Past My Lungs... - Comments

I REALLYYYY like this one. Theres no pattern to it, and that's what I like about it. Sometimes the poems that you write that don't seem to make sense at the time are the best. =]

I actually love the...uhm...chaotic way in which it is written. It has no system, but still it makes sense, ya know?
Maybe you could touch up on it a little, but all in all, I think it's good ^^

I like the feeling of it. It's good =)

Thanks very much to all!! <3

I like the jerky, chaotic feel of it
how the sentences don't flow because she can't breathe properly
great idea

It was alright, but try to make it so that you aren't talking or explaining word for word what you're feeling. Metephores and similies are always good. =]

It was okay :| It needs a bit of fixing-upping though.