It Happened Under Fluorescent Lights - Comments

I really enjoyed this one. It really held me until the end. I loved the last two lines especially! It always amazes me how you are able to write so little ans say so much. i truly appreciate the poem. it spoke to me so clearly. You'd think the concept would be hard to understand but i understood it perfectly. As I was reading I noticed how it all just flowed so perfectly together. How it being one stanza made it seem one cmplete thought than if you were to break it up into multiple stanzas. I liked it really and am glad that you wrote it the way you did. Your structure, as always, truly is amazing and wonderfully shown;as if you took so much time and effort to write each word correctly when probably in reality it just flowed to you so smoothly. I can't tell you how much your writing really shows and your point of view(s) always truly are unique in their own way and yet they compliment each other so well.

It's really weird to see a poem of yours without stanzas after reading all of the others. It's just. . . weird, like someone else had to have written it. But, of course then, it had your pretty words within it, and the great organization.

Using the same lines from the other poem, eh? But taking them and putting them into more depth, telling their story. I like that too!

[Insert words of praise here] ♥. My favourite line is "if we opened our eyes, and closed our mouths"
[i]However[/i] "...her tiny head that [[b]coward[/b] I think that you might mean cowered here]- [[b]benieth[/b] here you mean beneath] her [[b]Mothers[/b] *mother[b]'[/b]s chin..."
Also (and forgive me if it was intentional), I think you've contradicted yourself with [i]"I smiled to myself because I was loved,"[/i] and [i]"And it pains me to know / that I don't exist..."[/i]
Please don't take all of this criticism badly, because I have the best intentions at heart; just trying to help you improve. I really [i]did[/i] enjoy it!

This. Is. Phenomenal. You are officially my favorite, unprofessional poet.

I'm going to start with what I don't quite understand. Who's point of view is this in? Does the narrator's mom exist?
Now the stuff I like: all of it, great poem. my favorite lines I think are "I wondered how many moments- / the world would see- / if we opened our eyes and closed our mouths"
It's a great poem, I love the imagery. And the ideas, I like the ideas a lot. Though I don't quite understand it.

At first I was hesitant believing I was going to go in to this and not find it flowing because I usually don't like poetry that's long with out stanzas but i believe you used it effectively here because it's all one thought. Something you would think and consider in no more than possibly 5 seconds but with so much essence. i feel like you captured that thought accurately and portrayed it well. The imaginary is substantial yet soft and I think it could stand alone as a one shot in the story section.

wow! this is so amazing! i'm pretty sure this is one of my favorite poems! it was sooo good! it deffinitally painted a picture in my mind! i love the way you write poetry, you've got a gift! keep writing! :)

LOVE IT!