October 18th, 2007 at 06:57pm
This was really amazing. The whole concept of the poem was very artistic, and your overall analogy with the little doll girl.
One thing though. If you're NOT going to rhyme in the beginning, then stick with that. Because towards the beginning I figured "ok it's a free-verse poem" but then you started to rhyme in later on verses. It's just not nearly as good as it could be if you keep switching the rhyming on and off.
and maybe you could split that first paragraph thing up into two paragraphs. The rest of the structure has four lines in each paragraph, but hte first paragraph has eight lines. Wouldn't it make sense to split that in half?
Ok that's all the criticism. It was amazing. Loved it!! awesome job. =D =D =D
I’ve done that many times simply because I like the rhythm rhymes can create but at the same time I don’t want forced rhymes. You say it doesn’t rhyme in the beginning, but the first stanza has a rhyme. It’s the second one that doesn’t. The poem has a rhyming pattern, just because one uses rhyme doesn’t mean that all lines have to rhyme. And it’s only the second and third that breaks away from that pattern. Personally I don’t see how this makes the poem less good but if that’s your opinion it’s fine with me. I’m just glad you’re honest and that you give constructive criticism.
I can see how that would make sense. But I’m not gonna change it because that would make the last part would seem so disjointed. It’s also sort of a style I have, to make irregular poem structures. I like it that way :)
Again, thank you. And don’t get me wrong, I like the constructive criticism and will keep what you said in mind for future poems.
[quote="falling not flying"]You are great. :mrgreen:[/quote]Thanks :D