawPaw up laughingOr crying. Whatever it was. Every single "I miss you"Every single "I'll be back in two weeks—ten days—tomorrow"And the day I got back I called you"I'm home, get your ass to the bus stop NOW"And I saw you and I ran faster than I ever haveScreaming your nameI was so...

You'll probably never realize the kinds of things you haven't seen in what you're reading. I'll bet when you read that notebook you'll miss some things you didn't pay attention to, and you'll probably read it one time and be terrified of me, or you'll read it a thousand times and still not understand how I could be that messed up, how I could keep myself from seeing the beauty in the world, but I...

I don't know why I chase you. I probably never will. You're always just a little out of reach, a little too far. There enough to call me, tempt me, but gone enough I'll never get you back. I feel like a dog chasing a car, but I'm only running at fifteen miles an hour and you're still going twenty.I don't know why I love you. I probably never will. But I know that every time I see your face, mine...

Take him and care for him and love him like no one should be able to, because I am not that person and I never will be. I serve a different role. It's selfish and cruel of me to try and hold him from you. Don't think it's because I care about you, I don't. But I care about him more than anyone will ever understand. And when you're that close to someone, when you can feel their heart breaking and...

To You,I'm sitting here and realizing the full extent of what's really happened to us. Realizing that I have no one on your level anymore. No one I can talk to about everything we ever did. I'm in a situation right now that I want to go somewhere and cry for days, and the only person I want to cry to is YOU and YOU ARENT HERE ANYMORE. I miss you so much. I miss you so FUCKING much and I don't know...