Never Again the Murmur of War - Comments

@ dougie poynter;
I'm really happy that you like my poem, although it is centered around a topic that you don't normally like.
It's very interesting that you picked up on the word "navy" as there were five other words purposefully repeated throughout the poem. "Navy" was meant to be used a foreboding, almost even a melancholy symbol. It does kind of give off a sense of security and strength, though.

@ Lucy; Nyu; Hina
thank you for the comment and I'm glad that you liked the poem :)
it was sort of cliche to have her husband die, but honestly there would't have been change if he didn't. The original thought was for him to leave and choose to never come back, sort of leaving her hanging on the platform; but then again, there still wouldn't really be a change... oh well, lol. I'll just have to use that idea another time.

Like Hina, I'm also here as a judge for the Seasons of Change contest!

Firstly, can I say that I'm not a massive fan of pieces where the war aspect revolves around the spouse or partner left behind, but this one is a little different. It almost seems like a series of tiny snapshots into her life as she waits on her love coming back from war and I think that's a really interesting way to do things. I noticed below that you were worried about it being choppy - I don't think you need to panic about that. Everything flows together beautifully. I love the repetition of navy that you have going throughout this, it seems to tie every separate stanza together really well and gives the reader (or me, at least) a sense of security, something familiar. It almost makes me wonder if that colour is a secutiry blanket for the person mentioned, it's really interesting. Maybe I'm reading into it too much, but it's a really nice touch that really does add a lot into the poem.

You've got a wonderful grasp on description as well, everything was described in such beautiful language. I had a really vivid picture of every little snapshot in my head as I was reading.

Honestly, I'm very impressed with this. You've done a great job and I definitely didn't expect to enjoy something that I tend to dislike so much. Good luck!

I'm here for the Seasons of Change contest.

This is a really beautiful poem. You really painted a wonderful picture full of feelings and the character's feelings of seeing her boyfriend going off to war is so realistic. I have to admit though, I thought her lover wasn't going to return from the war and that she was gong to learn he died in action. I'm glad to have read this poem because it's exceptional and brilliant. It's really hard and rare to find poems about war, let alone World War II or anything remotely related to the events that led up to it. You did a great job. Thank you for the wonderful read.

@ vacant eyes.
thank you so much for the awesome comment :) I was a bit nervous that it would be a little choppy but I'm glad that you liked it!

This is quite honestly one of the most brilliant poems I've ever read. My great grandfather was stationed at Pearl Harbor when it was bombed and the entire time I was reading this, I couldn't help but think of him. You have beautiful imagery and the flow of your words, like the tone, is almost sorrowful - which is absolutely brilliant. I really, really loved this poem. I'm usually not a poem reader, but I really enjoyed yours. :)