Let me begin by saying nice job. Let me then follow that by WHY HAVE YOU NOT POSTED ANY MORE POEMS IN FOUR MONTHS?
Now, what I liked best:
Not this life God has given me
leave you, my mind, and my sanity
Those words struck me deep. I wish that came from my pen.
Second I like your way of playing around with words. Your imagery and just your style of writing. Nice job.
Now the constructive criticism. With in is actually within.
Second I think this soul flow better with Stanzas. I see very distinct sections and I personally feel you should add them in. Third there are just a couple where I could see you struggled to rhyme with. My suggestion is to edit a few lines out. Like I said there were only a couple, but even one loose line can subtract quite a bit from even the most amazing masterpiece. My suggestion: if you have trouble rhyming it drop it. Of course, if it's something you really want to add you CAN sneak one or two unrhymed lines in as long as it's not more that one or two for every 10-15 lines.
Overall, great job. I really do look foreword to seeing you grow more
And more as a writer. I hope this comment was helpful in some way. Sorry if some
Parts are weird. Itouch autocorrect is stupid and keeps changing what I write.
Now, what I liked best:
Not this life God has given me
leave you, my mind, and my sanity
Those words struck me deep. I wish that came from my pen.
Second I like your way of playing around with words. Your imagery and just your style of writing. Nice job.
Now the constructive criticism. With in is actually within.
Second I think this soul flow better with Stanzas. I see very distinct sections and I personally feel you should add them in. Third there are just a couple where I could see you struggled to rhyme with. My suggestion is to edit a few lines out. Like I said there were only a couple, but even one loose line can subtract quite a bit from even the most amazing masterpiece. My suggestion: if you have trouble rhyming it drop it. Of course, if it's something you really want to add you CAN sneak one or two unrhymed lines in as long as it's not more that one or two for every 10-15 lines.
Overall, great job. I really do look foreword to seeing you grow more
And more as a writer. I hope this comment was helpful in some way. Sorry if some
Parts are weird. Itouch autocorrect is stupid and keeps changing what I write.