I actually really liked this poem a lot. It starts out pretty slow in the first few lines, but then it evolves into a really beautiful metaphor. It was not as descriptive as you usually write, and less specific, so it gets a little vague. But as the poem goes on, it builds up in intensity in a really great way. Maybe thats what you were going for? If so, I suggest you start the poem more strongly and use even more powerful images from there. But it ends in a really wonderful way, which is very important. I absolutely love the metaphor you are using, just try to color it and bring it out more. Make it more destinct. Overall, great poem :) YET again!!!
June 17th, 2009 at 08:53pm