Simple wording and a fast pace.
I liked it, but the second stanza lost the pattern I would have expected on the third line. This could be a positive thing, but to me it ruined the poem slightly, and resulted in a disjointed effect that was more messy than artistic.
But otherwise, the fast pace created an almost desperate quality, along with the avoidance of pretentious wording. As I said (I'm good at repeating myself ^_^), simple and fast. But quite effective.
I liked it. It was pretty good. It was sort of choppy, though. Each line seemed almost detached from the one before and after it. But overall, it was pretty good.
I liked it, but the second stanza lost the pattern I would have expected on the third line. This could be a positive thing, but to me it ruined the poem slightly, and resulted in a disjointed effect that was more messy than artistic.
But otherwise, the fast pace created an almost desperate quality, along with the avoidance of pretentious wording. As I said (I'm good at repeating myself ^_^), simple and fast. But quite effective.