The Runaway - Comments

Gave me shivers as I read it. I felt like the beginning was a little rough but once you hit about the fourth stanza it just flowed beautifully, and just gets better as it rolls onward with a great concluding two stanzas. I really do like this poem. As far as how scary this poem is, some of the other poems I've read have been more gory or monster filled. I feel like yours is more of a psychological thriller, which scare me more anyways. Great poem, honestly don't believe it was your first one, maybe your first poem to post here, but if this is honestly your first poem then dayum boy, you got yourself a gift.

First poem? WE HAVE FOUND THE CHOSEN ONE!! lol. Seriously though. Nice work! Very nice flow.

okay sorry it's taken me a while to critique your entry but the wrong has been righted because I'm critiquing it now :)

For this entry the moral I got from this was the common, "be careful what you wish for because sometimes the grass isn't always greener on the otter side of the fence." Over all it was really good. Oh also, this poem kind of reminds me of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe with the tone and the mood.

The beginning makes me think of the human nature to want what they think they need when really they have more than they give themselves credit for.

Then the symbolic little girl in the white gown (beautiful imagery) acts as an embodiment for literally "when opportunity comes a knocking." The shame in her voice gives me the impression that she knows that what she'll give them will only end up benefitting no one. But either she's the type of person who can't help but give, or she just doesn't realize the seriousness of the damages she's doing.

The symbolic little girl in white (beautiful imagery) acts literally as an embodiment for "when opportunity comes a knocking." The white color of her dress, no surprise, makes me think of innocence and purity and how the opportunity seems so promising. That is until it the white becomes stained with marks that can't be erased.

And for a while everything is pink and rosy for a while. The person's obtained everything they could ever dream up. But then, since it's human nature to want more and more and more, they start to destroy themselves with their desire to be number one. Hence the title runaway because once you've let that little girl in, what happens next is 80% out of that person's control.

Once the ruin of the person she's benefitting is complete she leaves in search of another kind person to let her in. The more I think about it she doesn't mean to hurt people, but she just can't help it. She doesn't know how to stop giving. Sort of like it's all she knows or something.

The ending basically says, "if you don't believe this tale, then just you wait for when she arrives on your doorsteps."

Very well done, I enjoyed the rhyming scheme because it really made the poem twice s good as it already is :) Hope my critique was close to the meaning you were trying to drive home!

Good luck and best of wishes!

I like the emotion here and the way you tell the story. The way it rhymes and flows sound great and I love the truth of it.
Great job.

I am judging for the contest :D I love this poem. The rhyme fits together really well, and the content is pretty unique. Nicely written and a powerful story. You haven't broken any rules and the grammer and spelling is pretty good. I love this poem, great job!

If you would like to know what points you got, please message me and I'll tell you :) Check into the contest to see who won soon!

Holy Shit.
This is amazing.
It left me speechless and haunted me for days after...

wow i love it