Drizzle. / Comments

Oh, but I would love to do it in real life. Lol.

No, this was one of the social workers the other day. She asked me how I planned to take care of the kids if I was still in high school. I’m not going to lie, I was confused as fuck at first. I had no idea what she was talking about. I just kinda sat there and told her that I was 23 and haven’t been in high school in five years. Lol.

I’m sorry that you had such a bad birthday. That kind of shit is why I just don’t celebrate my birthday. I haven’t celebrated one since I was 12. It’s just going to be bad anyways, ya know? I mean, there shouldn’t be any excuses for it, though. It was your birthday and it should had been celebrated and you should’ve had a good day and people should had been there for you. But I get what you mean about birthdays just making you feel more alone. If not alone exactly, it just reminds you how shitty and selfish the people in your life really are. It’s fucked up.

Oh, God, no. I’ve never wanted kids. I’ve pretty much had to raise Sarah’s kids anyways before this and that’s just not really be a goal in my life ever. [I]Not[/I] getting pregnant is a goal though. Lol. I don’t think I would be a good mom. I don’t have the right temperament for it nor the patience and I don’t want to make a kid grow up with the same shit I had to go through. So, that’s a big no.
We’re making sure they’re not going to go into the system by having them here. If she doesn’t pass this piss test, which I’m pretty sure that she won’t, they’ll give her thirty more days with the kids in our care, no questions asked and then test her again. She’s signed over rights until then. If she doesn’t pass that one, then it all goes to court and we’ll probably have them for a while until she get everything in her life straightened out and they say she can have them back. If she can have them back. Raine and I sat down and talked it out and we’re both willing to give up everything we have planned for our future to make sure the kids stay with us if it comes to that. Not really relishing that but if it comes down to it, I more than willing to do it. I hope it doesn’t and she can clean her shit up and get her kids back from us. It’s just stressful and overwhelming.
A girl she had living with her who has three kids moved out on bad terms. She wasn’t paying anything to live there and Sarah apparently finally kicked her out. I’m not sure that Mandy called them but Sarah is dead set that it was her that called and I really don’t doubt it because Mandy is a grade A fucking cuntbag and spiteful enough to do something shitty like that. I’ve seen her do mean and bitter things like that before to other people so… you never know. Then again, Sarah has pissed a lot of people off so who knows.

I don’t think that I’ve ever used a Mac and if I did, I didn’t notice. Haha.

I know. It’s probably some weird psychological thing that means I want to kill everyone in my day to day life but can’t. Which really sucks. There are some people that… lol.

I’ll probably just still be 21 maturity wise anyways so I doubt it’ll make that much of a difference and I’ll take it as a compliment by then. I had some woman ask me if I was still in high school the other day. I just kind of stared at her like, “I graduated high school five years ago.” I only remember that because my class wants to have a five year reunion in June which I will NOT be going to. That’s just fucking weird. I hated all of them in high school, why would five years of no contact change anything? But then she said something like she wished she had my ‘youthful genes’. I was a little freaked out but then again, I had no idea who the fuck she was.

Why was it a bad day?
Fuck yeah, my selection is limited. It’s either redneck country boys or wanna-be gangsta morons. Both piss me off. I don’t think I have a ’that side of me’ and if I do, it’s not come out in any relationship that I’ve been in. Then again, I wouldn’t count those as relationships. Lol. Ugh, the term ‘the perfect housewife’ scares the shit out of me and makes me want to vomit all at the same time. Which reminds me, I’m now a daddy. That sounded bad but Raine and I now have custody of my youngest niece and nephew and everyone has deemed me the ‘daddy‘. I’m so fucking pissed off about this but I’m not going to see them go into foster homes because my older sister can’t take care of them, ya know. It’s just, as soon as I think things settle down, more shit pours down. It was either we take them or the state was going to because someone called CPS on her and the social worker deemed her unfit. If she doesn’t pass the drug test, which she won’t, they’re going to take them. So, until she gets her shit together and stops with the drugs and all that other shit, we have the kids. The other two went with their dad and I don’t know how often we’re going to get to see them now. It’s a never ending parade of horseshit now.

Facebook craps out on me all the time. And fuck myspace... My God, it's a miracle that I even know how to use the computer, to be honest. I threaten my laptop all the time. lol.

I’ve thought about it. I usually kill people in my stories anyways. Not like it would be that much of a change of pace. XD
Shit, I don’t even remember the name to that story. I remember it though but I don’t remember the name. I think I’ve deleted since then when I stopped using Mibba. I killed just about everyone in that story, too. Lol. And thank you. I miss writing just gory shit. I think if I put up another one, that’s all it’s going to be about. I can write that with no problem. ;)

Oh, God, I’m not mature at all. I just don’t give that much of a fuck most of the time and people thankfully mistake it for maturity. And I’m glad you know how old I am. I can usually barely remember. Someone will ask how old I am and I’ll just give them a number in the 20’s. After 21, it really doesn’t matter much anyways so fuck it. Haha.

It’s your birthday or it’s coming up? Or it already passed? Well, anyways, happy birthday! Ugh, I’m not good with relationships. Obviously. I just try to stay away from them most of the time now. But as long as he is treating you well and you’re happy for the most part, then that’s pretty damn awesome. And to be honest, I don’t think anyone is truly psychologically prepared to a new handle a relationship if they care about it and the other person and if they say they are, then they’re probably just lying or just that fucking arrogant and don’t give a damn like I usually am so that’s normal to be freaking out a little bit.

That's why I always copy everything before I try to sumbit it. I wrote one hell of a long ass comment a while ago to Jinx and it didn't leave it and shit. I was pissed off and told her that I wasn't writing it again. Now, neither of us have any idea of what I tried to say all because of my attitude, short attention span and fucking mibba. haha.

Thanks. I have like, two more chapters written and after that, it's going to either be a fuck all or a free fall unless I can get out of my funk. Plus, I only have like eight readers on the story anyways and I imagine that they're all just friends like you, Scratch and Rhian or people who are afraid to talk to me so it's not like it's gonna matter anyways. That's probably a bad way to think about it but whatever. lol.

True. I don't know. Everytyhing is starting to work out or else I'm just blind and apathetic to most of it now. I don't really know. It could be either way but it's been kind of... quiet here lately. Everything with Grammie is pretty much taken care of. My older sister is still being all dramatic but that is normal and while I've been trying to be there for her, I've just been ignoring her petty shit and only being there for the bigger stuff. I can't handle her constant shit all the time so fuck it, ya know. How have you been?

Mmhmm. Fucker is going to get his.

Ah, you're welcome, man.

Yeeeah. lol. No, but then again, I haven't tried it. That just seems like a lot of work to me when I could just sit here, not do it and ignore the writers block. That sounds like a better idea to me. XD

Yeah, me, too. I was hoping that she'd come out of it okay which she did so that take a lot of pressure of everything else.

Oh, and Brandi is fine now. She went to the doctor's the other day and they said that there was very little scar tissue which was what everyone was worried about and everything like the spinal fluid and shit is moving just fine to her brain now. Sorry. I just remembered that you asked when I was getting lunch while I was talking to her and then I realized that I was a dumbass and forgot to tel you. lol.

No, someone else for hurting her.

Oh. Well, you can always talk to me if you want to about it. Just send me a p.m. so no one else can see it and you don't have to air your shit out for everyone, ya know.

It literally has no direction at all. I got ideas. I always have ideas but like all of my ideas, they're probably bad and will get me into trouble. lol. Like, I know where I want to go with it but I'm not sure how to get there. I think I like the idea of her writing in like, a journal thing and that's what everyone is reading. It would make sense that way, I hope.

And it just got worse. There's some... things going on with my niece. And I'm very pissed off about it so if you don't hear from me soon, I'm in jail for murder. lol. But seriously, there are few people that I would really like to put in the ground...

I'm sorry to hear that. Can't you decide who you want to live with now? It's like 16 to be able to choose, right?

Ah, thank you. I'm not even sure were the fuck that story is going. I haven't wrote anything for in like two weeks with all the constant shit that's going. And, ya know, writers fucking block. Goddamn writers block.

Dude, the last month has been fuckin horrendous, to be honest. I’m not even kidding. Between my mom’s bullshit, my sister Sarah’s bullshit and then with my grandmother dying last week… I’m just sick of everything. I want to hide in my bed and never come out.

Buuut… how are you?

Haha. I just kinda looked down at it and glared. It was a pretty sad moment. Lol.

Meh. I kinda would like to move but right now, I can’t. All my reasons sound like cop outs but I honestly do feel like my parents and one fucking sister need me more than I need my dreams right now. I don’t know how I would feel if I moved and something happened because I wasn’t here. Maybe in like a year but not right now. And the sad fucking part is that I know I will probably say that in a year from now. I’m just going to have to come to the realization that I’m too much of a realist and that it’s never going to happen unless I drop all the responsibilities that I have and just say fuck it which is something that I refuse to do because I’m stubborn as hell. Jesus Christ, I’m morose tonight…

Your dad is fucking humongous. That’s fucked up. Lol.
You might grow, dude. You still have time. I did. I was the shortest person in my class for the longest time and then I grew a foot over the summer before my junior year. It was the only growth spurt I had.

I don’t know. I think asterisk is a weird word in general. Judgmental is missing it’s ‘e’ and misspelled is normal to me, I guess. Fuck the red squiggly line. Lol. I misspell words all the time. I spilt beer on my laptop’s keyboard last summer and ever since then, certain buttons stick so I end up with a shit ton of incorrect words. It’s not me. The keyboard is drunk. XD

I take pictures of everything, too, so I can upload some of them on the internet but I still won’t get rid of the original. It’s weird.
I wanna see the picture. And the masks. What do they look like?

Yeah, but I want to be the best tattoo artist that I can be so I want proper training. Plus, if you train yourself, most tattoo shops won’t let you in. It’s considered mutilation then. Just like with piercing. And about half of the process is the apprentice being the shop bitch basically to make sure they’re there for the right reasons and shit which I’m more than willing to do if I get to learn how to tattoo. It is hard to be a girl. That’s why I got turned away from the shop down the road. It’s changing and shit but girls take so much more shit than guys wanting to get in.

Ah, fuck weight gain. I honestly could give two shits if I gain weight or not. I’m not trying to impress anyone. Lol.

I went to two different high schools. The first one was a kind of large one and the last one was a tiny school. I would be paranoid to teach at the first one but the second one, no problem. Lol. I think it would all depend on the size of the high school and the temperament of the people in the area for me.

I guess. It’s a little less morbid which for me is a rare way of thinking. A positive way of thinking would be to think that nothing bad is ever going to happen which is stupid and naïve. To think that way is just idiotic with our species.

I have a problem with selling any original. They’re kind of like children in way. If I didn’t grow so attached to them, I’d try to sell the shit out of them. XD
Yeah, I know he has shows. Which piece was it?
I’ve wanted to be a tattoo artist since I was 8 years old. The only problem with that is that here, there are only two shops close to me and no one wants to take on a new apprentice. I get the same conversation every time I go in. “You have a really good and strong portfolio but right now, I just can’t have a new person in here.” It fucking sucks. If I have such a ’good’ portfolio, then why the hell can’t you take the chance? I mean, I can understand where they’re coming from but it’ the only thing that I’ve ever really wanted to be. I’m sick of doing shit, manual labor, odd jobs. I want to do something that makes me happy and short of working in a nonexistent instrument store, that’s the only thing that will do it for me. I could always go up to Cincinnati and try but it’s an hour and 15 minutes away. With my car, that’s just not going to happen. The fucker would break down more than it already does. I’d move up there if I could to try up there though.
Oh, I’m friends with all of the punks and Goths around here. There’s three of us. Lol. No, there’s a bit more but not a lot. I know where they all are. XD

It was weird. The next morning, I got up and my sister’s cookbook was out on the table opened up to the peanut butter cookie page. It had fallen off the shelf onto the table. I took it as a sign to make the damn cookies and enjoy the deliciousness. ;D

Every time I hear ‘Mother of God’ I think of Super Troopers. Then I think about the first time that I watched it. I was so high and when they did the ‘littering and’ part, it echoed and the people had surround sound so it made it worse. I freaked the fuck out and started looking around all confused and paranoid.
Fucking Mibba…

I always called it bomb 101 when I was in school. It is a horrible class to teach teenagers. It’s like giving someone a gun and telling them not to fire it. That’s some nice trust they have in their hormonal and angst y students.

Right. Most of the time, I want to be informed and shit but like you said, you shouldn’t stress over something you have no control over. Like, it’s good to know about. Knowledge is power and whatever but it’s terrifying and I got enough bullshit to deal with without the added stress. So, fuck it. If the end comes like that, I’ll probably be dead before I know what’s going on. And that is a shitty way to think. I think I need to reevaluate myself but whatever…

I wish I was in art school but I can’t afford it and I won’t get much monetary aid anyways. Except maybe student loans but I know I can’t pay that shit back. I’ll be in even more debt for the rest of my life and it’s not really worth it. I don’t know who would want anything I make. Unless they were decorating a crypt. If the dead were in for some buyage, then maybe I’d have some customers. Haha. But I’m just fucking around. It passes the time and makes me happy.
Yeah. I know I wouldn’t be able to go through what she’s gone through. I might be a hard ass but everything that she’s been through is just ridiculous. I’m proud of her.

Ahahaha! Good. Now, go bake me some fucking cookies! No, I’m just kidding but if you are making some cookies… XD

Mine's just because it overheats. I need to get one of those stands that have a fan under it but I keep forgetting. I've only had the thing fro about a year now. It shouldn't be fucking up but ya never know. Fucking computers...

Well, that's good. I think I only failed two classes the whole time I was in high school. I got a 97% overall in Chem class. I related most everything to bombs... Didn't tell my teacher that though. I already had behavior issues. Didn't need that on the record. lol. Kind of random but what grade are you in?
I'm not into all that stuff. It just worries me or pisses me off and why add the stress? Like, I've read some of it but I'd just rather not get into it.

I'm good. Just been drawing. I was trying to paint for the pass few days because I quite frankly suck ass at painting but I went back to grayscale. It's easier for me and I enjoy it more. Other than that, nothing else has really been going on.
She's doing great. Thank you for asking. She came home and has been healing pretty well. She's still having some trouble with pain and getting around but they cut the back of her head open so I mean, that's to be expected a little. She's doing better than they thought she would. Tough little cookie...
Now, I want cookies. Peanut butter cookies. XD

Oh, shit. I'm sorry that I didn't comment back. I was meaning to but my laptop fucking overheated and turned itself of so I boycotted it for an hour and then came and forgot. But hey, at least it wasn't mibba fucking up my comments. So, I guess there's always that.

But anyways... how are you today?

Yeah, I realized that I was following you right after I sent the comment. Lol. Sorry about that. I’m not exactly all that… bright sometimes.

That’s how high school was for me. People only wanting to be my friend because they thought I would protect them from other people. I guess that’s my fault because I didn’t put up with shit from anyone and the people that picked on them, tried to pick on me and I threw some punches. I didn’t mind exactly but I tried to stay away from the people who were just there for protection. I only had about ten good friends the whole time I was in high school and I rather have it that way than a shit load of fake friends.

Haha. I’m almost 23 years old. I can’t use the 16 excuse anymore. Lol. I’m just weird. That’s all I got to go on now.

We had maybe 380 kids in the whole high school at best. I always stood out like a sore thumb. There was the occasional poser or whatever but most of them were just country. I don’t really like that word poser. I think if that’s how they want to be seen for the most part, then they have a little bit of that deep down inside. Maybe not a lot but at least a little bit. They’re looking to rebel in some way and that’s the easiest way to do so, ya know? Any type of rebellion is like a lullaby for me. They’re probably annoying as fuck though… I don’t know who any of those bands are except Brokencyde. I like two of their songs. I’m wearing skinny jeans right now. XD They’re black though. I won’t wear bright colors. I wear them with my combat boots and leather jacket for the old punk style from the 80s. I need a new leather jacket. It’s all worn out.

You don’t pierce anyone, right? That shit is dangerous.
Why are you getting death threats?

I usually copy it before I send it because Tumblr just pisses me off. It's always going down. What's your tumblr?

I do, too. I don't like a lot of people in real life. They're assholes and most of them have nothing in common with me which just leaves awkward silence and me brooding. The only reason they want to hang out with me is because I apparently represent 'danger' to them and not because they want to be actual friends with me. Hanging out with me is like an adventure for them. They're not there for me, just for the ride and that pisses me off. So, fuck 'em. I can have a good time without them. I got Raine and as sad as it might sound, all I need is my little sister. She’s a bitch but she there for me and not for what I might do or say.
Thank you. She's home now and in a lot of pain but it all went well and the doctors have high hopes so that's good. Plus, she’s got pain meds and I think that makes her happy at the moment. Lol. I need to call over there today to see how she's doing and to talk to Raine. I haven’t talked to her in about four days and she’s going to tear me a new ass. Might as well get it over with.

Fucking Kentucky… lol. I love it here, don't get me wrong. This place is my home and I like how secluded it is but the damn people, man. I'd be really happy here if it wasn't for most of them. It's like, I'm different than you. So what? I don't make of you for your overly tight Levis and flannels. Don't make fun of me for what I wear. I could give two shits about most of these people so why do they care what I‘m wearing? I want to move to a city of some sort for the people‘s just general indifference towards everyone else. Maybe Cincinnati or Louisville but I know even there, I'm going to get the occasional asshole. It'd still be better than here but fuck. Most of my dad’s family lives in Cinci so I go up there occasionally and no one even gives me a passing look. I don’t want to be invisible but I don’t want to be so visible, if that makes sense. I’m in a mood. I’ve been drinking coffee all day and painting so… Just pardon the weirdness. XD
What the fuck? Your friends are dicks, dude. They need to go fuck themselves. I would had punched one of my friends if they said something like that to me. They can think it, what the fuck ever but to actually say it is just rude and dickish.
Right? It's like, you'd be more attractive if you weren't so close minded and ignorant. I hate most people so much. lol.

Oh, and thanks for the picture comment. I just now realized that I had one... lol.
I get that all the time anyways. I'll be walking through the store and people will say shit like that. Like, "She'd be pretty if she didn't have all those piercings." I'll just turn around and get them a dirty look. One really old ady said something like that and my dad was with me. He stopped and asked her why I wasn't pretty with them and she just kinda stuttered. I laughed so hard. XD

Yeah, it did that to me the other day. I got pissed off and shut the lid to my laptop. They've changed the private messages up now too. It's not really all that different. Just different enough to piss you off.

It went good. She was only in surgery for about four hours and came home yesterday. She's in a lot of pain but other than that, she's doing good.

I don't think I've ever been on a mac. lol.

I went through the same things when I stopped. You're ahead of the curve, you know? So, the people who are behind aren't going to understand. They hopefully will when they get older. Some of them won't but that's just how things go. At the end of the day, you're the only one that's got to be okay and happy with what you're doing or not doing. As long as you're cool with being clean, then that's all that matters.
Very much so. It has it's faults but not nearly as much as everything does.

I'm not sure. I think so like, gene wise but I don't think it started or flaired up until a little while ago. Thank you. That means a lot to me and I know it will mean a lot to her. I hope it goes smoothly too.