I Wish You Knew - Comments

  • Sierra Kusterbeck

    Sierra Kusterbeck (100)

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    I was confused at first, before I realized that it was two different points of view- then I just felt stupid. XD

    I really liked the interwoven perspectives, as well as the clear emotion that you can see from both. The fact that you used an aabb-type rhyming pattern rather than an abab pattern also adds a little more. Not that I have anything against abab, but in this case, I think it works better as aabb.

    I also like that you managed to communicate the same feelings without being redundant (the last two lines obviously not being counted).

    You did a really good job. :]
    April 16th, 2011 at 03:07am
  • Sherri-O

    Sherri-O (100)

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    I like this one.
    March 10th, 2011 at 05:09am
  • Heartbreakwarefare

    Heartbreakwarefare (100)

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    I love this onee ( :
    March 10th, 2011 at 12:43am
  • icomein_peace

    icomein_peace (100)

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    awww, I thought this was reaallly cute :)
    I loved it :)
    February 13th, 2011 at 11:16pm
  • imbalance

    imbalance (100)

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    I am judging for the contest :D

    What I liked: Practically everything! The way you do the different points of view in each different line is written beautifully. It's like you wrote it with someone else, and I love that. The way it rhymed was perfect - it just flowed and nothing seemed forced.

    What I disliked: Umm...nothing...except maybe the last lines should be made into a four line stanza like the rest, with the "I wish he knew, I wish she knew.." put into longer lines or something, if you understand that. Just a suggestion..I was trying to find something to dislike..hehe :)
    February 12th, 2011 at 05:39am
  • Clock.Work

    Clock.Work (100)

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    I love it.
    February 12th, 2011 at 01:04am
  • BUKWEET55

    BUKWEET55 (100)

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    agreed lovin the rhyme scheme and how theres two points of view line after line and... its almost so real.. like thats how it happens lol good work look forward to reading more :)
    January 27th, 2011 at 04:03pm
  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    Rhyming is a big win, honestly. The sentences rhyme without seeming far too obvious, like some do.
    And the different point of views, dear god, that made this poem even more good. Both sides of the poem seen, every other line, it makes the poem. You have such good talent.
    January 26th, 2011 at 10:02pm
  • Roseh; believe

    Roseh; believe (330)

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    This was lovely.

    I really liked the way you placed the points of view of the boy and the girl next to each other, interwoven together. It really shows the attraction between them and how well they would both go together in a relationship.

    I also love how you've rhymed your poem. It sounds lovely and doesn't detract from the overall flow of the words. It's not awkward or clichéd, but just subtle and reads very easily.

    It's a really great poem, and works really, really well.
    January 26th, 2011 at 09:52pm
  • brittybopz

    brittybopz (100)

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    holy crap i love it!
    January 26th, 2011 at 05:01am
  • fascination.

    fascination. (100)

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    1. I love the meaning of this poem
    2. It's amazingly well written <3
    3. each line was different P.O.V i really liked it! so it was the boy's then the girl's and so on and so forth
    this is seriously ammazingggg <3
    January 26th, 2011 at 12:13am