Voldemort's Daughter - Comments

v. Correction: you're talking about an animal which you're not. For example, 'its fur' or something like that.

v. Correction: you're talking about an animal which you're not. For example, 'its fur' or something like that.

I have not read a lot of poem in my time but I have some knowledge about it.

The first thing I noticed was your title. I think you didn't need to put the '~ Dream Journal Challenge Poem~' because you can either put it in your short summary or your author's note.

Second, you should have used other punctuation marks besides the period. Unless I am mistaken. I think you forgot to use the question mark in your question (e.g Why don’t you listen to this rhyme.)

You also could have separated this sentence: But I do remember all the pain you caused me, yet you will never break this cast.. You would probably re-do the whole stanza again though.

Now for grammar mistakes, your forgot to put an apostrophe on: its you,. It should be it's instead of its. That should only be used when you're talking about an animal which you're not.

All in all, I don't really understand some of the lines but I think I got the gist of it. It's a very nice poem but I think you could have done it better.

I agree with the comment below me, you should make this into a story!

I don't read poems much, and this one's amazing. The rhymes seem to flow and roll off ht tongue if I read them aloud.

I didn't see any mistakes, and I don't have any advice, since I won't write poetry.

Ha! I like this! I don't know if I should have laughed or not, but I did. O.O This should be a story! :D