In line 3, "secluded" was misspelled. In the second stanza, "spots you think/are lights, but its not" shows subject/verb disagreement (use "they" instead of "it," since "spots" is plural). And in the last stanza, "despair" is misspelled.
I know, mistakes are to happen, especially since it was written a few years ago. But it's always worth it to revisit and revise. =)
I do like the use of enjambment so that each concept carries smoothly from one line to the next. You use a good mix of visual and abstract language. I like some of the more physical details most: the notion of falling, the false image of lights, the lack of sensory experience. They all work together to create an experience for the reader.
In line 3, "secluded" was misspelled. In the second stanza, "spots you think/are lights, but its not" shows subject/verb disagreement (use "they" instead of "it," since "spots" is plural). And in the last stanza, "despair" is misspelled.
I know, mistakes are to happen, especially since it was written a few years ago. But it's always worth it to revisit and revise. =)
I do like the use of enjambment so that each concept carries smoothly from one line to the next. You use a good mix of visual and abstract language. I like some of the more physical details most: the notion of falling, the false image of lights, the lack of sensory experience. They all work together to create an experience for the reader.