Protect. - Comments

This comment won't be as long as yours, because honestly I have no idea how to a) read or b) review poetry.

I really liked this, and I liked how it's written in second person narrative. I also like how there's a sort of cut half-way through, from despair to hope, sort of. I guess. I mean, what with there first being a nasty bloke and then being someone who is like her savior. I like it, you're good with words.

Shitty comment, but genuinely, I have no idea how to do poetry.

The opening is effective: "Focus on the pain" creates two characters, a speaker and a listener, who may well be the same person, while piquing the interest of the reader.

I'm not sure whether this is what you intended, but I'm reading this as a story of a rape victim; the notions of being trapped, killing innocense, body being stolen, and a man who doesn't care about it.

There is a lot of repetition in the piece that seems more accidental than deliberate: the lines about being trapped or about hearing screams. Repetition has to be done very carefully and deliberately, and here it almost feels like sensory language is being repeated to fill in space. The poem could probably be condensed down a little bit without losing much in the way of meaning or imagery.

I like that it ends on a more optimistic note; this person who "found" you, the promise of protection and security. I feel like when describing the comfort of the words it would be almost better to describe what they do instead of what they don't do; words that "gnaw on your ears" and "cut through your chest" are really interesting and could find a safe space earlier in the poem, but using darker language kind of drags down the intended happier meaning of what his words of comfort are when they're all grouped together, even if those more negatie concepts are meant to be negated.

This poem is beautiful. I love how you described the pain she's in.

I adore this poem!

I like how you have it very negative and then at the end, its happy. :)

Very good. I could never write something like this. Well done. :D

I really liked this part: “Trapped inside breathless, empty memories.
Your temple sore, pain coursing through every nerve.
Exhausted from crying,
As you plead for the thoughts to just leave you alone.”

It’s so realistic to break-ups and how you feel after. It just really hit home!

I love how the story goes from bad to worse to good. It’s so graphic and heart breaking. The best part is how honest the poem is though, I’ve read a lot of poems where people have difficulty painting a realistic picture, but this was super! I also love that the narrator slowly finds the silver lining in her situation. Because I’d like to think (hope my butt off) that there is someone out there that does care!

Great job! <3