I Want Your Last Name - Comments

ok, you almost had me in tears and this is me we're talking about. that kinda describes the way i have felt about someone and, sometimes, still do. i knew you wrote poems but i didnt know you were so good.

My only real criticism of this is your line "It's getting so hard to join the dots". It doesn't flow as well as the rest of the poem but if you changed it to something like "It's getting so hard to connect the dots" that one word change can make a big difference sometimes. On the other hand, I really liked your last stanza, it ties up the poem nicely and gets your point across without coming right out and saying it

This poem is amateurish. It isn't good, but it isn't bad either.
"I'm not going to hide it anymore
Baby, you're the one that I adore."
Those lines are very poor, and they spoil the rest of the poem. I advise you to keep on writing, but to also read a few poems by Emily Dickinson. Once you become familiar with her work - the way she writes and the style that she writes in - you will see the light; you will write like no other!

Wow! I love it!

I L.O.V.E this poem it was so carefully written and expressed the thoughts feelings and pictures clearly, telling the whole backround of the story in a few words. What I love the most is the meaning, the hidden long-lasted love thats obviously been a secret until now. Love It!!!!