emstx

I plan to major in psychology and creative writing. Yes, writing is my chosen profession. I've always been one to tell stories and scribble in notebooks. Which actually might mean I'm more prone to schizophrenic tendencies. Yippie.

My parents are divorced (separated since I was two). My dad lives in the Caribbean and my mom lives in New Mexico. My dad was born in Zambia in 1958, so I can actually say that I'm African American, being that he was born in Africa and that makes him African...or perhaps that would make him Afrikan...? Actually, no. That wouldn't work because then his parents would've had to been Dutch and living in South Africa, which they weren't. Ah....I've just gone in a circle. To put it simply, I'm the color of white paint, though I wish I wasn't.

Anyway, I'm really into a lot of things. I used to do Tae Kwon Do for six years, but I had to stop when I didn't have enough time to dedicate to it anymore. I sailed during the summers in the Caribbean for four years. Nothing big, just a sunfish, but it's fun to race them. I'm PADI certified for 'Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus' (SCUBA) diving, and do so when I visit my dad. Yeah, I'm spoiled when it comes to what I've experienced, but not when considering material things.

I could've sworn I've done something like this before...hmm...let me find it....ha! There it is:

When I found out what my full name actually meant, I found it described me quite well in almost every aspect. I am quite industrious in my work and often put it before entertainment and leisure time, however I have learned that ‘all work and no play’ makes me quite tense and uncomfortable to be around. I had to actually learn to allow myself to relax, but not to an extent where I am not doing any homework at all or failing any of my classes. The ‘clerk’ portion of my name also makes sense, because I am fairly good at math and thinking logically, as well as thinking abstractly within my work.

The interesting thing about both my middle names is that they both have to do with plants and although I dislike taking care of plants myself, I enjoy looking at them and being amongst them. In fact, one of my ancestors from the early 1700s was the King of England’s gardener, which might explain my attraction to plants, but not my dislike toward taking care of them.

Though, my entire name describes me fairly well, I strongly dislike my first name, Emily. It is so unbelievably common, that my friends and I with the same name had to number ourselves, so that our other friends wouldn’t get confused. It was because of this that I became known as Emily # 2 or I as like to play it off as, Emily the Second, since it sounds more formal.

However, my first name isn’t the only of my names that irritates me. I was so overcome in elementary that my last name didn’t sound like all the other names in class, that I hyphenated one of my middle names to connect it to my last one; hence in school I am known as, ‘Rhoades-Clark’, instead of just, ‘Clark’. This mistake often haunts me, since I cannot remember if I am ‘Clark’ in one place or ‘Rhoades-Clark’ in another. However, it suits its purpose since although there are a few Emily Clarks in the world, there are even fewer Emily Rhoades-Clarks.

And here is another one:

Sanity is a thing that the insane dream about, but insanity is a thing that the sane dread with every fiber of their being. But who knows which to dread and which to dream? I am often thought insane by many a person, but I assure you I am very sane.

I am sane in such a way that defies the very thoughts of sanity. I am positive that I was not always thought of as insane by those around me, but that was when I cared what they thought. I was so consumed with the thought of conformity that I doubt I had any true friends. I was very self-centered and self-absorbed when this was going on, but now I do not care for their thoughts and for this they deem me a bit touched in the head. If I do become touched in the head, it will be that I most certainly will be so; with no care in the world and no thoughts of conformity, who wouldn’t be ‘a bit touched in the head?’

And with such a life I will be insane, but for now I am sane, or so much so, that I empathize with those that rationalize me in such a way that I am not. However, I see them and I see their sympathy for me for being outside of the norm. But I cannot see their logic in this matter for I will be as free as I wish, but not to boast or anything; I’m sure those that think my sanity, insane, can figure something out for themselves if they’d just let go. Let go of their attachment to conformity, and they can be like me. And who wouldn’t want conformity on my level, for it is not conformity, but inconformity, to which they are conforming.