Ever since I had Dean I've been really hard on myself. I hardly look at myself in the mirror these days because I can't stand how I look. I know that's terrible, but it's the truth. I gained a lot of weight, and even though I haven't gained any weight since I had him, I haven't lost any either. It's starting to really bother me. I didn't think that it would take this long to slim back down.It's...

I wish I could tell you that I'm happy for you, and that your baby boy is beautiful and that I'm glad you got out okay. But I'm terrified to do so. I think you were great for us, we all think that actually, and I wanted to thank you for that. But you have a new life now, a new family, and we were forgotten so easily that I'm scared you don't even remember us.I wish I could tell you that I miss our...

Regardless of the fact that I woke up in a very very swell mood this morning due to the rain and the break from extremely hot weather, my day has boiled down to not that great. Though I didn't do much at all, I've felt miserable all day and there hasn't been anything I can do to fix it. Which blows. I have a ton of school work to do and I'm not sure how to do it, so it's not really getting done. I...

I haven't been on this site in a while due to a lack of internet, and computer. But I recently moved and my neighbors have wifi that I'm kind of borrowing, and I bought a laptop over the summer to help me with school related things. I don't know why I've decided to come on here to get things off my mind, but I don't really feel like I have any where else to go to talk. And I'm not even sure what I...

I whimpered. I might have screamed but I'm not positive, I barely remember fighting, I barely remember breathing. I remember all of him though, every inch, every second. Every drop of sweat from his face down to my body, every time his arm muscles expanded while holding me down, and every time I wished he would stop. You can't imagine the pain of that night, without experiencing it first. And I...

My legs when I run, can move so fast. I remember running with my class one time, and just moving, and my mind was racing, but my legs didn’t stop. I ran ahead of everyone, and I finished before them, and I couldn’t breathe. I had to sit down, and try to take deep breaths. My lungs were burning because they couldn’t handle the strain, and I hadn’t noticed that while I was running. But when...

As the water dripped from my face, I watched over you as you lay there on the cold, wet, cement. I thought about what you might have thought before you left, before your life was over. I wonder if you gave any consideration to what might happen when someone found you like that. I wiped my face, I felt like I was crying, but I couldn’t tell if it was just the rain, or fleeing tears. You looked so...

I’m exhausted, and even though I know what today brings I can’t bring myself to sleep. I know that doing so won’t fix anything. I’ll still be exhausted, and sleeping will only cause panic, and distress. The nightmares have come back, I don’t know how to stop them. Nothing puts them at ease. I fear that I’ll forever be imprisoned in my mind, not only when I’m awake, but also while...

While I was in the hospital I told everyone that taking those pills was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. That was a lie. Of course it was. I wanted those pills to kill me, and just because they didn’t doesn’t mean that I was miraculously cured. I went to that hospital wishing that my mother had given me a hug good-bye, and hating myself for not succeeding when I wanted it so badly. I...

I often think of my life as a book. I think of it as pages being turned by someone, and they are reading how I feel, and feeling the same things that I am, with me. They’re crying with me, and living with me. They laugh when I do. They understand how I feel, because the words in the book explain it so well. And at night when I’m lying bed, I’m not alone, and when I wake from a bad dream,...

I've hurt myself more than I've hurt anyone, but I know that I will never feel it the way that they will. I don't care about myself, in anyway. I don't think that I, as a person, deserve any of the good things that I have, friends, or otherwise.But today, just now, I think I've finally realized how much hurting myself could hurt so many others. And even though I think about suicide often, my...

Last night while I was laying in my bed wishing for something to make my fear of sleep pass, I was thinking about everything that has happened, and how it all changed me so much. It changed everything, but it all seems to revolve around how much I've changed that made the other things change. I was thinking about how horribly everything has turned out. And I didn't know that I was crying until my...

I'm an insomniac, so when the world is sleeping, I'm awake over-thinking and over-analyzing everything. I find flaws in perfect things, and I worry more than I breathe. My life has left with me images and thoughts I wish I could give back. I've grown up more in the past two years than most do in a life time. I care, even though most think I don't.I don't know a lot about people, I hardly even know...

Everything about what happened is my fault.I should have seen that coming.and honestly you should have just backed the fuck off.I can not believe I trusted you, with anything.I will not forgive you, but I don't hate you.It's not all your faultI can take the blame.I really should've seen that coming, but at least these happy songs are lifting my spirits.The music, if loud enough, drowns out my...

I know I'm not invisible. I know that my presence bothers you and sets something boiling in your blood. I don't know why you choose to ignore me and be little me the way you do, and I don't know how much more I can take. I've lost too much in such a short time, my strength is dwindling and holding myself up is an exhausting task.There's only a certain amount that a person can go through before...

I'm torturing myself, blaming myself.I tell myself that it's all my fault, and that I just did something wrong.I never blamed you, I've always stuck up for you.Even after the nightmares.I thought that if I did this, you would still love me.That you would still accept me.That you would forgive me for telling.but right now, I know that none of that will happen.You don't love me.and if you did,...

"I was dangling over the edge, screaming, kicking, with strangers' hands holding me in place. They almost dropped me right before they brought me back up. It all happened very fast, before I knew it I was on the ground with blood everywhere. I wasn't in my body, I was viewing all this from a different view, but I knew these were my eyes. Everyone was bustling around me now, circling me, trying to...