Black Memory - Comments

Wow! What a difference that made!! I'm very impressed. There's so much raw emotion here and it's so powerful that I actually almost cried, there were tears forming in my eyes as I read. It was very moving and tragically beautiful.
There are still three lines with a small grammatical error:
"What would I of done to spend that time?", "Why couldn’t she of hugged me one last time?", and "Why couldn’t she of smiled and kissed me and say everything will be alright?"; the "of" in these lines really should be "have."
Otherwise this is a brilliant piece. You have alot of talent and shouldn't sell yourself short. I'm just glad that you were able to use my advice so effectively! Never be afraid of constructive critisism for it really is meant to help you not tear you down (I actually look forward to such critiques on my own piece). I look forward to reading more by you! =)
~Keep writing!!

@ Forbidden_Samurai
Thank you for the comment and I'm not the best writer, but I just changed it a bit of it so hopefully it sounds a little better.

Okay, please don't hate me for what I have to say (after all, I'm just trying to help).
First, in these two lines "Why couldn't she of hugged you one last time?/Why couldn't she of smiled and kissed you..." It should say Why couldn't she have/she've.
There is a very powerful strength trying to burst out of this piece. You're words hint and this great complicated resevior of built up emotion, but it has this feeling of being repressed (which I can certainly understand giving the circumstances) and though it hurts, you need to let it ALL out. Your poem can have such an impact on your readers, let out all that pain and fear and make it ours, make us cry with you as our hearts break with yours.
Also, I would try writing this from first person instead of second person. It better pulls your readers into feeling that all this is happening to them. It makes is more personal and can add to the power and emotion of the piece better.
Other than that it's a good piece and the title is perfect. I really feel that you have great potential as a poet and I really hope you can take what I've said as something positive and not let it discourage you.
~Keep writing!!