In all honesty I'm not sure how to take your poem. I've never been in a situation where the pain was so desolate so thick that I couldn't see through it. Your poem sounds like there is this unlimited amount of pain, and you can't get through it, like you're fighting quicksand? Maybe I'm wrong. i any case I would advise you to go back and make sure you capitalize your I's and also break it up into stanzas. You go through a lot of different patterns, and having four lines of one pattern then four lines of another might be easier to follow. All in all I think your poem reflects the struggle your going through or you've experienced, and I do believe it is a good representation of those desolate emotions.
i any case I would advise you to go back and make sure you capitalize your I's and also break it up into stanzas. You go through a lot of different patterns, and having four lines of one pattern then four lines of another might be easier to follow. All in all I think your poem reflects the struggle your going through or you've experienced, and I do believe it is a good representation of those desolate emotions.